My sister is planning her joint bachelor / bachelorette party for about 14 people. The girl group is a mix of different friend groups and the girls do not know the guys. She wants to have the event to be 4 days and 3 nights. I think she is being unreasonable to ask the group for that much time / money to be spent on this party. They are having a more intimate wedding so all these friends will not be there. My baby will be close to one by the time this party happens so maybe my mindset has shifted hung up on that being too much time spent from my baby? I explained the issue if multiple girls can’t attend one night and the other girls are now stuck with the total cost. I explained how she needs to figure out where people are comfortable price wise before committing to that length of time. Due to the location and size of a rental, it won’t be cheap plus excursion, etc
Edits:
bachelorette is a destination location, no issues on location just the time duration before asking for feedback from the group what they have available or are comfortable financially and socially. As her sister i am the MOH so i am going to feel guilty not being there the entirety but i also dont want to be due to my own family.
Intimate wedding – immediate family (20 people)
Their reasoning for the four days is because they can’t have a wedding (cost) to celebrate with all of their friends so the party is their chance.
NTA Completely unreasonable to have a massive expensive party and the attendees are not even invited to the wedding? Absolutely not.
Agreed. This is so rude to ask of people.
NTA. Attend for what you are able to attend for and enjoy celebrating her for what you can. Joint bachelor/ette parties can be really fun though
NTA at all. Four days for a joint trip with a bunch of people who don’t know each other, plus expensive lodging and excursions, is a big ask, especially when half of them are not even invited to the wedding.
You’re right to bring up budget and time commitments now instead of letting people silently stress or back out later. She can still have her dream trip, but she should be prepared that some folks, especially parents of young kids, just are not going to make that work.
NTA. It’s ludicrous what counts as a bachelorette party. It’s just too much time and money for something that doesn’t need to be that elaborate.
If you don’t want to go for that long it’s okay, but as long as you trust your spouse and if they have help if they’ll need it but your baby isn’t going to remember when they’re older that you spent 4 days away. There’s parents who have to travel for work gone longer.
NTA. I’m sorry but your sister’s expectations are selfish and insane. FOUR DAYS?!!! And asking for all that money from people not even invited?! Wow.
There seems to be a correlation of people having smaller weddings (i.e. saving the amount of money *they* will be out to host people) and those same people asking uninvited people to attend lavish and expensive bachelorette events (where those same uninvited people will be asked to foot the bill). It’s all so incredibly rude and tacky.
NTA – Both bachelor and bachelorette parties are traditionally one-night affairs. Tell them you’re happy to join them for a night on the town, but an extended trip is out of the question.
And what do you mean about the “intimate wedding” and that the friends “won’t be there”? Did your sister have friends that she didn’t invite to the wedding but she still expects them to pitch in and pay for her trip?
That’s kind of an AH move, if so.
NTA. 4 days?? And half the people you don’t know, and the other half are a mix of different friend groups? How special does your sister think she is? Hard pass here.
NTA I think we need to ban weekend+ long bachelor/ette parties. Go back to on day/evening. No one wants to spend their limited vacation days/money on someone else’s trip
I really think these things have gotten so over the top and selfish and demanding.
The bride should actually host the bachelorette instead of the other way around. That’s the only way they might become reasonable.
NTA
Im sorry, what? A bunch of them arent even invited but are expected to fork out a ton of cash for this wedding related trip? You need to do what’s best for you and your family. Besides, 14 people going on a 3 day trip who dont even know each other sounds chaotic as hell.
How did she take your critique? If shes open to it, tell her she’s about to make herself look like such an ass for this. If she’s been hostile, just dont go and let her deal with the social fallout
NTA
Asking people to shell out for a 4 day ~bachelorette/bachelor~ party when you’re not even inviting them to the wedding is not gonna go the way she thinks.
She’s setting herself up for disappointment and an expensive lesson, and it’s possibly gonna cost her a few friends.