I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for 10 years. We started dating as teenagers and have basically grown up together.
About 6 years ago, my family moved away and I chose to stay behind. Since then, I’ve been living alone and handling everything myself. I’m proud of that, but I’m also honestly tired of doing life alone.
My boyfriend still lives with his parents. He’s very close to them, and I respect that. My lease ends in May, and I told him I would really like us to get a place together instead of renewing on my own again.
Financially, we’re stable and could afford it. The issue isn’t money. The complication is that he seems interested when we talk about living together, but avoids getting into specifics. When I bring up timelines, looking at apartments, or talking to his parents, the conversation stalls.
There’s also another layer: he’s part of a country club that would remove him if he got married. Because of that, I’ve already accepted that we won’t be getting married anytime soon. I didn’t fight that. I understood the situation. But I feel like living together would at least be a step forward.
I’ve started feeling frustrated because after 10 years, I don’t think wanting to live together is unreasonable. At the same time, I don’t want to pressure him into leaving his parents before he’s ready.
He hasn’t said no. But he hasn’t really said yes in a concrete way either.
AITA for pushing this conversation and wanting clarity instead of just waiting until he feels ready?
Girl get a hard look at reality. You’ve been 10 year with a man and he doesn’t even give a fuck about livng together. And that club thing is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
Cut the cord and find a man who actually wants to be with you. Smh.
NTA, but also not going to happen
His country club is more important to him than you. The comfortable life with his parents is more important than you. He is not going to change. Either accept it or break up with him.
NTA, but. . .
He is happy where he is. He doesn’t want to move, to change, to grow. He will not move, because there is no reason for him to be ready for anything else. You will wait.
You have spent ten years with him – for how many of those years have you been dissatisfied and left wanting and waiting?
Your options are not limited to a) pushing a conversation or b) waiting.
There is c) – live the life you want to see yourself living. Go and do that. Time’s a’ticking.
Is it a lgbtq country club? Wtf?
Lol the opposite, but it is very exclusive and once you are married you have to go on a 10 year waitlist.
Weird, how weird he is. Super weird and even weirder arbitrary rules that hates wives and also they think he won’t have any money anymore.
NTA.This is giving “He’s just not that in to you”. You are both too old, and too young to waste another minute on a man who, if you stay, will take you for granted indefinitely.
I’m dying to know more about this “single male only country club”. NTA, but he has no intention of changing his life for you.
Darling, he doesn’t want to live with you. He enjoys living as a child with no responsibility in his parents house. He doesn’t want to clean showers and take out the trash. He doesn’t want to wash he bedclothes and dust. He doesn’t want to be an adult. You will only be taking on more work if you move in with him because not only will you be doing everything you did living alone, you will also be picking up after an adult man who wants to live like a child. This isn’t in your best interests. Plan your own life with you at the forefront, don’t keep trying to drag this man into adulthood, he doesn’t want it. Not saying yes is saying no. Move on.
NTA
sorry what the fuck kind of country club kicks you out if you get married??? and why is that so important to him?
He on his parent’s membership. Once married, he has to get his own, and most are REALLY expensive.
It’s ok to get him to respond and commit one way or another so you can do what you need to do living situation wise but I wouldn’t pressure him to do something he isn’t ready to do or give him a. Ultimatum. He will resent you for that
He is 25 and you have been together for 10 years, he is not interested in living with you or marrying you. You are a convenient placeholder that provides comfort, company and sex.
You need to decide if this is enough for you, otherwise please move on.