She is 33, works part time and still has not completed her Bachelors. She also does not help much in the household. Because most of her free time is occupied with talking to and visiting her parents and siblings.
She spends roughly 30-40 hours/month on the phone talking to them an then another 50-60 hours visting them. Thats 80-100 hours a month.
So basicially 2 full time weeks are spent visiting and talking to parents/siblings and another 2 full time weeks are spent working. Leaving just some 20-30 hours a month for learning/the household.
I told her to reduce the amount she talks/spends time with her family to perhaps 50-60 hours/month. Thats still plenty and she would gain some 20-30 hours for the household+her Bachelors. But shes dismissive and claims that she doesnt talk/spend so much time with them and that Im exaggerating.
I just want her to finally complete her Bachelors so that she has at least some chance in this horrible Job market. And I also want her to do more in the household, because right now I do around 80%.
AITA?
>She spends roughly 30-40 hours/month on the phone talking to them an then another 50-60 hours visting them. Thats 80-100 hours a month. So basicially 2 full time weeks are spent visiting and talking to parents/siblings and another 2 full time weeks are spent working. Leaving just some 20-30 hours a month for learning/the household.
This is so hard on the heart to read.
Imagine having a partner that counts the hour you not doing things they want to.
Would be curious to find out how long OP spends doing the same things he’s complaining about his GF doing.
>and another 2 full time weeks are spent working
So miserable that he had to put this in just a sentence.
Dude must have no life of his own if he’s tracking every minute of his girlfriend’s day. She needs to run.
well obviously, if she’s doing it THAT much heck i’d start counting too
INFO
Since she’s clearly not interested in changing, what are you here for? Validation?
You know the answer already. Being an equal partner is not a priority for her. So you need to decide if you can live with that or deserve better.
You can absolutely ask your partner for more help around the house, and a conversation is needed if you feel the division of labour isn’t fair.
But tracking the hours she spends talking to her own parents is weird. That’s her family, and it’s odd that you have such a problem with her spending a lot of time with them.
No it’s not, it’s stopping her from school work and house hold chores, sadly she want to be a trophy wife
It is weird that you are counting hours like that. How many hours are you spending calculating that?
Why can’t she just talk on the phone with her family *while* she’s helping around the house?
Who is checking hours? WTF?
ESH. How she manages her time is none of your business, but yeah, she should pull her weight by either finishing her education or drop out and start work full time plus household chores.
You are making it too easy.
Oh and that relationship is down the drain.
Your resentment of her comes through very clearly. Re-read what you wrote. You’re tracking the hours she spends “off-task” (according to you). Yikes.
Two choices:
1. Spell it out for her that she needs to pull her weight. Leave out the discussion about how she spends her time as it’s not relevant. I’m sure she would consider some things you do in your spare time to be wasteful. This isn’t about what she’s doing, it’s about what she’s NOT doing. You two need to divide the chores fairly and each take care of your respective assignments. If she refuses or doesn’t follow through, move to choice 2.
2. Move on. You’re incompatible.
Y T A for being so judgmental and stalker-ish on how she spends her time, but N T A for feeling that she’s taking advantage of you and feeling frustrated. Stop tracking her hours. No one wants to be micromanaged. Look at the final product—whether or not she takes care of her responsibilities in a timely manner. She can talk on the phone while she folds laundry for all you care—as ling as she foes her assigned chores.
What I’ve gathered from this post is that you probably don’t do as much as you think you’re doing. Tracking her hours like that is strange and if she doesn’t want to study then that’s her choice entirely? I am picking up a controlling, narcissistic vibe here.
Yeah this thread is insane. No way would this be the reaction if the partner was a man who wasn’t working full time and was only doing 20% of the house work because he was on the phone to his mum. NTA. People’s main problems seem to be that he did the maths.