Last week on Friday, my (19m) stepsister (17) texts our family group chat (with me, my dad (52), my step mom (47) and my other step sister (19f)) For further context our parents got married 1 year ago so I never really got to know either of them too well and we all generally mind our own business,
She asked if someone could please grab her soup from a deli place like 2 miles down the street from our house on their way home because she wasn’t feeling well. My dad and step sister both said they would be home later, and my step mom said that since she had a license now and could go herself. She said she was feeling really bad and didn’t think she could.
I was driving and stopped at a gas station and when I checked my phone while there I saw the messages and said that I could grab her some since I had just gotten off work. She said thank you and my step mom immediately responded and asked if I was sure since she was almost an adult who could get it herself. I said it was no big deal and that it was on the way home. We get take out from this place for dinner sometimes and I remembered she likes their cookies so I grabbed one for her too.
When I get home my step sister was on the couch and my step mom was on the kitchen Island but their kinda in the same room, so when I gave her the soup and the cookie my step mom noticed.
Later on my dad tells me that apparently my step mom didn’t like that I went and got her the soup after she said she could grab it herself because I was undermining her, and apparently she also didn’t like that I bought her a cookie too because apparently it was rewarding laziness. I said she was being ridiculous because it was literally soup and my dad told me that it didn’t matter and that if she didn’t like it I was in the wrong because I crossed the line by doing something she didn’t want me to do.
I thought she was over reacting at first but it seems like she is still upset about it and the more I think about it I feel as if I may have went against what she wants which is semi-rude.
NTA. You behaved normally; you had no idea they had this weird controlling borderline abusive dynamic.
NTA. How could you have known that your stepmom didn’t want you to go? It sounds like your stepsister was sick and you were just being nice by getting the soup. When I’m sick I don’t want to leave my bed let alone leave the house
NTA. But I wouldn’t be doing step-mother any favours any time soon.
NTA
Your stepmom is on some weird power trip, and your dad is complicit in her tomfoolery
Tell your dad you now feel like your stepmom has overstepped with you because you’re an adult and you can make these a decisions on your own
But also OPs stepsister is being mature and acting more like an adult than their own mom. When you’re sick, you stay home so you don’t get other people sick.
Honestly, the step mom basically saying, “get it yourself.” Is weird. I can see the point she was trying to make, the kid is almost an adult and she needs to learn how to navigate illnesses and situations in her own if there’s no one available to help.
But there was. *AND OP OFFERED*, because OP is a kind person, and if step-mom is so offended that another adult offered to help ***HER*** child, then that’s a ***HER*** problem and she needs to build a bridge and get the fuck over it.
Op it shows a little effort and care and it makes step mom feel like shit because if that was you, she would absolutely *NOT* do the same for you. You are *NOT* her children and *NOT* her family.
NTA I hope when your stepmother is poorly she can’t get some soup either
In this situation, only the other parent can *undermine* the step-mom – in order to undermine someone you need to be an authority figure. All you did was a favor for your step sister. Step mom didn’t forbid anyone from helping her, just told her to get it herself. Step mom is being petty and controlling and weird. Why is she so sissy that you got your step sibling food? If she’s unwell, she shouldn’t be going into public spaces.
NTA. Your father is choosing his wife over his child by letting the wife’s pettiness become law in the house. There’s no reason why she should’ve forbid someone from bringing soup to your sick sister. I’d go as far as saying the wife hates your sister. No one who generally cares for someone would mind that another person is bringing them soup or a cookie. Your father is going to have a rude awakening when he wonders why his daughter never comes by to visit when she’s an adult.
You did nothing wrong. Also it’s dangerous for your step sister to be driving if she’s feeling really sick so she did the right thing and you were kind. It doesn’t matter that she’s almost an adult she’s still just a sick kid and you treated her as such. Her mum can go be salty elsewhere she just doesn’t like that someone else actually saw and treated her sick child the way she should.
Hope she’s feeling better and the soup helped her feel less shitty.
Just keep up being a decent person and you’ll have a lovely relationship with these kids and their mum can wonder why they like you better
What does being an adult have to do with it? I’m an adult with kids, one in college. And if I’m feeling sick, my wife will get soup for me, not make me get it myself. And I do the same for her. That’s an absurd thing to have a problem with. Unless your stepsister does this habitually because she’s lazy, but you didn’t mention anything about that in your post.
NTA, but your stepmom is. If someone is already out and possibly passing the place anyway, why make the girl get dressed, go out, and go get soup when she’s not feeling great (or even if she was just tired or not up to driving)? It sounds simply like a form of control that your stepmother is trying to exert. And then to make such a huge deal over someone doing something kind, even invoicing punishing you and getting your dad involved is just nutters. She asked if you were sure, and you were. You aren’t a mind reader and there’s no legitimate reason for her to do any of this.
That’s what siblings are for.
If a sibling allies with a parent against another sibling – something ain’t right in the household.
NTA. Your stepmom is a controlling weirdo. Feel free to tell her and dad that they’re entitled to their opinions, and then just keep on keeping on.