Im 18m and a middle child. My mom has always come to me for help when picking out gifts for my brothers or my dad. For context my family is well off so we can afford expensive gifts.
This year my mom got my younger brother 14 presents with some of them being designer clothes. She got my older brother an expensive computer mouse and several other items, and my dad received a expensive retro soccer jersey, an expensive robe and seven other gifts. Meanwhile I got only three gifts which were a phone charger, a chain, and a Gucci wallet. Keep in mind Ive never asked for designer stuff because I think they’re stupid for how expensive thy are.
I tried my best to act thankful and smiled while opening them, but she could tell I was disappointed. Even my 12 year old brother thought it was unfair and he actually tried to give me $100 from one of his gifts to make up for it but my mom wouldn’t let him.
The next morning, my dad asked if I was still upset and offered to return the items. I said no because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. However my mom could still tell my i was upset and went off on me for being "ungrateful." That’s what finally made me want to call her out. Out of both my brothers I’m the most helpful and grateful because I’m the only one who washes our dogs, I’m usually the only one who thanks her after every meal, I even pay my own car payments while my older brother doesn’t have to, and there a whole bunch of stuff like that I’m not listing.
Im not mad about how much my gifts costs compared to the others or about how many gifts I got it’s about the lack of effort. She relies on me to help her buy gifts for everyone else yet she couldn’t be bothered to ask my brother what I might want. She blamed me for not making a Christmas list, but she never asked for one, and I’ve been too busy with work and school to make one.
This is a recurring pattern. Before school started, I needed an iPad for my math classes which they ended up buying me one but told me it was my birthday present. Meanwhile, they bought my older brother one just because he needed it and not as a birthday gift. One Christmas, they bought my younger brother a Switch and my older brother a computer, while my only gift was a "shared" VR headset. For years, they didn’t even get me birthday presents until my older brother finally called them out on it.
Now its been 2 days (we opened presents on new years) and she is still upset at me for being upset and is saying stuff like from now on I have to do all my own laundry and that she is done doing mine and I overheard her saying that I live in our house like its a hotel because I got up from the dinner table after I finished eating and didn’t say anything because I was upset. I want to call her out on how unfair this treatment is and how easily she could’ve asked my brother to know what id like but I cant tell if its really unfair or if I’m actually being ungrateful and a spoiled brat.
ESH
Christmas always brings out the reddit users that seem to have never learned or have forgotten the golden rules about receiving gifts…… Never compare what you get to what others get and NEVER “call someone out” on a gift you did/didn’t receive. Be happy you got anything at all.
I’ve gotta say NTA. Yeah you shouldn’t complain but when craps this obvious and your mom is treating you like this much dirt, I’d give a pass.
Unless it is the gift you got from your parents
Info: Feels like there are some gaping self-awareness holes in this story that might help explain the disparity. Especially given her reaction that you treat her like staff. Saying thank you is nice but are you helping with anything? You’re 18 and your parents still do your laundry? Is that true of your older sibling?
More if an effort should have been made for equality.
I remember realising what it means to be a middle child too.
I feel for you.
NTA but have the conversation delicately, not about xmas presents, about how these things all equate to you feeling how you feel. Being singled out and least known and higher expectations etc.
You’re the most helpful and grateful because you wash the dogs and thank your mother after she cooks your meals?!
You were “too busy” to make a list of items you might like/need (busy with school and work but not busy doing your own laundry or cooking your own meals) but are annoyed your mother didn’t do the labour of asking you for a list.
YTA. You’re an adult but you’re behaving like a child.
saying that like OP is 30, he’s like 18..
Didn’t you already? You can of course say to your mom ” mom, i feel like you treat me differently than my brothers and give them better presents”
But what would that accomplish? As much as it sucks, siblings get treated differently. You are 18 and living with them. For now, you can do nothing about it. As an adult with your own money etc you are in a better position to deal with the situation as you want.
There is something to be said about being grateful for what you got even if it is less or pales in comparison. You are still a very privileged young man.
The few comments that are here are mostly wild to me. The favoritism is so glaring that your *older* brother had to call out that you specifically are the only one that didn’t get birthday gifts. So it’s not a case of you being the eldest / most adult, it’s not about the family being too short on money for any of them, it’s not about the monetary value of who gets what.
You’re hurt because you feel the least loved by your parents. Both of your siblings have alluded to a difference in treatment, the evidence is piling up that you are, in fact, treated differently, and I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be hurt by that.
Maybe there are gaps in OP’s maturity and story telling, maybe he is more privileged than other people, but suffering isn’t a contest that only the most tragic can win, we are healthier people when we process our hurts and feelings, and we are all entitled to our struggles.
It sucks because at 18, your legal protections are pretty much gone. NTA, but tread carefully. It’s not that your feelings are wrong, it’s that you could lose access to food and shelter if things really go sideways. Sometimes the reality is that you have to put your needs ahead of what’s fair or what you want. If you feel confident that your parents won’t try to kick you out, then sure, get it all out there. Just make sure you’re safe first
I agree with all of this, and please listen to the last paragraph.
This is some BS from your parents, and you definitely deserve better and you are right to be upset. It’s not about being equal, it’s about equity, kindness and love.
Tread lightly.
I agree 100% also. These are the best, most rational responses here. It’s about the disparity in overall treatment when you seem to have gone above and beyond your brothers. The gifts were just the straw that broke the camels back. Totally valid whether your mom or random people on reddit want to admit it. I agree, have the broader conversation (not just about gifts) with her privately and delicately IF you believe it’s safe to do so. If not, have it later when you’re on your own and out of the house, but it’s one that needs to happen.
Another thing people here are overlooking is that OP tried to suck it up, even when pressed, but his mom still got upset with him.