I (31F) work a very demanding and stressful job. My commute alone is 3hrs a day, and even when Im not at work I have to deal with emergencies all the time. My brother (21m) refuses to cook for himself.
For background, I do cook sometimes but most of the time we don’t like to eat the same meals and a lot of the time even when it is something he likes he’ll only eat it for 1 or 2 times. My guess is he doesn’t like to eat the same meal over and over again. But I only do meal prep because I simply don’t have the time or the energy to cook every single day.
We have a fully stocked kitchen, pantry and fridge/freezer with which you can make just about anything your little heart desires.
If he likes fresh meals and won’t eat leftovers then I think it’s time he learn to do it himself. Our mother lives in a different country and enables this behavior. She said he won’t do it and I should buy those frozen prepared meals for him, but that’d be about 5k a year.
I said this to him and he all but said he’d rather starve.
EDIT: Okay so let’s clarify a few things!
We live together and also with a roommate. We live in MA and if you don’t have roommates you’ll end up homeless.
All of us are on the spectrum and have our own levels of difficulty but we’re all functional human beings. He does work a full time job as well.
There is a slight cultural aspect to this as we are Latinos. But in all honesty it’s mostly that my parents always coddled him as a child because of his autism diagnosis. We only ever found out about mine when I turned 28. You could say I was the glass child.
The meal delivery service: it’s not that I would be paying, I meant that I’d offer that as a solution for him since he wasn’t receptive to the idea of cooking for himself.
We’ve had problems with food before. I’ll make meal prep for the week and he wouldn’t even touch it. And then he’ll randomly eat all my snacks. Or he’ll open the cereal that I bought for the week and eat it in a sitting. It seems to me that he might have a bit of an eating disorder as he has a serious problem with portion control.
We have a pretty good relationship otherwise, but this has honestly put a strain on me because there are times where I don’t even feel like cooking for myself.
He will eventually cook.
NTA He’s an adult.
NTA. It’s time for your brother to fend for himself.
NTA. He is an adult should be able to figure out how to feed himself.
I guarantee he won’t starve.
Then let him starve. He’ll learn how to cook.
NTA
NTA Let him starve.
NTA. Cook what you want for yourself. I suggest you get a small LOCKING fridge, or a lockbox to put in the family fridge, for your prepared meals.
He can prep his own food or buy his own prepared meals. Or mom can buy it for him. After your horribly long stressful days, you are not his personal chef.
Let him see how much fun starving is. Perhaps he’ll decide to cook after all.
**You** are enabling this behaviour by cooking for him. Don’t shift the blame onto your mother. Change your behaviour if you want him to change his.
ESH.
NTA
“he all but said he’d rather starve” .. he is an adult, why is this YOUR problem. YOu are not his mom. He will eat when he is hungry enough.
“nd I should buy those frozen prepared meals for him, but that’d be about 5k a year.” … YOu are just enabling him. Tell your mom: If she wants him to have that, she needs to send the money.
Have you considered living without your brother? LEt him fend on his own, or let mom do it?
>I said this to him and he all but said he’d rather starve.
Let him. He is an adult. He can do as he wishes. Stop letting this be your problem.
NTA
Let him starve. He won’t of course, but quit being his servant.
NTA, let him starve. He’ll learn quick.
(I am assuming of course that he does not have a disabilty preventing him from cooking).
Then let him starve.
NTA, call his bluff