I want to help my mom financially by sending her money monthly after child support ends. Maybe like 500$ a months. That’s like 3 extra hours a week of work and she’s getting old, she’s working like 55 hours a week and I want to help her out you know she’s my mom.
Girlfriend, says that I’m being retarded, saying that my mom doesn’t need it.(Which may be true. But I want to help regardless)
She’s stating points such as:
1. Your money is my money and if I say you can’t spend 500$ on your mom, that means you can’t. My argument: I spend so much money on you (rent, groceries, activities, vacations, living expenses) for months, so you can focus on building your nail business (doing so makes me work 35-40 hours non stop a week). But because I want to help my mom, I’m not allowed to? Idk man
2. That I’m not prioritizing her and our relationship? Because I’m spending my 500$ a month for my mom which she says I could spend on her advertisement or investments like the S&P, OR A HOUSE! My Argument: spent the last 4 and a half years prioritizing our relationship. Giving up college and hours of my life to help her business and give her a better life. And I’ll be continuing to do so, just I’ll be also helping my mom on the side. But if I do that I’m changing my priorities?
3. I shouldn’t work an extra 3 hours a day because that would take time away from me to work on my own business. My argument: I already work 35-40 hours a week to help fund her life, an extra 3 will not change much
4. She’s saying that this decision changes her perspective of our relationship. Why is she investing on her nail business and doing nails if I’m not gonna fully invest in her. My Argument: I’ve been (again) Investing on her for the last 4 years, and I will continue to do so. But because I want to spend a little bit of my money to help my mom, it’s going to make you stop working for me? After everything I’ve done?
I guess some context: we’re not really wealthy obviously. Often times I do complain about money and stress about it (I’m human). But I always make sure to have enough and pay for everything. And she’s upset because she feels guilty. But feeling guilty only gets you so much. And honestly, she doesn’t really work that hard on her business. Like many days of the week she just spends at home. So I’m like 95% financially responsible for everything.
And yeah, I guess my mom doesn’t NEED the money. But I want to help. But that’s such a big problem.
My mom has asked me to help, but said I don’t need to if I don’t want to. Easy manipulation trick but I genuinely just want to help. I don’t know.
Kinda the whole situation.
This ain’t really about the 500$. It’s just more about her response and reaction to it that bothers me.
I need to hear what you guys think.
Your girlfriend sounds like a leech. Edit: NTA
Sounds like she needs to worry about herself if she’s sitting around while you take care of everything. The. Having the nerve to ask for more when she isn’t growing with where she’s already at. I’ve met many women who do nails and they get clientele pretty fast and the rest seems to be history. She could be doing more or just mind her business. She’s your gf not your wife
You are not the AH. If you want to help your mom, do so. You are already supporting your GF, and she should not tell you what to do with your time and money.
NTA. She’s not a GF, she’s just a gold digger. Only a gold digger says your money is her money. That’s some next level gold digging right there. Dump that loser.
Your girlfriend sounds very selfish and controlling. What would happen if your mom really needed the funds? Like facing homelessness or deep medical debt?
You should reassess this relationship.
NTA
NTA. Girlfriend not wife, none of your money is her money.
It is a conversation though. Then you get to decide if the relationship is worth it. My opinion, it is not
It’s your money – if you are meeting all your own financial obligations and have $500 left to spend on your mom, you can do that. You can light it on fire and dance around it singing. You can send it to me! It’s a free country and you can do what you want with your money.
If your girlfriend doesn’t agree then you should work out these boundaries before she gets pregnant or you get married. Does she think you are overly controlled by your parents? Is she worried that the amount you will need to send to your mother will grow and your/her lifestyle will take the hit? Is she worried that you will have to move your mom in with you eventually? Get some answers so you can move forward.
ETA – NTA
Run! She only wants your money and wants to control it. Get rid of her asap. She‘s too controlling.
NTA. Your girlfriend is rough, controlling, and ignorant. Her using the word ret\*\*\*ed is all I need to know about her. Disgusting.
Sweetie let the gf go.
As a wife who has watched her husband help family members who really didn’t deserve to be helped but understood he was doing it out of HIS love, not theirs.
You want to give your mom some help and that’s beautiful, even if she won’t accept it it’s a tribute to how well she raised you that you want to help her.
NTA.. maybe re-think your girlfriend. lol
If you can afford it, your mom is 55, do it.❤️
If she can’t get her business off the ground in four years, it’s likely she never will. It sounds like she’s sponging off you and you’ve lowered your education levels to make money for her. Yuck. Why can’t she pull her weight.
Please, please ensure that no children come into this mix or she will never work another day in her life.
“Your money is my money” that tells me alot about your GF, obviously this post is about money so there is not alot of other info, but is your GF nice to you in other ways, because she sounds like a leech. NTA
Dump the nail career chic help your mother