I (M26) currently live in the Midwest and my girlfriend (F24) moved back in September for work in California, I am a tax accountant currently studying for the cpa exam and currently live at home saving money and work at a firm that I started at in September as well after graduating…..after returning from visiting her recently I tried to discuss with my family the desire to move out there with her ASAP as we have been together for 2 years now and I am serious about building a life with her …. I was told that I was being stupid and that it was an insult as “they have sacrificed so much for me” and that I can’t just use my current job as a means to secure my cpa and move out there and that I’m abandoning my family “I’d only see them during Christmas because with the time change i might as well be moving to another country”. Overall the messaged seem to be I am selfish…. I understand that they’re allowed to be upset it’s not a decision I decided instantly and of course I love my family and would miss them but this is an opportunity to build my own life … so I just wanna know if anyone thinks I’m missing something am I selfish or will things calm down I just don’t know and hopefully some Reddit strangers can give some insight
NTA. Your life. Your choice.
NTA. You are a grown adult in your 20s. You are allowed to have your own life. They are also being kind of dramatic about a 3 hour time difference.
NTA you’re well beyond old enough to make this decision
You are an adult… Do what’s good for you…
This is Goddamn ridiculous. You’re a grown ass man, you do what you want.
Overall, nta. But, I would hold off on moving, just yet. Your family has a point about you getting established at your job and earning your cpa license. It would look a lot better better on your resume if you could hold for, min, 6mos. Honestly, a full year would be even better. You’re still young. You got time to build your life. It’s not a race. Furthermore, I would also look into laws around your license. As in, would you have to recertify in the new state after establishing residency. And if you do, this means you’ll be forced to take on another entry level job until you can establish residency and earn your license all over again. You might seriously want to consider asking your GF to come to you instead. But, it’s your life. Do what you want.
I appreciate your insight maybe “ASAP” made it sound more hasty but the things you mentioned were things I would make sure are squared away before making any move 🙂
Came here to say this. Also, if your firm is in any way contributing towards you get your cpa, they may have something in your contract with them (if you have one), or in the HR handbook, how you have to stay at the firm after getting it.
NTA it’s a hard choice to make, but it’s your choice, you want to start a life with her, that’s your life, do it.
How dare you not live in the house on the same block as your parents, marry the girl they select for you, even if you don’t love her, ignore her family entirely because you have to be with your family, and just continue to do everything you family demands of you. That’s so selfish. You asked your parents to conceive and give birth to you. Then you demanded they feed, cloth, and house you for 18 years. It’s selfish of you to not make yourself an accessory to their lives.
Go move to be with your girlfriend. Frankly even if things don’t end up working out with this girlfriend if this is the way your family is behaving you are going to have trouble having a long term relationship that is successful if you live in your hometown with your family. You will never be free to start your own family and make choices for your family with your partner. It will always be a very heavy guilt trip about you not being the extension and accessory your family wants you to be. This will sabotage you and leave you unhappy.
NTA.
Maybe you should not be living at home
This is ridiculous. You’re a grown man. You can (and should) do what you want. Your future is with the family you create. Go, don’t let your family hold you back and ask yourself “what if”.
NTA. Look up enmeshment.
NTA You are not being selfish, you are thinking of the future you want. You are young and you can take a big swing at your dreams. No one can promise you that it will all calm down. Too many unknown factors for strangers to make a guess. It may be that after a while they become used to you living across the country or they spend every visit, phone call, or text complaining they never see you.
What does your girlfriend think? Is she fully on board?