I want to move out by summer due to my job and I’m sure my mom will never want to speak to me again if I do so.
So I’m 21 and 2 months ago I got a new job at this clinic in a different city from the current city I live at. It’s an hour and more commute since I walk to the station, to my job and back home. I started to relay fully in using public transportation to get to work but it’s starting to get annoying because you never know if you’ll get there in time. A quick back story: i started working when I was 16 and took care of my financial needs fully such as clothes, medicine, school supplies, personal care stuff, and anything else that i needed. At 18 I started to help my mom with rent, but not a lot since I only worked p/t and made like 1000-1200 a month. I payed my phone bill, and at 19 I started to help her with her car insurance since I used it. When i turned 20 i decided to get a f/t job bc I wasn’t making enough to cover my bills. When i finally got the job offer after 4 months of looking, my mom wasn’t very happy about it, since it was in another town. When she realized i was getting paid more she wanted me to give more money for rent which i didnt mind but i also told her i cant give her half of the rent either because i need money to take care of myself. Her husband hasn’t been able to work as of late and she works from home but she doesn’t make a lot since her husband used to be the bread winner. I have two younger siblings and the youngest one is 5. Last month she texted me that she’s struggling financially to make up for the monthly bills and that she doesn’t know what to do and she’s going insane. I told her I’ll help with a lil more and paying my phone bill and car insurance but she got mad and said it was not enough so she’ll figure it out. She complains that she has so much bills to pay and that I need to help her more instead of just focusing on working, going to the gym and going out on the weekends and I should stop being selfish. I go out no more than 3 times a month. I work 9-5 and go to the gym 3 times a week since its near my job, I walk to the station and from the station to my house. I don’t rely on her for anything other than food and my room which I pay for. She has asked me to give her half of my monthly paycheck as a “joke” since I make a “lot”. Once while arguing she said that I’m selfish for wanting to move out and pay $1000 in rent instead of giving it to her and staying, but she’s not considerate about my long commute to work, she doesn’t like that i work at a different city, that I go to the gym, that I go out on the weekends(btw I don’t drink, smoke, party)I have a curfew of 9pm and I have to beg her a week before to be able to hang out. I’ve already made up my mind about moving out but tbh I feel bad about leaving my mom with her financial situation like that but I feel like it’s time I put myself first, but when the day comes, she def would say I’m the worst person ever, I’m selfish and self centered.
NTA – live your life. Your mom needs to take care of her own responsibilities. Don’t let her put them on you.
NTA. Move out, live your life. It’s not your fault that she’s in this position, and it’s not you job as the child to make up for her husbands inability to help while living under her strict rule. Her bills will be lower without you there, and you deserve the chance to grow and experience life as the adult you are. There’s a chance she’ll say this, but she’ll get over it. Just be strong, and remember that once you’re out, your priority needs to be taking care of yourself.
The fact that you have such a long commute and the fact that your mother tries to impose such a ridiculous curfew (for a 21 year old adult) are two excellent reasons to get your own place. I understand that you feel bad about your mom’s financial position and I understand that she is a little panicky about bills but it cannot be your responsibility to financially provide for her family.
She and her husband need to figure out a way to support their family.
NTA, move out, your parents finances aren’t your responsibility
NTA
Give your mom a little notice. If her husband can’t work because of disability or something, they might qualify for public assistance, more so without another adult earning money in the household.
You aren’t responsible for paying for your siblings.
9pm curfew when you’re a grown woman? Not a chance.
NTA – Get out while you can. Enjoy your freedom.
You’re 21 and you have a curfew? While paying rent? That needs to stop immediately, no matter what.
NTA. We see lots of examples of parents asking if they should kick their kids out to learn some responsibility. This is just the opposite of that. It’s time for you to let them stand on their own two (four) feet.
Why can’t your mom get a better paying job? Or perhaps you moving out will allow her to downsize. Kids are meant to leave the nest. Not build a nest for their parent.
NTA, she is responsible for her own finances.
NTA please get out asap. If she cuts you off frankly your life will improve. She is treating you like slave labor. Do not feel an ounce of guilt. My son has been on his own since he turned 18 in 2020. You can do this.
NTA. You need to move out. Your mother may be upset initially, but the Asshole in this situation is the other adult (her husband) that is not working. She will never hold him accountable if she is not put in the situation to do so. At the moment she is using you as a crutch and it is seriously hampering your won development and growth and independence. This will continue into the future until you make the change. She will come back around.
NTA
You’re 21 years old with a 9 pm curfew?!? You should have moved out already. Your parent’s financial problems are not *your* problem to solve. NTA and good luck as you begin your independence.