I 26 F and my fiancée 29 M , currently have our wedding set for May of 2026 and we are super excited. Back when we first got engaged I knew that I didn’t want my sister to be a bridesmaid due to our relationship not being good at all. Throughout my childhood my little sister would constantly verbally, physically, and emotionally attack me. She would say such ugly and vile things to me about my appearance, my weight, my clothes ect. Now you might think “ oh this is normal sister stuff “ but no it wasn’t. She would would constantly say vile things to me and bring me so tear on a weekly basis. Some of the stuff she would say was just so cruel they will leave you thinking “who sings like that “. She even began to say mean and ugly comments to my fiancé for no reason ( mostly about his families financial status ( you can imagine what kinda girl she is)) . Our relationship never really got better as we got older , but got more cordial. Fast forward to my engagement, my parents stated that they wanted my sister to be a bridesmaid. I fought back and explained with the many examples of her ugliness towards me and how i didn’t want that type of energy around me. We came to an agreement, they made my sister promise that she would not be ugly or say mean things to me during this engagement time or during wedding events. Well… she broke that promise… multiple times. What made me come to my last straw was when she went on a long rant about how i was a “ vibe killer” and how “ she just cant wait to move to OK so she doesn’t have to be in the same room as me anymore”. This rant was out of nowhere and was my last straw. Im standing up to my parents and removing her as a bridesmaid however they say if i do that there will be consequences ( aka removing all funding from the wedding that they are providing ) and tension in the family. Im not backing down. Its not fair to continuously be mistreated and expect to be no consequences for that party. I just wanna have a bridal party that I can trust in and that will support me . Am i the asshole?
Note to add: This entire time my sister has been begging me to try to convince my parents to not make her a bridesmaid. She does want to be a bridesmaid. I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid. They are forcing this. I believe, forcing this will hurt our relationship even more.
Of course, you’re NTA, but your sister and your parents are.
NTA. Tell your parents that they made an agreement and you expect them to live up to it. Tell them that you’re going to have a wedding where you are surrounded by people who support you. That isn’t your sister. That is no longer negotiable. Tell your parents that they now have a choice about whether to be supportive or to stay home and get to hear about your wedding from your cousins. If you have to have a smaller wedding that is much better than having toxic people standing next to you.
Sadly this is what they do. They hold me to all agreements and standards but when it comes to her … its the opposite.
This is such a messy situation since your parents might really remove all their contributions with the wedding. I think they should really understand your side since you and your sister have a bad relationship. I honeslty suggest you to agree that your sister will be the bridesmaid then cutting them off completely after that because those people are so close minded and I think that there’s a favoritism going on here.
I’ll have to disagree with you this is ops big day a day she will remember for the rest of her life and if her sister is at the wedding at all she’s going to ruin it when a person thinks about their wedding day they shouldn’t remember their sister being a little b*tch and the enabling parents she should get to remember it as nothing but perfect
NTA. It’s *your* wedding, not your sister’s and not your parents’. You deserve a bridal party made up of people you can actually rely on. Based on how your sister has already acted, there’s every reason to believe she’d pull the same stunt in front of all your guests if she were a bridesmaid — **especially if she’s making a toast at the reception**.
NTA. Hace a nice backyard wedding with your chosen family. Don’t invite any of them horrible people.
You need to go and elope, go no contact with your parents and sister. They are blatantly ignoring your sisters behaviour. Just because they are financing the wedding, they don’t get to dictate or demand who’s who and what’s what. NTA but your parents and sister are!! Cut them off!!
NTA. You mean to say, in all the years prior your parents never stepped in and corrected your sister? Grounded her punished her? Lectured her? They allowed her to continually criticize you? Your sister is definitely the ass here as are your parents. How dare they not stand up for you. Our mom would’ve nipped that in the bud immediately. Lecture #1- if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Lecture #2- family is all you got, so you be nice to each other. lecture #3- home is a safe place away from tormentors, so knock it off!. I’m so sorry that’s how you had to grow up.
NTA. It doesn’t seem like she wants to be your bridesmaid. She wants the attention that goes with the position
Your sister is a rock and your parents are also rocks and if you don’t cut them off they will drown you
Also nta
INFO- how were your parents ‘forcing’ it? it’s your wedding, and neither you or your sister wanted her to be a bridesmaid.
NTA
A cheaper wedding without her presence is going to be a *much* better memory for you and your husband. Cut that cord *now,* with as much time left to adjust budget as possible. Don’t let them pull those strings.
And fuck just not letting her be a bridesmaid, she can’t be trusted with an *invitation.* She should not be present, at all. You don’t want her there, *she* doesn’t want to be there, and certainly not as a bridesmaid. She doesn’t sound like somebody who isn’t going to cause a scene or otherwise foul up the atmosphere if she is forced to attend.
Perhaps you two should present a united front to them to make the situation clear.
But it sounds like she’s the golden child and your parents will blame you even though *neither* of you actually want her in attendance, and will probably refuse to attend as well. I’m so sorry that it’s like this for you. Your parents have done neither of you any favors allowing this shit your entire lives.
NTA but at this point I’d just elope