Me f 17 and my best friend f 17 have been friends for 3 to 4 years. We used to live 2 mins from each other meaning we saw each other all the time. But about a year ago I move to a different state. Ever since I’ve moved we have called every single day. We have spent hours on the phone talking and texting every hour of the day. But the problem is since I had spent so much time talking to her and texting her we’ve been fighting cuz I don’t wanna call all the time anymore . Since I’ve moved I’ve been struggling with my mental health and haven’t been prioritizing myself. I hardly went out unless I had to and I hadn’t made any friends. Recently she’s gotten really religious which I totally respect but I’m not the same way and she’s been fighting me and making me feel stupid for not believing what she believes. I tried telling her that we need a break cuz we talk so much and we need to be hanging out with other people and it worked for a short amount of time. I ended up joining clubs and making friends. And I started being friends with this girl and she invited me to hang out. when I told my best friend she freaked out saying I want to replace her and that I don’t care about her. I tried to tell her shes still my number one best friend and I would never want he to feel like that bit she didn’t want to listen then proceeded to act like nothing happened. I’ve been trying so hard to make sure shes happy but I’m struggling cuz I don’t think I want to be as close of friends with her anymore. Every time we talk she makes me feel bad about myself. We used to have so much in common but we’ve gotten older and we’ve changed and everytime I try to stop being friends with her I feel horrible and feel like I shouldn’t give up and keep trying to fix our friendship but I feeling I’m at my breaking point. Be honest am I the a hole?
NTA – friends growing apart is a natural part of life, especially when other factors are involved like distance, differences in religion/values, and unequal effort or expectations.
NTA – this is something that everyone can struggle with. It happens during the HS to college transition, and again from college to working transition, and even from working to family transition. People move, or have different work schedules, or family obligations (you can watch I Love You Man for an example).
Her making you feel bad is just her desperate attempts to keep things from changing, but they will. Do your best to ease the transition, but at some point either you or her will cut communications, unless she can calm down and agree to just occasionally speaking. Just try and understand how she’s feeling, try and be empathetic & understanding, but realize there’s a limit to this too.