So, September 2024, I (16F at the time) was living with my mom. We live in a Suburban area. We weren’t well-off by any means, but were able to afford the basics (house, car, etc).
Unfortunately, our family car got totaled around late September of that year. I haven’t had a family car since, and relied on public transport.
A big dream of mine since I was young was to drive. I got my license on my 16th birthday, researched cars I was into, etc. Not sure, but it was a large interest of mine. Not to mention, it was absolutely unheard of for people in my area to not own atleast one car per household. I mean, SERIOUSLY.
Fast forward to April 2025, I move in with my dad. My dad, too, is not very well off. Living in a richer area, I felt like I stuck out. Eventually, kids started getting their own cars, driving to school, etc. Meanwhile, I was the only grade 12 that took the bus to and from school everyday.
I realized that buying a car was out of our budget, since we plan on moving to Toronto next year given I get accepted to my top school choice, but the embarrassment that came with relying on others and public transport to arrive to places became a huge burden. Eventually, I started lying to people about whether I had a car, stating that my "dad is at work and unable to give me a ride" (he is unemployed).
Recently, I had a text conversation with my dad regarding me getting my G2, and wanting to take driving school (something he had promised to pay for). The conversation was shut down as he said I wouldn’t need it, and that the insurance would go down at 25.
I was on the bus on the way to school and almost started crying. It’s just a sensitive topic for me at this point, so having him tell me I wouldn’t even be doing driving school nearly sent me.
The thought of not being able to enjoy the luxury of a car (which others my age have at this moment) until my mid 20’s-early 30’s almost had me crying (which I am doing so as I’m writing this).
I’ve also recently got a boyfriend, who is MUCH more well-off than I am. Both of his parents bring home around $300,000-$350,000 a year before taxes, all of his family members have their own vehicle, they bought their home for around $5.5 million, etc. He is a really sweet guy, and drives me nearly everywhere. And I don’t take that for granted at all. But nonetheless, being exposed to him having so many things that I would die for (a car he didn’t pay a cent for, a family with no financial trouble that hasn’t been seperated as a result of divorce, etc) really gets to my head. Especially since recently, he’s made jokes about him being my "personal uber driver," which I feel horrible about.
I’ve always felt like an outsider in my town, so having to ask for rides and favours from others on top of everything makes me feel a lot worse.
AITA for getting mad at my dad for saying he won’t support driving school?
It sounds like your dad’s reasoning is that he can’t afford car insurance for you. As much as it bothers you that you’re not well off, I can guarantee it bothers your parents just as much. You could start by getting a job on the weekends and after school to save and pay for your own insurance and car. You’re not TA because it’s hard being 16 and not privileged in comparison to your friends but you can definitely work on being more self-sufficient and independent especially if it’s bothering you this much.
You’re not an asshole, just a kid dealing with a rough situation surround by people that are living in very opposite positions. I don’t advocate that you lie to any about having a car, there are few things worse than being labeled a liar. You are of age to get your own job and vehicle, though, maybe just do that. Just don’t fall into the trap of buying something you can’t afford. Find an older car that is in decent shape for 2-5k, and just take care of it. You’ll have real pride of ownership in ways that people that had their first vehicle purchased for them never will.
NTA for wanting a car but YTA for wanting a luxury car. No 16 year old needs a car that costs more than what people make annually. What a 16 year old needs a good, reliable, used car to keep them safe and get them places.
I understand wanting to be like your peers at your age but realistically your dad cant afford that type of car. Its ok to be jealous/envious but their is truly no need to cry over a luxury car at majority of the population car afford
I didnt get my first car until I was 17 almost 18. I got it used. I am still driving to this day. The car itself is over 15 years old. Its safe, reliable, good gas mileage, no interest rates. You essentially need a car like that.
Sorry I should’ve clarified I don’t want a luxury car (maybe in 30 years hahaha) any car would do. But thanks for the reply 🙂 I’ve been trying to convince my dad to buy even a cheaper, used car, but it’s quite literally out of discussion. He refuses
Hun, your dad is unemployed (and apparently also in the process of planning a move? Which is expensive in itself). What money do you want him to buy a car with?
He can’t afford it. Which will you give up food or clothes? How about utilities? You are old enough to understand why you don’t have a car. Luckily, you don’t Need a car either. I am sorry you weren’t born to wealthier parents. But put yourself in their shoes. They got you, lusting after things you don’t have and honestly don’t need.
I won’t go so far as to say you’re an asshole, but you seem to have a very entitled outlook on what your parents owe you.
Regardless of what was promised, your father is unemployed. Things like getting you driving lessons costs money he probably doesn’t have to spare. You said you got your license at 16. Why are you in need of taking driving lessons now? Those come before getting a license, as you have to be proficient in driving to be licensed.
If you want a car, you need to make the effort to work and save to buy one. Your parents are clearly in no position to do so for you.
I mean, I think you definitely seem pretty entitled. I wouldn’t say getting a car is normal. Your dad shouldn’t have promised to pay for something he wasn’t going to. You should get a job and start saving if a car is so important to you. I would say that I can’t entirely say Y T A because I think you are having normal teenage emotions. So I will say NAH, but get a job to save for your own car.
Kind of entitled, but at your age it’s understandable. YTA.
Yta get a job and buy your own car and pay for your own insurance if it’s that important to you. It’s ok to be upset about not being able to get one but yikes you sound spoiled and entitled.
I can imagine it’s hard when you see everyone else with cars. I’m thinking your dad made that promise because he really wanted to get that car / buy you lessons. But if he is unemployed then isn’t everything he has going to shelter, food and basic necessities? Driving school is expensive – just one session is about $60. And more important, how are you paying for school next year?
Try and forgive your dad. He may be doing the best he can and he’s embarrassed to say he just does not have the money.
YTA
Your dad isn’t well off and you expect him to get you a car?! No. Get yourself a job and get your own by saving money.
WOW! Have you heard of a job? Get one! Pay for your own driver’s ed. Pay for your own insurance. Pay for your own car. I paid for everything, it was my car. I paid for all maintenance, gas, insurance, school, vehicles and I was free. It belonged to me. It wasn’t cheap and I earned every single penny. I had a car on the driveway when I was 15. We could get a license at 15, I never had to share my car with anybody, if I didn’t have gas I didn’t go anywhere. Learn to do for yourself that way you never have to be a burden. Give your dad some help. Stop being an entitled brat. Think about him.