I don’t even know where to start. I (19f) have been living with my partner (20m) for about 6-7 months now. When I moved in it was going to be me, him and his step dad (let’s call him John). John was recently divorced and has two kids as well as my partner. Bella (9f) and Jack (6m). Originally when I moved in it was meant to be the two kids would be over every second weekend for 3 days.
Things with the divorce went rocky and after living here for 3 months they are now staying over every 2nd week for the full week. This is fine and all but I no longer have boundary’s.
My stuff goes missing all the time (socks. Hairbrushes ect). I have noticed the kids will eat our groceries when they are over but I’ve never said anything as they are kids in there house. I would rather them eat something that I know is healthy than them to starve.
Where I’m drawing the line is my water bottle. I have this one water bottle which has a lot of personal meaning. It’s from my mum. My mum is still alive but there is a long history with this water bottle.
I noticed a few weeks ago that it was missing from my ROOM. I’ve been looking for it forever and have been really upset over it. Today while making lunch I see the water bottle on the bench. I ask Bella how did it get there. She then goes “oh I took it”. I kept my cool and ask why and she says John let me take it and I’ve been using it at school. She goes to grab it again where I then say no she can’t. I grabbed the bottle and stormed off into my room. I message my partner and he just says “that’s annoying, I’ll talk to John.” And changed the topic.
There have been so many other issues like as being over charged for bills and rent, being forced to babysit and other things like.
Would I be the asshole if I moved out? And do you think it would negatively affect my relationship as I know my partner is not ready to move out and I would have to do it alone.
If it does affect your relationship then he isn’t the one. Move out and take your water bottle with you.
NTA — this kind of thing kinda creeps up on you and before you know it, you’ve hit your limit.
NTA for moving out. It is not the original situation you agreed to. it will most likely impact your relationship but ultimately it’s about your comfort and whether your partner respects your perspective.
NTA, and this is not what you signed up for.
You would be the asshole if you didn’t move out
Did you not ask them since it was missing so long?
No she shouldn’t have taken it and she needs to know that’s not acceptable because it’s YOUR property. But you could’ve explained that to her instead of snatching it and essentially stomping off. You’re the adult here.
Recognize you would not be moving out because of a waterbottle. You would be rightfully moving out due to a lack of respect. John is not a dad living with four kids who have interchangeable stuff — you are not “lesser”; John is merely a roommate but clearly does not see you as a co-adult in your own right.
Consider before moving: to have a roommate’s meeting with John and your partner. Lay your concerns on the table. It may be John will see his actions in a new light and clarify boundaries and responsibilities. It may be your partner will back you up. It may be neither of these things will happen at which point you’d be better off moving out and possibly moving on.
MOVE OUT ALREADY
Girl if you don’t get your ass outta there!
You’re 19, you don’t need to be living with your boyfriend and his stepdad and two little siblings.
Face it, someone is trying to turn you into a teenage parent.
You didn’t sight up for this, and you are way too young to be burdened with someone else’s responsibilities in this way.
I’m sorry this is happening to the kids but it’s just as bad that they are doing it to you.
You will be doing them a favor by stepping out of the way so they can figure out to take better care of their family on their own.
Take a chance on your own.. you never know. It may be the best thing ever, or you’ll regret it. Either way you owe yourself to take a chance to see for yourself.
NTA and John is gross and rude. I don’t exactly expect a 9 y/o to understand this but John’s giving them free range over a shared space. Not cool. I’d leave too
NTA. You need peace and your own safe place. Your boyfriend can come and visit.