My mom passed away on 12/24/25. We made shirts in her memory. Wasn’t something I was asking if you wanted. When family was coming over they would say I want one and we would add them to the list. Everyone in our family got one besides my uncle (moms brother) and his wife. The day of the visitation came and everyone was wearing baby pink or white shirts that we had made. When my moms brother showed up with his they were in the very back and all dressed in black. I offered from them to come closer to us in front. And before I knew they were gone.. next day came and the didn’t show up to funeral (or cemetery). Came to find out they were upset that they didn’t get a shirt so they didn’t show up to say say there last goodbye to my mom. So I’m I the asshole for this? Is it me I’m I the problem.?
One word -GRIEF. He felt left out, is already hurting and grief does not help with rationale. He took it personally, and I’m hoping he can forgive himself for missing the service and that you all can work thru this. I’m very sorry for your loss.
INFO: Did your uncle know you were making shirts? Did he know that everyone else got them? How did the others know to ask for the shirts? It definitely seems odd that all family knew to ask and only he didn’t.
Your uncle likely doesn’t know that everyone else asked for one. I bet he feels like you have singled him out to humiliate him.
If you’re going to make shirts you should have made enough for everyone.
YTA. Not cool to know that most other family members had special shirts, bit not her brother.
YTA. at the point where EVERYONE ELSE has had a shirt made for them, that’s about where it’s time to think of her brother and reach out to offer one to him. i can’t imagine how he felt.
You can’t think outside the box. They shouldn’t have to ask. YTA
YTA. He lost his sister, and when going to pay respect, found what seems to be quite a large majority of people dressed in uniform, special clothing. He was actively grieving, and then likely felt extremely left out and alienated from the rest of the family. I get not asking if people wanted them at first, but you’re clearly bringing it up to people in order to put them on the list. If you had so many people asking for them, you had to write all their names down, you could’ve easily sent out a copy-pasted text to the rest of the family being like “hey, I’m making some shirts. Would you want one?” Furthermore, it was his sister. I feel it would be pretty obvious if anyone wanted one, it would’ve been him.
I think unintentionally YTA
You should have probably contacted all immediate family and told them what the plan was and to ask them (double check) if they wanted a shirt to be a part of the celebration of your mom’s memory.
I’m not going to say YTA to someone whose mother passed away so recently. But I can see why they felt hurt and excluded when everyone but them had on the special shirts.
I’m gonna go with NAH mostly just because of grief. I wouldn’t imagine you coming here asking would mean you meant to leave him out of it in the moment. My guess would be you weren’t spending all your time focusing on who asked and who didn’t logging orders like a business. Lots going on I’d imagine.
That being said, if you walked into a room of a large number of people, not just people, but family all sharing in their grief matching and you had no idea, you’d probably be hurt. Even with no intentions of hurt.
I don’t think (I hope it wasn’t) it was intentional.
Why didn’t you just text everyone and ask if they wanted a shirt? Or just have a few extras incase anyone showed up and didn’t have one. I don’t think YTA, everyone here is grieving but this just was poor planning and unfortunately someone was left out, while also grieving, you may have unintentionally ostracized your uncle. Maybe reach out and apologize and let him know it wasn’t intentionally. I’m sorry for your loss.
YTA. They would have immediately felt that they weren’t seen as part of the family, that they somehow didn’t deserve to get to honour your mom along with everyone else. He is probably wondering what the hell he did to slight the family in the past to be excluded from the inner circle.
When you had that substantial of a list, it should have occurred to you to just make one for everyone and go through your family members in your head, one by one and have a shirt done up. If someone hadn’t been able to make it, then you could mail it to them as a memento. Gosh that must have hurt him so much and you are completely clueless.
YTA. How did *everyone* know to ask for one except your uncle?
Also, I’m very sorry for your loss 💔
Soft YTA, everyone was wearing white and baby pink and NOBODY thought to give him a heads up? During a funeral I would have taken it personally