Look I really need some help, idk what to do.
For context, we have a long distance relationship, we live in different states, over 15 hour drive to eachother but only short flight.
(Expensiveeee)
We at both 22 and plan on moving in together next year.
Anyways, I’m currently staying at his house and I go home in 1 day.
I’ve been here for 8 days and he’s gotten on the game for at least an hour everyday and look I don’t care about him playing games but it’s this conversation I’m having trouble getting over.
He slept in until 10:30 am, I had been up for a few hours and did a bunch of house work. Once he woke up he got on the game IMMEDIATELY.
I said nothing but was annoyed , he ends up playing for a few hours and finally we leave the house at 1:40 to go do some shopping I wanted to do.
At this point I’m bored out my mind and can’t wait to go out (mind you I can’t drive myself anywhere without asking and tbh I didn’t want to ask cause he’d be like why why, plus I am not used to city driving as I live in a small town.
After we do some shopping and get some food we start the drive home, his mate texts him and wants him to get on the game.
In the most calm toned way I expressed that I wish he would spend some more time with me while I’m still here before I leave as we won’t see eachother for over a month.
This blew way up,
He started laughing as I was expressing my feelings, he said it’s not often all my mates can play at the same time, I’m like okay and it’s not often we are always together. He starts saying “fuck I didn’t realise I can’t do what I want in my own house”
At this point I’m just regretting speaking up, we get home and I’m really trying to get my point across while he still laughs while I’m nearly crying. “You’re acting like I haven’t spent any time with you” well I just wanted some time to watch a movie or chat with him without a headset on, (I told him)
He then says “if this is what you’ll be like when we live together then I don’t think I can”
I am so upset, I’m like what?
When we live together I’ll see you everyday, I don’t get to see you everyday right now so my bad for wanting some time together ughhhh
He also called me boring (which he claimed was a joke) but mind you he always makes jokes about me to insult me which I do not find funny at all and I tell him that and he doesn’t care.
He is now as I’m writing this on the game with the boys while I sit here and do absolutely nothing but watch and listen to the only noise of his fingers moving the controls.
I have so much more stories I can tell but I’m honestly scared?
So AITA?
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Look I really need some help, idk what to do.
For context, we have a long distance relationship, we live in different states, over 15 hour drive to eachother but only short flight.
(Expensiveeee)
We at both 22 and plan on moving in together next year.
Anyways, I’m currently staying at his house and I go home in 1 day.
I’ve been here for 8 days and he’s gotten on the game for at least an hour everyday and look I don’t care about him playing games but it’s this conversation I’m having trouble getting over.
He slept in until 10:30 am, I had been up for a few hours and did a bunch of house work. Once he woke up he got on the game IMMEDIATELY.
I said nothing but was annoyed , he ends up playing for a few hours and finally we leave the house at 1:40 to go do some shopping I wanted to do.
At this point I’m bored out my mind and can’t wait to go out (mind you I can’t drive myself anywhere without asking and tbh I didn’t want to ask cause he’d be like why why, plus I am not used to city driving as I live in a small town.
After we do some shopping and get some food we start the drive home, his mate texts him and wants him to get on the game.
In the most calm toned way I expressed that I wish he would spend some more time with me while I’m still here before I leave as we won’t see eachother for over a month.
This blew way up,
He started laughing as I was expressing my feelings, he said it’s not often all my mates can play at the same time, I’m like okay and it’s not often we are always together. He starts saying “fuck I didn’t realise I can’t do what I want in my own house”
At this point I’m just regretting speaking up, we get home and I’m really trying to get my point across while he still laughs while I’m nearly crying. “You’re acting like I haven’t spent any time with you” well I just wanted some time to watch a movie or chat with him without a headset on, (I told him)
He then says “if this is what you’ll be like when we live together then I don’t think I can”
I am so upset, I’m like what?
When we live together I’ll see you everyday, I don’t get to see you everyday right now so my bad for wanting some time together ughhhh
He also called me boring (which he claimed was a joke) but mind you he always makes jokes about me to insult me which I do not find funny at all and I tell him that and he doesn’t care.
He is now as I’m writing this on the game with the boys while I sit here and do absolutely nothing but watch and listen to the only noise of his fingers moving the controls.
I have so much more stories I can tell but I’m honestly scared?
