So my dad’s birthday is coming up and I wanted to make it a little more special this year. So I ordered decorations and board games, because my dad did express interest in a family board game night. I also trial ran a few cake flavours so he could choose what flavour he’d want for his birthday.
I invited the family for the party over text and my auntie (dad’s brother’s wife) responded pretending to be her 3 year old child asking if they can blow the candles with my dad. My auntie did this at a few parties and also made everyone sing happy birthday to her kid.
At the last one, I told her in private that it’s not the best idea because her child may get confused and it’ll become a habit, like they may start wanting to blow the candles at another kid’s party. She just laughed in my face. So I know she texted this to put me on the spot. I responded “no (child’s name), u can blow the candles on ur birthday.”
A family member texted me to tell me to delete this. When my dad saw it he was annoyed at me. Then he wanted to respond and I said pls don’t. He decided to react to her message with an approving emoji🥰. He literally agreed with me that she was being childish and he still responded like that. I got upset because it made me look like a bitch imo if I say no and the birthday person reacts like that to her message. I decided to just delete the message since it looked like she hadn’t seen it, and just respond “ok auntie.” (I think she did see the initial message on her Home Screen because that second message she reacted straight away with a smiley. lol)
I was upset with my dad and he did initially say sorry. But after I finished cooking for him, my sibling brought it up again, and I expressed that I was still annoyed at him. My dad then said my message was rude and yelled he doesn’t understand me as a person at all. And I did yell back trying to explain why him publicly taking her side made me upset. He didn’t care.
We gave each other the silent treatment for a day. Then yesterday I said sorry for yelling, he said he accepted my apology. I tried to go back to normal but he’s still being off with me.
As for this party, I’m tempted to get a store bought cake and not use any candles. Would that be wrong? I know my auntie would bring it up and I’ll get annoyed. It’ll upset my dad if I don’t make the cake, and he doesn’t mind letting my auntie take control/ attention because he just wants to keep the peace.
My cousin said I wasn’t wrong and everyone knows I’m blunt in nature, but I shouldn’t make a fuss. I really do want to host a nice party for my dad with the homemade cake he wanted and the nice candles I got, and have lovely game night. (He is a good dad and does have health issues).
I’m worried either my auntie will ruin the atmosphere or I will if I can’t keep my mouth shut. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why this situation upsets me so much.
Edit: I will be making the cake and using the candles. My dad deserves it. I’ll give the kiddo a separate cake piece and candle if my auntie will let me. If she starts singing happy birthday to her kid I’ll just stay silent and let everyone do their thing. Just talking about it was quite therapeutic.
Is this really a thing? People insisting their kids get to blow out birthday candles for another person’s cake? It feels like we’ve seen a lot of these, but I know I’ve never encountered it IRL.
Anyway, NTA. Your message wasn’t rude. I don’t think the heart face emoji meant your dad was taking the aunt’s side, though. Make the cake and don’t have candles.
She will make everyone sing happy birthday child’s name, as she has done in the last two birthdays. And also bother me about the candles.
That’s completely unreasonable on your aunt’s part. Someone needs to have a discussion with her about not raising an entitled little human.
Nta. You were trying to do something good for your dad and looking out for him. And all he had to do was just stay silent , instead he made you out to be the bad guy.
I wish he understood that
At the end of the day, it’s your father’s birthday, and if he wants to allow that kid to blow out his candles, that’s up to him.
Will not make the kid ( or his Mum ) better people in the long run, but save that fight for your own party.
NTA.
Blowing out candles really grosses me out – especially if it’s a kid. I don’t want to eat cake that they spit on. I just use sparklers. I’ve even found number sparklers. Very festive and no germs.
That would be so annoying. Not just the candle thing, but also your aunt replying from the perspective of her toddler. That’s weird. NTA. I’d probably uninvite myself from the family party, make a cake for Dad on a different night and play a 2 person game with just him.
I don’t give the best advice though. I don’t like people.
Your aunt is weird. But it is your dad’s birthday and if he wants to impose bad manners into a toddler, he can go for it. NAH I guess? Your dad can do his birthday how he wants. And if that includes letting the 3 year old blow out candles there’s no point arguing over it.
For every egoistic person there is a pushover to say “ok auntie”.
NTA for wanting the birthday person to blow the candle, but your dad is more concerned about assisting his sister in spoiling her kid.
Don’t get candles and make sure to hide all the candles at home.
NTA
NTA and what I would do is tell the kid he gets his own turn how many times he wants after your dad has his turn. Then you cut him a piece and put birthday candles on it. Then the mom can turn them on and on and on. As many times as the kid wants, and everyone gets to enjoy spit-free cake.
The kid never asks to do it, the mum always pushes for it. And I’m so annoyed that she asked me on the group chat even tho she knows I don’t like it.
Stop inviting her to birthday parties, and the problem is solved.