AITA
First time poster here, sorry if format is bad.
My stepdaughter (15) has this friend she talks to, and he is constantly saying things like fuck shit bitch damn, you get it. I complain every time and she just responds with “I’ll call you later bro”. To my knowledge my wife had told her to start keeping his calls in her room if he is going to continue like that. So like a teenager she brings a call with him to the kitchen where I am making a pizza and she’s talking to him. She says “say hey to your uncle” and points the camera at my 10 month old daughter. Hey replies with “what’s up bitch” I say “he doesn’t need to talk like that” and she said “ bro you need to watch your mouth” and I am as angry as I have ever been. He replies with sorry muscle memory, I reply with “what the fuck kind of muscle memory is that?” I know it is detrimental to my argument of not cursing around the children but I have been blindsided by this. I ask the stepdaughter how many slices of pizza she wants she tells me three. I get her slices on a plate and set them on the counter. Grab the rest and go to the living room and wait for mom to come out of the bathroom. She comes out and I tell her what happens. She immediately goes to the stepdaughters room (her daughter) and starts yelling at her. They are from Mexico so it’s all in Spanish, so I have no idea what’s being said. A while later she comes out to talk to me. She asks why I’m angry and I tell her that I don’t like what he said and he talks that way all the time. The daughter didn’t seem to be angry or upset with her friend and reacted the same way she does every time I say something. She starts arguing with me about how she could not have known he would do that and I have no reason to be upset with her. Said she has no fault in the situation. I disagree and argue that she is responsible for whatever or whoever she shows to the baby. Obviously she disagrees and this goes into a long argument on my character full of accusations of things I’ve done years in the past completely bypassing what we are actually talking about. That’s a story for another day though. AITA?
TLDR daughter brought phone call from friend that she was told to talk to in her room to common area, friend called baby a bitch, I got upset but waited to tell her mother, mother got upset yelled at daughter, daughter said it wasn’t her fault and I shouldn’t be mad at her, wife yelled at me.
YTA, your wife is right that she couldn’t have anticipated that. And she did the right thing by being a united front towards your stepdaughter. I think you should cut her more slack.
What about the conversation they had about keeping conversations with him in her room?
I think that should be the rule from now on and have it be strict. I totally get why you want to not have swearing around. I think its a reasonable thing to ask for too
The current rule her mother made is she can’t talk to that boy ever again
YTA
YTA you expect your stepdaughter to control what her friend is allowed to say?
I mean I expect her to listen to her mother when she says it your friend can’t control his language keep the call in your room. I think if there is a pattern of language like that maybe don’t let him talk to my baby
YTA. People swear. Your step daughter is not responsible for what her friends say. I guarantee your baby is more stressed out by your reaction than she is by words she literally does not understand. I don’t know why we act like swear words damage kids lol. She has zero frame of reference for what “shit” means. She knows it’s bad when her daddy loses his shit, though, and that’s gonna upset her. You are the one causing her stress.
Grow up.
What was the problem with my reaction? I waited for my wife told her my issue and she talked to the daughter. Am I not allowed to be upset over someone calling my child a bitch?
i don’t think your wrong here, she was told to keep her friends calls in her room because of his language. she didn’t listen, she disobeyed the rule that was set. If she can’t follow a simple rule maybe she doesn’t deserve her phone. she knows how he speaks and thinks it’s not in any way her fault? she is probably using the same language behind you and her mothers back.