My bf and I are long distance. I live on the East Coast and he lives in the north Midwest. I bought the frontier pass and since I work remote I’m able to travel a lot more than his I acknowledge that. The issue is my birthday is coming up along with Valentine’s Day and I always grew up where whoever’s birthday iis they get to decide what they want to do. I asked him if he wanted to come with ne on a trip somewhere warm to escape the cold for my birthday. Now he doesn’t really believe in birthdays but I’m trying to make him understand the importance of a birthdays and holidays to me.
He said he doesn’t really want to go on a trip right now to which I said okay I will make plans with my friends instead. Then he asked if the destination matters or if the people I’m with matters and both matter but I don’t want to go to the Midwest again as I just recently did to see him.
It’s my birthday I want to celebrate it somewhere warm with the people I love and care for and those who care equally about me.
I feel as if he’s trying to make me feel guilty for wanting what I want and I told him that and he said he’s not he just wanted to know if the people mattered to me or the activity and to me both matter. To which he said what if he couldn’t afford it or afford to take me and I said then just say that. But if you can’t take me that’s perfectly fine, just worry about yourself I can pay for myself that’s not a problem. I’m not expecting this as a gift I just want the company in a place of my choosing.
AITA for making plans with my friends for my birthday weekend instead of him because I want to be summer warm. He was my first pick for who I want to spend my birthday with. It’s also not a financial issue for him as far as I understand. He just said he doesn’t want to take a trip right now. Not sure if it matters but it’s also a big birthday for me.
UPDATE:
thanks for all the love and support guys. He hasn’t done anything for my birthday for 3 years and Ive really had enough of it over something I consider so special. I didn’t want to have high expectations that get crushed which is why I tried to take his rejection to join in stride and pivoted my plans to keep high morale. But then started feeling guilty and sad. Tomorrow is a new day and I will plan the best 30th possible with those who care to join my event.
“He doesnt really believe in birthdays”
Im sorry who’s egg did he hatch from then?
Lol I thank thee for the comedic relief. Haha he thinks birthday are for kids and doesn’t believe in adults celebrating them.
Ive always felt people should get to celebrate 2 important events in life: your wedding, and your birthday. Your wedding is (or should be) a once in a lifetime event that starts your life with the person you love.
Your birthday on the other hand is literally the celebration of this wonderful thing we call **LIFE.** We celebrate because we were given another year eith the people we choose to surround ourselves with. How is that not worth celebrating like???
It’s interesting that he says that, until you said “No problem, I’ll go on a trip with my friends.” Now he’s saying “I just think birthdays should be spent with the people you really love…” Uhh…since when? Birthdays are for kids, right? Sounds like a manipulative guilt trip.
NTA, if he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to go but to guilt you now for choosing to do something you want is red flag behavior.
It would cost him exactly $0 to support and encourage you to have the birthday experience you want. NTA.
I feel bad to a degree because he said he’s not trying to guilt me he’s just trying to understand what kind of person I am since he’s the kind of person who doesn’t care where it is as long as it’s with the people who matter most to him and it seems like that’s not me and that I care more about what I do than with who. Makes me feel like I’m shallow but like come on it’s my birthday! But I guess some would say that’s immature to think you can do anything cuz it’s your birthday.
If he’s the kind of person who doesn’t care where it is, and that all that matters is being with the person he loves, why isn’t he joining you, the person he loves at the place you want to go?
NTA. Your BF doesn’t seem to be too interested in pleasing you for your birthday as you wish (since it appears economics are not an issue). Seems maybe you are putting more effort into making this relationship work than he is. It’s okay to want what you want here so don’t feel guilted into thinking that’s wrong. Go where you want with people who love you and are willing to go where you’d like on your birthday.
Please know if he’s unwilling to be considerate of your desires while you are dating, it won’t get better should you decide to marry.
Yuvk. He sounds boring af
NTA. You were clear with what you wanted and the reason. He asked a question and you answered. I’m sorry he didn’t care for your answer, but again you were clear. He was your first choice and since he can’t/wont/whatever, you moved on. It doesn’t need to be a bigger deal than that. Have fun, enjoy the sun and happy birthday!
NTA. You asked him to go with you somewhere you would like and he said he isn’t up for travel. The persom who is celebrating should be the one fussed over and not going out of their way for someone else. I guess he wanted you to choose spending time with him ahead of a location (which is also not an unhealthy request for a couple), but it seems for you meeting friends in a warm place is more important than spending time with him. I guess you both learn from this about the priorities in your lives.
My boyfriend’s dad hates all types of recognition for himself. Father’s Day? Veterans Day? Birthday? Forget it. I don’t think he doesn’t believe in them, though. They’re just not for him. He also doesn’t seem to hate them for others.
Your boyfriend seems like the opposite, though: no birthday for me? No birthday for thee!
Does he have trauma around his birthday? Or is he just a curmudgeonly type? I’m no saying you have to press him—you should definitely do what you want no matter what—but I hope he recognizes that this is important to you and that your first instinct was to spend your birthday WITH HIM.
It’s your birthday. He was invited. He declined. That’s fine if he doesn’t want to go, but he shouldn’t make you feel guilty for wanting what you want. He should be supportive. If he can’t be supportive, you have bigger issues than where to spend your birthday. NTA. Do what YOU want.