few months ago, during summer, I invited a guy friend to go on a trip. The total cost was around $600 for both of us, and at that time we weren’t even super close, just regular friends. I paid for everything. He didn’t have to pay anything. I told him, “Don’t worry about it, the trip is on me,” because I genuinely wanted to do something nice, not because I expected anything in return.
As time passed, we actually became much closer. Naturally, I thought that since I had paid so much for him in the past, maybe sometimes if he bought me something small, i might just let it go. Not because I demanded it, but because that’s how friendships usually work, when one friend does something, the other friend tries to be considerate later. But that never happened. once we were out and I forgot my card, so he paid $3 for a snack for me. Later that day, he asked me to pay him back for that $3. I felt bit bad and It made me realize he didn’t see my gesture the same way I saw it.
I started feeling bad, like maybe I was wrong for expecting anything at all. I genuinely didn’t pay for his Hobbiton trip expecting repayment or favors. I did it from the heart. But at the same time, I’m a human being, and it’s natural to hope your close friend would show small kindnesses back.
Now the problem is that I’m super broke and I actually really need money. And that $275 (his half of the trip) is a LOT of money for me right now. But I feel extremely embarrassed to ask him for it, because months ago I said “the trip is on me.” I only said that because at that time I wasn’t broke and I was trying to be generous.
EDIT:
I also want to add something that might explain why I feel so confused about this friendship. Recently, the same friend and I went on a trip to a place. When we dine out, our usual system is that we split the total bill 50/50. I’m normally fine with that. But at one restaurant, he ordered a beef dish, and I don’t eat beef for personal reasons. I didn’t take even a single bite of it. Later, he still expected me to split the cost of the whole bill evenly, including the beef dish I didn’t eat. When I questioned it, he seemed offended that I didn’t want to pay for something I didn’t touch. Eventually he said, “It’s okay, I’ll just pay for the whole dinner,” but the way he said it felt more like he was annoyed rather than being generous. It didn’t feel like kindness it felt like he was trying to make a point. Later, back at our accommodation, he brought it up again and said, “Well, I paid for the dinner,” in a way that made me uncomfortable. I even told him to stop mentioning it because I don’t want to feel like I owe anyone charity. I even said I’d pay him back if it was a big deal. But then he apologized and said I don’t need to pay him back
And Now I’m wondering, Would I be an asshole if I asked him to pay back his half of the trip now? On one hand, I did tell him he didn’t need to pay me.
On the other hand, he has asked me to repay him for tiny amounts (like $3), and he clearly doesn’t treat our friendship the same way I was treating it.
I honestly don’t know what’s right.
AITA if I ask for the money?
> it was a gift might make me seem dishonest, unfair Or might ruin our friendship.
Yeah, it would do all of those things. Sorry, but YWBTA if you did that.
YTA. The trip was clearly a gift, asking for money for it now is definitely an AH move. If you need some money ask him nicely for a loan.
Absolutely 100% YTA. “Don’t worry about it, the trip is on me,”, means Don’t worry about it the trip is on me.
I’m sorry but yeah YWBTA. You’d essentially be taking a gift back because your friend isn’t behaving how you want them to. That’s not fair and not a way to keep friends.
>I told him, “Don’t worry about it, the trip is on me,” because I genuinely wanted to do something nice, not because I expected anything in return.
>Would I be an asshole if I asked him to pay back his half of the trip now?
See, there isn’t a half to pay back. You covered the trip to “be nice”.
The money problems you are having now are not *his* problem. And stop quibbling over $3, making it the cornerstone of your argument. It’s petty, and the sort of thing that ruins friendships.
YWBTA if you dug up your past generosity, and handed him a bill
Yes, YTA if you ask. It’s totally fine that you thought if it when times are tough – but you were very clear that it was a gift. You can change how you handle money in your friendship moving forward based on what you’ve learned since, but not retroactively.
YWBTA if you ask him for the money after you told him it was on you. He could have chosen not to go if he knew he would have to pay for it.
You say you are broke and need the money you spent on him, but you don’t say what his financial situation is, so maybe he’s also broke and needed that $3 back?
Other than money, how is your friendship? Does it also feel one sided in terms of reaching out and spending time? If you value your friendship at more than $275 you should let it go.
Yes,YWBTA. You can’t give someone a gift and then later go, “remember that gift I gave you? Can you pay me back for that?”
YTA
sorry but if you said the trip is on you, then yes the trip is on you, you’ve communicated you won’t be seeking money back from them…. to do so now would not be very nice…
Your friend might just see money differently, one nice gesture should not come with strings or an expectation that they are obligated to do nice things back…
YWBTA. It’s always an AH move to tell someone you’re paying for something then change your mind later. He also doesn’t sound like a great friend, but that doesn’t entitle you to go back on your word.
You should probably be a bit more conservative with your generosity. Start small with new friends and recognize if it’s a reciprocal friendship or transactional. Plus, if $300 will make or break you, you probably shouldn’t have offered to pay for him in the first place.
YWBTA. You told him he didn’t have to pay then, and the fact that you’re broke now doesn’t change that.
> at that time I wasn’t broke
You were a lot more broke than you realize if you’re desperate for $275 now.
YWBTA if you ask him to pay you back after telling him you’d cover it. Just remember going forward that this friend is kind of transactional and don’t cover anything else for him.
Yta you said it was on you, you can’t go asking for it now. What you can do is 1.) stop paying for anything of his 2.) if you feel comfortable you could ask him for financial help, but this is iffy considering you have only been friends for a short time.
I think you know you would be the AH if you asked for money back for a GIFTED trip months ago. Sure, he is a rotten friend for being petty over $3, but you are worse for offering up generosity thst apparently had strings attached that you failed to disclose.