I live in a quiet cul-de-sac in UK. There’s only 16 houses on the street and we have a friendly WhatsApp group. Everyone knows everyone and I’ll always say hello to anyone I bump into.
We have two small children who often spend the day with my mother in law, their grandmother. When she brings them back, one of us is obviously in so there’s always one of our cars on the drive meaning she would park across our drive to drop the kids off as safely as possible.
Our drive is directly opposite the one across the road to us and one day after MIL dropped the kids off she went back to the car to find the woman who lives opposite very irate, let’s called this woman, Charlotte. Charlotte is angry at MIL as she couldn’t easily get her car into her own drive and demands that MIL never parks there again. My MIL is a very anxious woman and is terrified of upsetting anyone so reluctantly agreed and now parks further down the street (it’s hard to park outside our house as our next door neighbour requires 24 hour care so his carers often park outside our house).
I ask MIL if she wanted me to say anything but she said no so I left it.
Anyway, fast forward to this week and one of our friends was dropping our daughter back after taking her to a dance class that she does with friends daughter. We’ll call friend Layla. Layla parks across our drive in same way MIL used to. I wasn’t home but when I got back my wife tells me that Charlotte has been really rude to Layla about her parking. Layla is a single mum who’s been through a lot lately and is very upset by the interaction. I’ve not seen her since to discuss though, have only heard this from my wife who received a phone call later on.
Today I got home from the school run and saw that Charlotte had a window cleaner at her house and he’d parked his van directly across her drive, basically doing exactly what MIL and Layla had done at our end. It was slightly hard to back into the drive but really not a problem.
I think Charlotte is rude and hypocritical and think I need to raise this issue with her. My wife has said no as MIL doesn’t want me to say anything and Layla is quite timid and doesn’t want a confrontation. But I don’t want to let this behaviour go unchecked.
I’m a lawyer so am used to being calm and professional, so I know I can raise this in an appropriate manner and explain to Charlotte why her behaviour was out of order without making her feel attacked. I really think it needs bringing up.
But wife really doesn’t want me to say anything for the sake of neighbourly relations. I’m not fussed about that as I’d rather ensure she doesn’t verbally abuse my friends and family and also, they are planning to move so I don’t really care if they end up hating me.
So, WIBTA if I approach Charlotte about this next time I see her?
Yeah talk to her. She talks too remember. NTA
I think it’s best to possibly address in the moment? If you know someone’s dropping your daughter off, I would escort them back to their car and that way if the neighbor comes out to cause issues you can address it directly while it’s happening in a calm manner.
Could you be home and catch her in the act and then say something?
I would say NTA for having such a conversation, but do you think the conversation would accomplish anything? Or do you just want to get the feeling off your chest by confronting Charlotte? If it’s the latter, I would just skip the topic altogether. But if she seems like someone who would be open to hearing your side and changing, then the conversation would be worth having
NTA. I would talk to her. It’s not on for her to be yelling at your guests. A drop off of a child takes a few minutes. A window cleaner takes far longer. A few minutes is a minor inconvenience and a reasonable human would wait. I cannot imagine yelling at a neighbour’s guest the way this entitled Charlotte has, especially when she is being a hypocrite. As long as you can keep it polite when you talk to her then you should. Maybe tell her to address her issues with any if your guests directly with you rather than with them.
Sake of neighborly relations? Like screaming at your guests and scaring women? Say something. She has no right to treat anyone like that
NTA. Neighbourly relations have gone out the window. But I’d probably have to decide whether you think this is going to change her behaviour. She’s moving anyway so she probably cares very little.
NTA.
Wait until she has guests and then go tell her off for her atrocious behaviour.
Shame can work wonders.
I did wonder about posting something in the WhatsApp group but thought that would be going too far. Don’t think I’ve ever seen them have guests.
Do it.
This situation isn’t going to go away because they’ve demonstrated repetition. NTA for wanting to deal with it.
But, despite your assertion you are a solicitor and able to communicate calmly your post’s tone suggests you are angry and want to put her in her place on her door step. That’s not a good idea because you risk escalation. And, your wife has asked you not to…. always listen to your wife.
I think you should consider a nice middle class alternative like sending a thank you for your understanding note with some chocolates, or tactically ignoring them and carrying on regardless, or sending them a legal letter seeing as you are a solicitor.
Or, you could plan a drop off whilst you are there so you can use your lawyer skills in the moment at your home not here so you can’t be accused of initiating the inevitable argument.
Alternatively, you can just accept that some neighbours are entitled, irritable, dull and worthy of ignoring.
never let bully di what they do unchecked … confront her – if she is so ungly to you and your guest i bet she is thw same to others
NTA do it today