Got home from work today and told my bf I was gonna take a quick shower. As soon as I put shampoo in my hair he comes in and is like “I’m so sorry but you have to leave right now, I gotta GO”
I respond “Dude, no. I’ll just close the shower curtain and you can go”
To which he responds “Are you serious?!? You gotta get out!”
To which I’m like “dude are YOU seriously asking me to get out of the shower right now?”
Background: we’ve lived together for 2+ years, are pretty comf with each other but definitely not to the point of pooping in front of each other. He has IBS so when he’s gotta go he’s gotta go. We also live in a cold ass place that is heated with a wood stove and I hadn’t gotten the fire going yet so was just standing freezing and dripping and shampoo haired outside the bathroom waiting for him to shit. This is obviously not THAT big of a deal but like….am I crazy thinking that it’s a wild ask to make ur partner leave mid shower so you can take a dump?
The shampoo in your eyes makes it really inconvenient, however I would get out as quickly as possible. Obviously with IBS he is more self conscious….I have it and it can come with gas and cramping and stronger than normal smells and sounds. He has a good point to ask you to leave.
unironically, not being rude, genuine question: would you have preferred if he pooped in front of you? if the answer is yes, then i think you should try to have an open dialogue and tell him that you will not judge him or love him any less after listening to him poop, and see if he is open to this in the future. if the answer is no and you only have the one bathroom available, then i feel like you can’t be upset unless you can think of a plausible alternative solution? i TOTALLY understand why you were upset and frustrated at having your shower interrupted, but as a someone with bathroom urgency issues (endometrial colitis) i also understand that sometimes waiting is simply not an option at all, so i feel like an honest discussion coming from a loving place on how to handle this situation best in the future is the way to go here! hope this helps 🙂
eta: NAH! i don’t think either party is an AH, just need an open discussion!
NAH. IBS emergencies are real and when someone says they have to go, they usually mean right now. That said, asking someone to step out of the shower soaking wet in a freezing house is also pretty rough and understandably frustrating.
This sounds less like anyone being an AH and more like bad timing + no backup bathroom plan. Long-term, it might be worth figuring out a system for emergencies so no one ends up shampoo-covered and freezing again.
“Backup plan?” Like what, a litterbox? They only have one bathroom.
There are buckets with toilet lids and odor gel inserts that often get used in cabins when it’s too cold for the outhouse.
Ngl I wouldn’t want to be in the shower while someone was actively shitting in the same room, but maybe that’s me
Right? If my husband barged into the bathroom and said “sorry, you need to leave right now”, I’d leave immediately, no questions asked. I don’t want to be a party to whatever is that urgent 😂
this. op even said he has IBS. Bro is fighting demons in there
Sometimes when I shit I don’t even want to be in there
This exact scenario happened to me except my husband was like you can keep showering and I was like absolutely the fuck not.
This is so weird to me. I don’t share a bathroom while my husband shits if I can reasonably avoid it, but if I’ve just put in shampoo and he’s got to GO, then we’re just going to have to handle business at the same time. I’m not leaving the bathroom soapy and cold because he can’t poop with an audience. It’s just fucking bodily functions, I’m not that precious and neither is he. IBS wouldn’t change that. It’s not ideal, but he’d never ask me to be physically uncomfortable because he was emotionally uncomfortable.
Edit: to be clear, I’ll rush the shower. Skip shaving and other unnecessary steps. Shorten the post shower routine or fully push it back.
But I am not leaving that water till the shampoo is rinsed and conditioner is applied and rinsed. Period.
NAH
I’ve been married over 20 years and we still give each other privacy to poop. Multiple bathrooms do help.
IBS adds a whole level of complexity to this scenario. It’s urgent, and often very unpleasant both in sound/smell and he’s probably embarrassed enough by it as it is. This was a case of really bad timing. If it happens again, rinse out the shampoo and get out ASAP – although you’re majorly inconvenienced, he’s got an actual emergency.
Totally agree, I have IBS…when you have to go, you have to go, we get so little notice.
We own our house so we’re able to ensure we have 2 toilets so as not to have OP’s issue.
I would not be able to poop with an audience and yes, it’s unpleasant, smelly, loud, painful.
NAH, this is why two toilets are helpful. You were in the shower, so you were cold and wet and that sucks. But not wanting to poop in front of another person is deeply normal, so his alternatives were to humiliate himself by shitting his pants or humiliate himself by shitting in front of you. It sucks all around, but it doesn’t make anyone an asshole.