AITA. I (32 f) complimented a female nurse during OBGYN appt for having nice arm muscles. She was very bothered by my comment for some reason which I am trying to wrap my head around. She went on and on saying that most people working on themselves at the gym have serious mental health issues and are working out to channel through it and not to “look nice.” I apologized and told her I meant no harm and that I simply admired her for looking strong. She kept getting more angry and I just stopped responding. I left the office feeling really confused. Any input would be greatly appreciated from this awkward human who was just trying to socialize. (I’d like to add that she was wearing the type of scrubs with cap sleeves that specifically show off your upper arms.)
NTA. nothing wrong with saying “nice guns” to someone.
Who tf brings up mental health issues because they got complimented for their muscles? I suppose probably someone with mental health issues but damn. Quite an overreaction.
She basically said. “You don’t know my trauma” at her place of work to a patient.
I guarantee you most people at the gym don’t go there because they have mental health issues, so that tangent tells you more about the nurse and why she reacted the way she did.
So your perfectly innocent comment hit the wrong note, you apologized, you moved on. NAH.
I disagree. Everything but the NAH was spot on. The nurse’s rant in response was uncalled for. We’re taught to be professional during bedside manner, that does not mean flying off the handle at a patient who dared to call a woman strong. OP was in a vulnerable position when she snapped, that’s a terrible look on the nurse and the practice.
HOWEVER…
This is a sobering example of why we’d all do best NOT to comment on people’s bodies. In many cases, no matter what your intent, the words are not welcome.
Now obviously, this employee has mental health issues and gave a nuclear response to what was intended as a compliment. I don’t think you were the asshole at all, OP. But we all should work toward normalizing the fact that comments about other people’s bodies should be kept in our own heads.
It’s generally not a good idea to complement someone on their body during a professional interaction. You may have been well-intended, but a light YTA.
You: Hey I admire you and you look strong 🙂
Her: How dare you!
NTA clearly she’s dealing with some issues
NTA. lol what is wrong with the people saying you shouldn’t give compliments like that? The nurse seems like a real weirdo. What a strange assumption about why people work out, and how rude to not just take the compliment and move on, but to make you feel like some kind of asshole.
NTA. “Most people working out at the gym have mental health issues” ??!! That’s not true, and it’s kind of bonkers to think that.
I think it would have been better for you NOT to compliment her muscles, but doing it doesn’t make you an AH. You meant to be nice.
A good rule for complimenting people is to only compliment things they have control over or can easily change. “I love your necklace.” “I love that dress, the color looks so good on you.” Those are good compliments.
“You look great, I wish I could be that skinny.” Oops, they have anorexia.
Gentle ESH. As others have pointed out, it’s best not to compliment strangers’ bodies. This is especially true at a person’s place of work. I might compliment someone’s outfit, hair, or even eyes, but muscles are more intimate.
That said, her reaction was really over the top. Going off on you about her mental health struggles was weird and unprofessional. She could have just said, “hey I don’t love comments on my body, even if they are complimentary.” Instead, she kept berating you even after you apologized. There is simply no reason to go through life with such a chip on your shoulder.
Shake it off, avoid these comments in the future, and know that this woman’s reaction says more about her than it does about you.
Honestly, it’s best not to comment on other people’s bodies. I was brought up that it is rude to make personal comments. I may compliment a stranger, but it is always on something they have control over, such as choice of clothes, jewellery, etc.
That said, I am sorry that you got what sounds like rather an overreaction to your kindness.
“Most people at the gym are mentally unhealthy” is a HELL of a broad statement to make about an enormous number of people.
NTA.
Light YTA
She’s there doing a job, not to get commented on her body
I avoid commenting on the bodies of people I don’t know. You never know what kind of insecurities and even trauma they have.