One of my best friends from college invited me (24 F) to go to on a trip to New York in April a couple of months ago. When she asked me originally, she posed it as a girls trip with all her friends from college. I’m not super close with the rest of her friends, but I have met them a few times and I got along with them fine so I was happy to go on the trip with her. A couple of weeks ago she asked me if I was okay with her inviting her current boyfriend (who I’ve never met) I said that was fine because one more person was fine with me.
However, after I bought the plane ticket, she told me that the three other girls coming on the trip were also bringing their boyfriends. She asked if I would be okay with that and I told her honestly that it would be a little uncomfortable for me to be essentially 7th wheeling and I would’ve happily just sat the trip out if it was meant to be a couples trip. She told me that it’s not a couples trip at all and that she was sorry she forgot to mention this to me until now but that it wouldn’t be awkward and that it would be fun. She’s a lovely girl so I know she didn’t purposely not tell me until the last minute, but the more I think about it the less I want to go be around strangers who are all coupled up.
I’ve been debating if I should just tell her I no longer want to go as I can still cancel my plane ticket and we haven’t booked the Airbnb yet. She’s one of my closest friends but she doesn’t seem to understand why I’m hesitant about going and I’ve tried to explain it to her multiple times. I don’t want to make things weird or tense between us now or during the trip and I don’t want her to feel like she has to babysit me while there to make me feel included. I know she really wants me to go but it just doesn’t feel like something I want to deal with so would I be an asshole if I canceled my ticket and told her I wasn’t going?
NTA, this isn’t the trip that you signed up for. You would 100% be the 7th wheel.
NTA. It was supposed to be a trip with college friends. Now, it’s a trip with three couples, as a single. I would be worried about being the 7th wheel, too, so your friend should hopefully understand this.
NTA.
It’s very much a couples trip. Best to sit this one out.
NTA obviously, I don’t think anyone here is an asshole, though. But ew, no, don’t go. I’m definitely a pessimist, but this does not sound fun AT ALL. I have never been on a trip like this before, but on a couple of occasions I’ve been on nights out with groups of ONLY couples and it’s not worth it. UNLESS you are a very secure and confident person, don’t go.
NTA.
*When she asked me originally, she posed it as a girls trip with all her friends from college. I’m not super close with the rest of her friends, but I have met them a few times and I got along with them fine*
**Mistake 1:** Don’t go on trips with people unless you know them really well and like them very much. Because even if you do, there’s no guarantee you’ll still like them when it’s over. Trips produce all kinds of stressful situations (flight delays, lost luggage, accommodation that doesn’t live up to its promises, language difficulties, jet lag, missed connections, snoring roommates, and many more) that you don’t have in your everyday life. Going on a trip with people you hardly know is a recipe for disaster, even if it had remained the “girls’ trip” that it was originally meant to be.
*A couple of weeks ago she asked me if I was okay with her inviting her current boyfriend (who I’ve never met) I said that was fine because one more person was fine with me.*
**Mistake 2:** Don’t go on a trip with someone you’ve never met. See above.
**Mistake 3:** If the person you know best and with whom you were supposed to be spending most of the time suddenly asks to bring along a boyfriend, say no. No, you don’t want her to bring him, or no, you’ll bail out of the trip at that point if she does. Because if she brings him, the dynamic of the trip will change completely and you’ll be left alone a lot of the time. You made a mistake in saying “fine with me”.
*However, after I bought the plane ticket, she told me that the three other girls coming on the trip were also bringing their boyfriends.*
I’m not buying for a single moment that these boyfriends were unplanned late additions to the trip. I think she has known all this for a long time and has been drip-feeding the information to you, keeping most of it back until you were committed to the trip.
*She asked if I would be okay with that and I told her honestly that it would be a little uncomfortable for me to be essentially 7th wheeling*
**Mistake 4:** The correct answer to her question is NOT “I’d feel a little uncomfortable.” The correct answer is “This is NOT what I signed up for. Count me out.” Or if you would prefer to be more blunt: “Not on your fucking life.”
*She told me that it’s not a couples trip at all*
She’s wrong. It is.
*that she was sorry she forgot to mention this to me until now*
She’s lying. She did not forget. No one “forgets” something THAT important.
*but that it wouldn’t be awkward and that it would be fun.*
It’s not for her to tell YOU what YOU would or wouldn’t find awkward.
*She’s a lovely girl so I know she didn’t purposely not tell me until the last minute,*
She absolutely did. If you believe she didn’t, I have a bridge to sell you.
*but the more I think about it the less I want to go be around strangers who are all coupled up.*
I wouldn’t want to go either. It sounds like utter hell.
Cancel your plane ticket, and be very clear about why you are doing it. Not a wishy-washy “I’d feel a little uncomfortable”, but “This is not what I signed up for, I would never have said yes if I’d known, and **you should have told me**”.
NTA, but you will be if you let her trample all over you like this.
NTA. The trip changed, and as far as we can tell there is no financial penalty to your friend as a result of backing out.
NTA. If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand.
NTA. Why spend money to go somewhere and be around people that you won’t be comfortable with? Blackout while you still have the chance or find someone of your own to go with you.
Cancel your trip. You’re going to New York? You’re not getting an Airbnb, you’ll be booking last minute hotel rooms and they’re expensive. They’re all in couples and you’ll be by yourself. Just don’t go.
NTA
NTA – I’ve ended up in this situation soooo many times. What was originally supposed to be a girls’ trip with my three best friend would end up in a trip with their husbands (and then later husbands and kids) attending. As the single friend with no kids, it repeatedly became a situation where the couples would get the nice bedrooms with king or queen beds & en-suite bathroom while I would get the pull out sofa, bunk bed, or a room with two twins. Which would drive me nuts when I was paying the same cost as everyone else. So if you do go nd end up at an Air BNB, make sure that you are not stuck in a situation where they try to save money by getting a three bedroom and you end up on the sofa/sofa bed while expecting you to pay the same price.
NTA cancel that ticket. I guarantee you they gonna want you to pay same amount as them & you end up on a sofa bed or cot. Cause they don’t want to pay more for more rooms nor want to share a multi bed bedroom. Stay home have a spa weekend for yourself.