My 15yo brother asked to borrow my favourite pair of jeans a few weeks ago and I was like yeah go for it! (I’m 20) And after a couple weeks I noticed he had been wearing them quite frequently. He knew before he borrowed them there was a couple little holes in there. When I came back home from uni a couple weeks later I see him going to put them on and I was like no please don’t as I want to wear them the next day, he didn’t listen to a thing I said, or when I asked my mother she didn’t do anything to parent her son either. I kick off at both my mother and brother like well I want a new pair then because u can’t just claim my favourite jeans and not listen to me the time I want them back
2 days later I go to put them on, and there’s massive holes in the bum, in the same places but 4x the size, I now cannot wear them as you will see my whole bum. I am asking him to pay for a new pair for me but he’s saying no as I can’t prove it was him that did that. He is even saying that I put the hole in there myself on purpose. Even though he’s the only one who’s had them as I couldn’t even get them back when I asked.
Am I right to make either my brother or my mum pay if she doesn’t make him?
nta but it really sounds like you’re going to waste a lot of energy trying to get them to pay you back and they will dig in and drag their heels, I think I’d probably just write it off and take it as a relatively cheap lesson to never lend either of them anything again.
And keep stuff locked up or with you at Uni. He’s experienced no consequences so will only get bolder.
Is this related to poverty or lack of money to buy his own clothing? It may be time to check with mom. Not that you are responsible me for him, but maybe you could convince her to let him stray looking for work.
You may not be an AH but you’re not very smart.
If you couldn’t get your jeans back just to wear them one night and your mom to help you out, how on earth do you imagine you’ll be able to get either of them to give you money?
You have learned a lesson. Don’t let your brother borrow your things.
Really anyone, because damage is always a possibility. Unless you know they are the type of person that will pay for it to be fixed or replaced.
I mean no anyone would want someone to pay if this happened lol. But he is 15 and sounds like mom needs to get it together more. From now on I’d just never let him borrow anything until he reaches a point of maturity and accountability
ESH to some extent. He obviously is a disrespectful brat, but I don’t understand why you let him borrow your “favorite” jeans to take away to college.
Either way, he’s not paying you.
Hard to say if he made the holes worse in any event take them back. If he wants to wear charm and his, he can pay you something towards the cost.
NTA. I don’t think they will pay though. Tell your brother as the borrower, it is his responsibility to ensure he returns the item in the same condition he borrowed it in. He has just showed you that you cannot trust him in this and he really ought to replace it. Either way, you now know what he’s like when borrowing things and will be a consideration for future scenarios.
Are the jeans less than a year old? Some places will give you a refund if you have a receipt. I bought my son some nice Levis for Christmas in 2024 and he got a hole n the bum. I looked it up and I could have gotten a refund if I’d had a receipt. Don’t know what he’s doing to get so many holes there, because he’s had 2 other pairs of a different brand do the same thing, but I kept the receipt after I found out about the refund
NTA, but remember this the next time he wants to borrow something.
NTA. Someone should pay you back. And don’t loan the weasel anything in the future!
Let him keep them, then, on his birthday, buy yourself a new pair, wrap them, and give them to yourself in front of him, while giving him nothing.
NTA, but Not Worth The Energy (NWTE) either, there are a heap of lessons and information in this to be learned by everyone.
Information: Your brother is 15 and your mother isn’t parenting him in the same ways as you. This often happens with siblings but the closer in age the less obvious it is, you got a lot more attention and a lot more focus and she has put less focus and attention on correcting him, or has given up on trying, I can’t say and you probably shouldn’t. This probably means your brother is going to have a reconning moment in his future.
Information / lesson at: Your brother doesn’t understand yet the value of things and the cost / effort to obtaining them. This is partly a function of upbringing and of his age, until he has to start paying for things or there is a scarcity of things there isn’t much you can do to correct this. If you are going to allow him to borrow things take something as collateral when it is important and put it somewhere he can’t get to it, preferably something you desire or can legit sell.
Lesson: Do not expect that your mum will protect anything of yours in the home, she likely doesn’t think of stuff as really your or his, it is all stuff that came from her efforts and wealth so it is shared. This is a hard thing when people are between 14 -24 and live at home because to some extent it is true and as you gain independence it also means you are less likely to be around to “protect” what you think of as “yours”.
Information: Your brother has learned that the consequences of him acting out are not going to come from your mother.