I know this is a bit silly but need some perspective.
So we got a lot of snow today, and I planned to shovel. While I was in the bathroom, we get a ring at the door from some kids who ask to shovel.
I come downstairs and my gf said she agreed for a couple of dollars and that she wants to do something nice for them. I’m a little annoyed because I don’t think we need to pay for it but ok, she already agreed.
She then proceeds to head to my wallet and grab money. I get a little more annoyed but then I head out and give them the money (just 10 bucks).
She says, “now you don’t have to shovel!” At this point, I’m a bit visibly agitated. Then later I say that I don’t appreciate having to pay when she agreed for this thing that I didn’t really ask for, especially if she was trying to do something nice for the kids and for me, she should be the one to pay as a nice gesture.
She gets really upset and starts arguing that it’s only 10 dollars, and I agree but keep telling her it’s not about the money. She only agreed to pay for it after I raised it as an annoyance. She kept arguing that she should be entitled to take some money from me for little things like that if it’ll benefit me, plus she doesn’t carry cash. I then say if the gesture was truly to lift the burden of me having to shovel then it would mean more if she paid, but her saying I should let her take money from me for this thing, admittedly does help me from shoveling, that is small, then I should just forget it.
Am I overreacting? I was initially a little upset by the paying for it without consulting me and not even offering to pay for it herself as a gesture but then I got a little more upset bc it felt entitled when she said she should be allowed to take small amounts from me for the benefit of me and us. We don’t live together, for more context.
$10 to shovel 10 inches of snow, and you’re complaining? YTA
You missed the point it’s not about the money at all. Yes that’s a hell of a deal but the point is her volunteering his wallet. I would not like it either if someone said yes to something and then had me pay for it without me ever being consulted. Once again it’s about the principle not the 10 dollars he made that clear in the post.
From OP’s comment the “shoveling” was just clearing the snow from 4 steps in front of his house since he lives in a city.
It probably would have taken OP all of 5 minutes to do it himself, it’s not like this was a big suburban driveway
NTA; you are right. She is being kind to them with your money. It did not lift any burden of labor off of you. You lifted your own burden with your own money.
Oof NTA but this is going to be hard to make her see, I think. You’re upset because she’s acting like she’s doing you a favor but you never wanted the favor to begin with AND she’s making you pay for that favor you never wanted. But she’s feeling really kind and giving and helpful and she really enjoys that because she gets the feeling without having to give up any of her own money or effort. When you bring this up, you’re trying to show her that she’s not actually being kind and helpful and giving, she’s actually being selfish and entitled … and no one likes feeling that way.
Edited to add: It’s a bit of a red flag for her to decide it’s okay to spend your money and then reach into your wallet without the two of you first establishing when it’s okay to do that. I’d say be prepared for more instances of her arbitrarily making decisions for the two of you. And more arguments and defensiveness when you try to talk to her about them.
No way anyone is shoveling snow for $10 in 2026
NTA
The fact that you guys do not live together/have combined finances and she feels that she should be entitled to your money is a red flag even if it’s only “small amounts”.
Bet she would feel irritated if he took money out of her purse to pay for something for her as a “gift”
“I decided to buy you lunch…so I took $30 from your purse” would NOT go over well…
NTA- She shouldn’t have wallet permission, you don’t even live together. It’s a red flag that she got defensive instead of apologizing.
And all those people saying now, you don’t have to shovel have never paid a neighbor kid to do something. They’ll stop halfway and leave with the money. You’ll be shoveling anyway 😁
Even if you live together, even if you’re **married**, you should not be going into your partners wallet without permission. Women in general don’t like anybody going into our purses, be it spouse or child, as it’s a violation of privacy. Same goes if you go into your husband/boyfriend’s wallet. Living in the same house does not equal what’s yours is mine and mine yours. Some things remain yours and yours alone.
Disagree – my wallet is open to my spouse and vice versa.
Which is a valid agreement to have, but one you actually need to discuss and, well, agree on, not just assume you’re entitled to it.
NTA
If she wants to agree to pay kids to shovel, that’s fine.
But using *your* money for something *she* decided to do was the AH behavior on her part.