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I F36 have been with M37 for 8 years. We recently had a baby who’s now 1yrs old. With the worry of childcare cost it was decided that I would be staying home. It has been a difficult transition with this being my first time with out having my own income. I personally cant stand to not be contributing financially even if my contribution is rising our child. I do All of child based tasks in the home. To give a background for my addiction I come from a family who can consume a 12 pack of cola mainly coke daily as a individually. Since we were small children we drank as much as we wanted. My parents are not very strict or caring and its taken a long time to correct myself to be a better parent. I personally havent given my daughter juice and will not let her drink soda till shes much older . To speed this up. Since moving in with my partner 7 years ago ive cut back on my drinking, and or consumed more while at work then home. When I became a homemaker he had concerns for my drinking. He told me I either go down to 2 sodas a day or he would no longer be buying soda. It was very difficult for me but I did go to drinking 2 sodas a day. Once in a while I would drink 3 or more but usually only if he has that amount for the day. Recently He’s becoming more upset with buying soda as he is the only one buying groceries. Now not only am I allowed 2 a day but we have to split a 12 pack. If i finished my 6 sodas which would only be 3 days and he is not finished his I would have no sodas to drink until hes done with his. We are okay financially and have other things to drink. Its made me bitter and want to go back to working so I dont have to rely on his decisions to drink a couple of sodas when I want to. Aita?
Edit: to add more information. I do have some health issues going on currently. If you check my past posts it should be there alongside a CT scan I recently got. I know soda can contribute to health issues but I dont think this was the soul cause. I do apologizes if I sound manipulative. I thought i was personally writing to much in the first place. The argument about soda started when we decided I should stay home. As for my partner feeling concerned for my health i think its more along the lines with he doesnt drink them every day rather then hes worried about my NEW health issuse. I’ve asked him why its a problem when I drink so many a day when its his days off he drink 3-4 in a night. Hes not happy about the price of it and how quickly it goes especially if he thinks hes not getting much. That being said. You guys have showen me 2 a day is a lot for normal standards. I do drink water, juice and tea. I’ve also told him about my post in hopes of 1)opening up a better dialog on our most silliest argument (honestly baffled we fight about this) and in hopes he would get a better understanding the way hes going about it is a tad mean. And 2) to see if my soda preference is really a me problem. I will in the future try to cut from to a day to 1 every few days and so on. Ill try to reach out to a few comments. Thank you.
This really controlling. It’s not really about soda-it’s about policing what you’re consuming and using you not working as an excuse to do it.
Yeah if it was a gentle discussion where he said “babe, I’m worried about how much soda you drink and I’m not really comfortable with daughter growing up thinking drinking a ton is normal. Can we talk about it?” it would be one thing. It would also be reasonable to say “can we agree on a budget for each of us for buying treats. Can we include my nice coffee (or whatever) and your soda in that?”
This is straight up controlling abusive behaviour. I think it is dangerous for you to be completely financially relying on someone who is acting this way. You need a job, daycare and a really good couples counselor.
NTA – this is called financial abuse
NTA, your partner seems weirdly controlling. You are an ADULT, whether you want to change your soda habit is NOT up to him. He’s holding finances over your head to control you, when those finances should be shared in the first place, since you take care of the child. Time to get a job and let him do the job to raise the child, unless partner can be reasoned with.
Diabetic here. Do you want diabetes? Because this is how you get it. Trust me! 😉
ESH – He’s being a controlling ass, you’re endangering your own health and admit to being “addicted” and want to continue that.
And just so you know, I absolutely 100% deplore people who say “oh this is bad for you” or try to curtail others behaviors around food. So for me of all people to be saying this? Seriously. Seriously. Stop with the soda.
Oh wow. I’m sorry but I would go back to work. Money might be tighter but at least you’d have equal say over what it’s spent on. This is so controlling. You’re raising a one year old baby and your little bit of joy/comfort is having your soda and he’s trying to take it from you. It’s really not about the soda.
NAH but seriously cut back on the soda. That’s way too much to be drinking as a daily habit.
So, two sodas a day us probably too many, but I’m sure he’s imperfect as well
The bigger issue is that you have no income and finances aren’t shared, and he’s using this scenario to control you
Go back to work. You lose a lot financially by being at home even if you only end up breaking even from a wage perspective (salary growth, retirement contributions, social security/pension credits, healthcare or other benefits)
If you’re not married this is an even bigger risk for you.
NTA
Agreed. Not only that but every year a woman is off work, it gets harder to get hired again so you’re also messing up potential future career. Let’s hope this is about the soda for him and not the start of a pattern of financial control/abuse. Otherwise, she will need work to fall back on.
The fact he didn’t try to put a stop to it during the pregnancy tells me this isn’t out of concern for his baby or for her health and is all about him having the power now they only have his income.
You have bigger problems than your soda. You should not be a SAHM for a boyfriend. You are putting yourself in an awful financial situation. He can leave and owe you nothing except child support after you put your career on hold. Go back to work until he puts a ring on it, and you agree to share finances 100%.
Very much this.
“It was decided I would be a SAHM.” By whom, OP? Do not let this man decide your life for you, especially as a gf. Relationships are partnerships, not dictatorships.
ESH – he is being controlling and financially abusive. You are refusing to understand the side effects of drinking a ton of soda on a regular basis. You even acknowledge you have an addiction and would hide how much you drink from him by going to work but don’t see an issue with the behavior or how bad it truly is for you. I generally would say eat and do what you want but you legitimately have an issue with this.
I’m going to give a soft YTA I’m a woman who is pretty quick to call out controlling issues, but groceries are super expensive. Even if your finances are good, this is just is a steep cost for benefit. Drink some water? I have this same discussion with my partner (he’s a man, I’m the woman). Due to cancer and some other issues he is currently not working. I don’t begrudge him it , but do say slow down on the “monsters”, which is his drink of choice. He can do 3 a day, which is like 10 bucks a day. I make good money, but come on. Unless I see controlling behaviors other ways, “cut back on the ridiculous soda costs”, does not seem out of line to me.
Editing my post.
You posted this on r/askdocs
36 Female chest pressure/pain trouble breathing my vitals are good O2 is normal. Self: history of a stroke at 8years old. Couple of c-sections last birth was dec 2024. Pcos and main doctor said i have hosimotos but diagnosed throughsymptoms?
Family history: thyroid cancer father and brother both lived.mother has hypo thyroid but hyper runs in her family. Grandfather died of pancreas cancer. Grandfather mother has heart troubles does have a pace maker. Deceased grandmother had COPD.
My chest pains have been going on 11 days now im not medical literate so I see Im not having a PE but can the other things cause this discomfort. Thank you.
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So yeah YTA you clearly are having health issues and he’s clearly worried. YalsoTA for purposefully not posting additional details which would have validated his worry but wouldn’t have gotten you the validation you need.