I have been in a LDR with my partner for about 8 months, and half a year ago we finally met when I flew over to meet her. During this time, my friends created a group chat without me and sent pictures of my partner and I and made jokes about us.
I had a massive confrontation about it when I got back from overseas and to their credit ever since then I hadn’t heard anything at all regarding my partner. However, I could never bring myself to trust them again.
Now, if we’re going back a week ago, my partner came over to my country this time for about a week and we had the most amazing time ever. We had previously discussed whether or not we’d want to have a hangout with my friend group because naturally she wanted to get to know the people I’m around. I was hesitant, thinking it’d go wrong, but I decided to give them a chance. So I sent them a message and we decided we’d go watch the new JJK movie (was really disappointing btw) and then go have some drinks.
My friends have poor conversational competency in English, however, I expected at the very least that they’d give the slightest of effort to make my partner feel included in the conversation and show actual interest in her as a human being. Guess what? they didn’t, and the friend I’m specifically referring to said and I quote "I’m tired to speak in English, you can’t expect me to think in English right now".
I completely understand being tired and sometimes it’s difficult to converse in English, but I think that’s a shallow excuse considering the fact he knew a week in advance about this meeting, and was very rude the entire evening. I had to beg them multiple times to speak in English and make her feel included, at some point I even asked "should we just dip? I see no reason in being here if you’re not going to speak in English"
Maybe I’m delusional but I would expect my best friends to have some decency and if they had truly respected me as a friend they’d give a little bit of effort to actually try.
Having wasted our limited time I was obviously very upset with my friends. Now, this friend I mentioned had been organizing his partner’s birthday party for a while now, but I struggle a lot with keeping in the loop with group chat’s and etc so I didn’t keep at what’s going on.
The day of the birthday I forgot to wish her a happy birthday and whether I’m coming or not. Not to mention I had a visit to the doctors because I had an ear infection and spent 2 hours in the ER. Later, I noticed I was removed from all the group chats and my friend just sent me a voice message saying I’m a terrible friend and etc, I decided to reply and tell him he’s an awful person himself and he completely disrespected my partner and her limited time with me in here considering LDR and that he’s a hypocrite. I don’t bother going into drama with people so I simply left it there.
It’s safe to say we’re no longer friends lmfao.
Nta. make better friends
NTA but your friends are awful. Go find better people to have in your life.
Nta. The got what they gave. Even if they’re not good at speaking English, putting in a little effort is appreciated and would make your partner feel welcome. You don’t need friends who care that minimally. There’s even apps for translation they could have used for them. Yeah, no excuse.
I would have been done after finding out about the original group chat they started making jokes about you guys.
Friends absolutely do not do things like that. People that *do not like you* do that.
I genuinely don’t think this was actually about you not wishing them a happy birthday, I think they were looking for a reason to oust you from the friend group and that was a convenient one.
Unless you have left out some major information about poor behavior on your part, you are NTA.
I personally said the same thing to my partner as well, it felt very planned especially with removing me from all the group chats.
As far as my behavior, the only thing I can say really is the problem of communication and replying to messages, I had told them a few weeks ago I had been going through some things and I’ve started therapy which is why I was absent and inactive for a bit!
Other than that I did my best to treat them all with respect and gave them a second chance after everything that went down originally
ESH, I don’t think your friends cared about you as much as you cared about them. Probably you should have dropped them after finding out about the chat where they were making fun of you and your gf, because they weren’t showing respect for you. But also if you don’t make an effort to keep up with the group chats, especially one that was about organising an event and you didn’t confirm whether you were attending or not, then that was a poor behaviour on your part. I guess it was an innocent mistake in forgetting to say happy birthday since you were sick, which you could apologise for, but you should have responded before that day to the chat to confirm if you were going to the party or not.
I believe this sums it up fairly well for me! I should’ve cut ties after that incident, but seeing as they were the only friends I had back then I was hesitant and therefore didnt act on it.
I do agree that on my end better communication could’ve helped!