AITA for not prioritizing my relationship with my father?
I love my dad and I know he has tried his best but if I’m honest I don’t feel any need to maintain a relationship with him. Let me explain, so my dad was pretty absent for the first 9- 10 years of my life. He worked as an industrial electrician and traveled around a lot but he could easily have gotten a job at home. I know this because when my half siblings F(8) and M(7) were starting to go to school he quit the job which he had been telling me was “the best he could do” and got a slightly lower paying at home to be near them.
While he was absent from my life it was due to his abusive partner who he was “protecting” me from. She decided to hurt me one day and when I told him he yelled at her but decided instead of getting a divorce and leaving her kids (who weren’t his) without a father figure he would rather have them moved states away and prevent us from interacting. From that point on he only came home during Christmas and my birthdays. He would send back child support to my mom who had to work 3 jobs at a point and call me once a week. I used to think he was the greatest because everytime he was home he’d always take me to do something fun and was super fun to play with. He loved running around with me and he still loves running around with my half siblings when he isn’t dealing with their insufferably rude mother. (Their mom isn’t the same one who he moved states away btw)
For further context he moved back after we got in a sort of argument. I went to special boarding school that I had to submit test scores, placement tests, and do an interview for during my junior and senior years of highschool. This meant that I moved away from home 2 years earlier than most kids because I really wanted to get ahead academically. Anyways my dad was calling me consistently every day and I wasn’t answering because I was busy studying but when I did he started getting mad at me because I wasn’t talking to him. Saying “I’m your dad you can spare a few minutes to talk to me after everything. If you are that busy you shouldn’t even be at the school in the first place.”
This is where the slightly asshole thing comes in. I told him “I love you but you weren’t even there for me so you don’t have the right to say I shouldn’t be at a school I worked my ass off to stay at just because you want to talk to me.“
Since then he’s really been trying to be better but it’s hard to just get over it. He’s been coming up to where I’m at college and visiting one of his old work buddies recently and both times he’s tried to eat out with me. The first time I didn’t mind but this time I didn’t even respond to him. It wasn’t out of anger or spite I just if I’m honest would rather spend time with my friends and my Bf.
There is a whole lot of additional drama which went down that left me traumatized but most of that was because of his history of dating abusive partners and me getting caught in the cross fire.
Nta. Too little too late. He needs to accept that you’ll rebuild the relationship *if and when* you want to. His time where you had no say in the relationship is over.
NTA. You grew up and grew apart from him while he was away, then saw him be there for his other kids. He damaged the relationship, and he doesn’t get to say if/when it gets fixed.
NTA. So for years now, he only came to see you on Christmas and your birthday, and called once a week. Why does he suddenly want to talk to you every day and come visit you often? You do not owe him daily phone calls or frequent visits. You should tell him if he was going to be too busy to be in your life when you were growing up, he shouldn’t have had a kid. He set the precedent for your relationship, and you have every right to want to keep it as it was. Stay strong and protect your peace. Please make time to see a counselor at school to discuss everything you went through because of ypur father. Hugs