So AITA?
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Girl, run. This isn’t a one off, this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. You say you have more stories but even just hearing his dismissive attitude and insulting “jokes” (they’re not jokes if everyone isn’t laughing) is already plenty of red flags with how normalized it is for you from him.
ETA: NTA
Look. I dated a guy for three years who would make insulting “jokes” about me, and then tell me I was being too sensitive when I got upset.
I then dated a guy who would tease me relentlessly. And I would tease him back. And it was just that. Playful, adoring teasing.
And that was when I realized that the stuff that first guy would say? They weren’t jokes. And I wasn’t being too sensitive.
“If this is what you’ll be like when we live together, I don’t think I can.”
Reads like he wants an excuse to break up with you. NTA.
NTA.He’s already showing you exactly what he’s going to be like in a long-term relationship when you guys actually do live together. He isn’t going to prioritize you and the fact that he’s already dismissing your feelings and calling you names is a major red flag. He is already showing you he does not value your attempts of communication.
This is exactly what I needed to hear! COMMUNICATION is my biggest thing and I tell him that all the time!
exactly. Communication is essential and the fact that he doesn’t value it and in fact ridiculed your attempts to communicate says everything about what this relationship is going to be like if you continue to stay with him. Honestly girl, he has revealed exactly who he is, and that’s someone who cannot communicate and dismisses their partners feelings. This is not someone you’d want to build a future with, at all.
NTA, and do not move in with this man. For one thing, you should not be doing “a bunch of house work” as a guest in his house. You should clean up after yourself, of course, and help with meals and maybe laundry given the length of your stay. You shouldn’t be doing hours of chores in his house while he sleeps in though.
More importantly, the fact that he jumps right to guilt tripping you over a disagreement is a huge red flag. He didn’t call you boring as a joke; he said that to hurt you because he wants you to feel bad for not just accepting his wishes. Men like your boyfriend act this way because they hope that if they make you upset in these kinds of situations, you’ll just stop challenging them. Your boyfriend wants you to sit around quietly (and maybe do more chores) until he decides to pay attention to you. He doesn’t care about your needs.
This is not a good guy, and he’s not worth your time or the money it costs to see him.
You’re not overreacting, you’re finally noticing the reality of his behavior, and it’s honestly really concerning.
The issue isn’t video games. It’s the way he treats you when you express a basic emotional need. You traveled 15+ hours to see him, you’re together for only a short visit, and instead of being excited to spend time with you, he chose the game first every single day. And when you finally spoke up, calmly, he laughed at you.
That’s not normal. That’s not love. That’s not maturity.
Laughing when someone is opening up is a form of emotional belittling. It teaches you that your needs are “funny,” “dramatic,” or not worth taking seriously. Calling you “boring,” even as a “joke,” is disrespect disguised as humor, and the fact that you’ve told him it hurts and he keeps doing it shows he doesn’t care about how you feel.
The biggest red flag, though, is this line:
“If this is what you’ll be like when we live together then I don’t think I can.”
Instead of listening, he immediately turned your feelings into a threat and punishment. That’s manipulation. It’s meant to scare you into silence so that you never ask for emotional connection again.
And think about this:
If he treats you this carelessly when you only see each other once in a while, imagine how dismissive he’ll be when you’re living together and he feels even more “comfortable.”
OP, this comment right here. Gold.
NTA
He chooses his buddies (who I imagine he plays with every day) over you (the woman he loves?). And please think the moving together, because it sounds like you’ll be doing all house work while he contributes nothing and he’ll be complaining every time you want to do something together.
NTA. You value quality time with loved ones; he doesn’t, or at least not to the same degree.
Cut bait, honey. You’re too young to be an XBox widow.
Is he dropping you at the airport. I would wait til then to tell him it’s fine. He is too childish to move in with anyone. He can’t put you first for a few days when you don’t see each other often then you will.always come second
I’ve been with people like this in the past, and my best friend is dating and living with a gamer who never gets off the game to spend time with them. It’s agony. Don’t do it. Find someone who adores spending time with you… it’s one thing to have hobbies. It’s another to prioritize a video game over someone’s feelings, someone being their future spouse.. not okay. Also, the condescending jokes hold truth to this person.. take it from someone who has experienced it for years until they admitted this.