My childhood best friend moved away about 5 years ago we haven’t seen each other in years in person but we still talked everyday and she had a good life she was married for years and has two kids she was a sahm. Her husband divorced her about a year and a half ago remarried in a couple months and got custody of the kids. (He makes good money his new wife works in cps) anyways she got a job then got fired she has applied everywhere and nobody will hire her there and she’s basically surviving off of this dangerous guy she met off tinder recently who kicked down her door. She wants to move in with me in Florida (she lives in a rural area in the desert) said she would get a job first but I have a husband now who hasn’t met her and a one year old I have to put first. My family has a routine my husband works 14 hour days climbing towers and I am a stay at home mom. I feel like her being here will stress them out and my husband said he thinks she’s made bad choices and that it’s her fault he doesn’t want to have to be responsible for anything to do with her he said and she will need to pay rent but won’t have it till she gets a job here. I have a dog who hates cats she has a cat. She doesn’t drive because of her anxiety so I don’t want to become a chauffeur and she told me she will not go to a DV shelter because she doesn’t want her daughters things to be stolen because they hold memories. She said she’s applied to over a 100 jobs. She’s upset with me now said her husband would be in the doghouse if he didn’t want me coming. But it’s me too and I feel so guilty I feel like an asshole for not moving her in because at the end of the day she is about to be homeless and maybe I’m being selfish ? AITA
People’s custody usually does not get taken away unless gross conduct even if the new wife does works for CPS. I would 100% not let her move in. I would help her out maybe by giving her a week in a super cheap motel while she finds a job, but that would the extent of it.
Yeah, the custody and firing aspects are suspect. But I don’t know the full story.
This! I did CPS work for years. If they were just fighting over custody because of a divorce, CPS wouldn’t get involved and the new wife working there would be irrelevant. There’s definitely more going on than what the friend is telling her.
NAH – to help you _can_ offer to hold onto some of her things that are precious to her that she is worried about losing in a shelter.
i know in the individualistic “you don’t owe anybody anything ever” therapyspeak society we now all live in, everybody’s gonna say she’s not “entitled” to your home but damn you’re gonna leave your homegirl out on the street? 😭😭
the mild inconveniences you mentioned with her living at your house until she gets back up on her feet measured against the danger, disease & starvation your supposed best friend would face as a homeless person makes you the YTA to me sorry 😭
But she’s not OP’s husband’s or baby’s “homegirl”, and their living situation is valid too. If OP lived alone it would be a different story, but being a stay at home mom to a baby when you barely see your husband is a difficult situation, and it’s okay if the extra stress is too much.
Seriously, our society has lost almost all sense of community. Idk how you can call someone your best friend and then leave them out on the street. At least put in strong effort to help out even if you can’t house her yourself!
NTA. I know this feels awful but you gotta look at this realistically.
She doesn’t drive. She doesn’t have a job. She has a cat that doesn’t mix with your dog. Your husband hasn’t even met her. And you have a one year old baby to think about.
You’re not being selfish you’re being a parent. moving someone into your home who has no income, no transportation, and a pattern of unstable situations is a huge risk to your family’s peace and safety.
And her comparing your situation to hers saying her husband would be “in the doghouse” is not fair. her marriage ended. she doesn’t get to tell you how yours should work. your husband has valid concerns and honestly so do you.
The fact that she won’t go to a DV shelter over her daughter’s things is understandable emotionally but she’s turning down actual resources while expecting you to become her shelter, her ride, and her financial support with no timeline on when that changes.
You can love someone and still say no. being a good friend doesn’t mean lighting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. help her look into other resources, shelters, job programs, anything. but moving her in is not the answer here.
You could offer to help her get a storage unit for her daughter’s belongings and help her make payments. That way they’re safe, she has peace of mind, and can still relocate to the DV shelter in her area to get back on her feet in a safe place. Best of luck to you both.
Please. Use paragraphs.
And punctuation.
I’m not sure this is a clear AITA question, but you know what? You don’t get to call her your best friend if you won’t help her in a crisis. It might not work for her to move in with your family, but you need to help her in some way.
YTA. And yes, I’ll get Reddit hate for this. But here’s the deal, she’s going to be homeless. Homeless. And you’re worried about your husband’s stress when his response to you was “she made bad choices”. Serious lack of any empathy for a fellow human. I hope you don’t make any bad choices.
I know it’s hard to have people in your house. I get it. But are you okay, deep inside yourself, with her being homeless and losing not only her cat but any chance she has with her kids? Not to mention her personal safety? Is there no way you can help her out? Maybe think through some options for her. If she can’t live with you, can you help her financially? Can you let her stay for a week? Can you assist her with finding someplace safe to live? Do you know anyone who could even rent her a cheap room? Are there safe places where she could check in for a bit? Can you travel to where she is for a few days and let her collect herself in a hotel room with you? Give her a minute or so of peace? A decent meal?
Be a friend. Don’t just say no. Think about ways you can help her. Homelessness isn’t a joke and it shouldn’t be dismissed outright as someone else’s problem. You’re being asked directly to help. You should help in some way.
I feel like there is a lot of missing information about how she wound up in this situation.
NTA. This woman may be a childhood friend but her life is spinning out of control. I strongly suspect addiction. This would explain how she didn’t get even shared custody better than the fact that her ex married someone at CPS. It would also go a long way toward explaining getting fired and being unable to find a new job, and her involvement with a violent criminal. Does she not drive due to anxiety, or because her license was taken away? How has she been getting around in a rural desert without driving?
Side-eye to her for moving away (probably FAR away, what’s the closest desert to Florida?) from her kid as well. This is probably traumatic for her, and her mom is basically abandoning her and focusing on what, keeping her old dolls? Sounds as if the court made the right decision re: custody.