I (28F) recently had a conflict with a coworker (let’s call him Mark, early 30s). For context I’m someone who generally minds my own business and tries not to interfere in how other people live their lives. I really value that same attitude in return.
A few days ago we were sitting at lunch with a bunch of other colleagues. Conversation was flowing just the usual ranting about work. At some point the conversation drifted toward life choices and relationships and it was an sort of an open secret that I recently broke up with my bf.
Out of nowhere Mark started giving me a bunch of advice about my now ex bf. Things like how a woman could tick off her man and even commenting on how I “come across to men.” None of this was advice I asked for.
At first I tried to just laugh it off and change the subject but ht he kept going. Every time I tried to redirect the conversation he would circle back to explaining how he thought I should have been more feminine otherwise my ex bf and I wouldn’t have broken up.
Anyway it started to feel really condescending and before I knew it I yelled at him to just stop. He looked really taken aback and said I didn’t need to “yell” and that he was "genuinely looking out for me and didn’t mean to offend". I called him a jerk and got up and left.
I’ve been second guessing myself since then. Others told me it was understandable but I kinda feel I might have gone too far and should have just thanked him and left it at that cuz he’s usually pretty helpful at work idk… So AITA?
NTA Nothing like a man mansplaining to you why you’re not good enough for a man, esp when who the f asked him?
NTA. He is the asshole though. He had no right to tell you what you could do better. You did not ask for advice and tried being polite. Honestly if you really wanted to you could go to HR for harassment but you put him in his place. No notes.
NTA. Mark was not looking out for you he was being sexist and overstepping boundaries by far. You were trying to steer him away and he chose to ignore those and continue insulting your personality. Yelling at him was the natural response to the harassment he was giving you. You dont need to thank anyone for the disrespect they are giving you.
NTA
Reading some of what he said to you in a group work lunch setting I applaud your restraint. It’d be different if you asked for advice from this random ass man you work with. But you didn’t and he crossed some lines in my book.
NTA. Dude needs to listen and mind his own.
NTA. His behavior was creepy.
NTA You changed the subject multiple times and he kept circling back to tell you, in front of everyone, that you were not feminine enough. He was not helping you, he wanted to say that stuff out loud and you were just the excuse.
NTA sometimes raising your voice and leaving is the only way to get through to that kind of asshole
NTA. Mark crossed a line there with his sexist remark, and that is not acceptable for anyone. Worth making that clear to Mark. And setting boundaries with everyone (not just Mark) regarding discussing personal life at work. If worse comes worse, consider raising a concern with HR.
nta. He was trying to dip his pen in company ink
NTA. He should be told “Unsolicited advice is criticism.” Plain and simple.
NTA. He was mansplaining things to you. What you should have done was look at him and say, look, i’m not interested in you.So why bother. That would have embarrassed him and made him leave you alone.
You got pissed off because some dickless mansplaining incel with boundary issues lectured you on how everything is your fault because you aren’t feminine enough???
Why ever for?
Honey, you showed way more restraint than I would have. I would have verbally eviscerated him. And then reported him to HR and if they dared fire me for it I’d sue them for sexual harassment.
And I am not even joking.
NTA. He was weirdly fixated on the subject and you tried many times to politely steer the conversation away from it. He fucked around and found out.