I (28F) recently got a great paying job I love which is allowing me to think about getting my own apartment. Well, I found one I like and am thinking of signing the lease. I told my parents, and it was kind of a weird thing. I could tell they felt worried, but tried to smile and be supportive. So, I’ve been helping my dad with rent each month, which is fine but it’s really not because I’m the only one that helps; there’s 2 other people here. My mom and my little brother. My dad did not set his life up for much, nothing really. So I feel guilt wanting to leave, being in the only one able to help with rent.
Edit: some things I will clarify
1. My mom is unable to work due to many back surgeries. 2.My brother is old enough to work, but doesn’t for some reason. He has never had a job, graduated, or done anything. Doesn’t contribute, he is severally depressed.
2. I’ve been paying well over my portion of rent for it being 4 people who live here. I’m not prepared to keep taking care of everyone when I could do it myself.
I just have immense guilt knowing my dad will struggle to make rent. I have been consigned for 4 years so he could make income requirements
You have a responsibility to yourself. Move out.
NTA. How old is your little brother? Can he start working? Also how about your mom. Maybe she can get a part time job. You’re 28 it’s time for you to move out, get your own place, and live on your own.
There is no actual AH in this story.
You all are a family, talk this out, talk about the future when you have already moved out. How can they sustain themselves, does your brother go to school onwards, etc.
Just talk and don’t stop until everything sorted. Best of luck to you all.
Agreed. It sounds like it’s just a bad situation where no one is really the asshole.
There has to be a compromise everyone can work with, even if it means getting the brother some help so he can contribute.
Could they rent out your room for some extra cash?
NTA You’re 28yo and shouldn’t be responsible for your parent’s financial situation and definitely shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to live your own life.
NTA – Your father could find something, every job is important. Your Mother, and Brother can as well. (Given your brother is old enough.) You are an adult, and deserve to get out and live your life.
They can down size! You have to take care of your life! Maybe your mom can work even a part time job and help with the rent! If you don’t leave now you will always be stuck there feeling guilty to take the step!
NTA, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to live on your own at this age.
If you dont move out now then you never will. You are almost 30. Did they really expect you to just live there forever until they die? NTA
I think so..
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NAH.
Natural for you to want to spread your wings and take your next steps as an adult.
Reasonable for them to be worried as they will have to recalibrate if things are tight, but it sounds like they are supportive and encouraging. They will figure it out and be okay – you can always help them out indirectly if you are able to do so and it would help you feel better about things (I do this with my family sometimes e.g. “oops I cooked way too much silly me, take these extra dinners” kind of thing).
I want to note that if you have cosigned for the place (as you mention), you are legally responsible for the rent. If you move out, you need to make sure they move somewhere else too, or at least a sign new lease that you are not on. Otherwise you have to keep paying rent for their place.
You aren’t wrong for moving out, and it is on your parents to get your brother to contribute, but I don’t blame you for feeling guilty.