Im M27 artist and have this friend of mine ( let’s name him Jack M29) who’s a really good dude with a big heart and a lot of passion for coding and software dev!he is a late starter and before learning a good chunk of coding, he was mostly making content for tech news websites to make a living but it wasnt his main passion in life! We are friends for almost 5 years now and what brought me here , is the fact that for the past 2 years, I repeatedly told him to take a leap and go for an internship for 3 months or a junior dev job for a while even if it is low paying(considering I have a bit of experiences working with couple of tech/game studios and know how they are with recruitment,specially studios in my country)…
He doesn’t listen and tbh seems a bit lazy and scared to me when it comes to Taking that leap and working his ass off!he mostly complains about how these studios ask for a million requirements and then treat u like a super junior lvl dev!(He is right but well…it is what it is untill u are not junior anymore!) So i stopped repeating and slowly(unintentionally) began to agree with him which was mostly out of being done with him complaining in response to my insisted…
I met him yesterday and we went for a beach side walk and he told me how nowadays whenever he tries to learn something new or start a dev personal project,a voice in his head says "man fuck this shit i dont care anymore",then proceeds to keep writing content for the tech websites and ignore coding…
Since that moment, i feel awful
I feel like I wasnt a good friend and didnt push him to do whats right🥲
I cant even focus on my own work since yesterday
I know that he should have toughened up and went for a job and let go of this perfectionist mindset but on the other hand maybe I could changed this🥲maybe i didn’t what friends are supposed to do…idk
U tell me…am I the asshole?
You’ve given him advice already. Now you’re just being there for him as a friend. If he comes back to you asking for advice, I’d repeat what you said before. And if not, just be there for him as a friend. He’s an adult, he doesn’t need you instructing him how to live and it would probably hurt your friendship if you tried.
I exactly didn’t repeat too many times because i was afraid of hurting the friendship!
tnx mate…this helped me remind myself 🤟💙
IMO you did the right thing by stopping. A family member I care about deeply was convinced that I also needed to “take a leap” into something and kept telling me to quit my very nice job so I could do it. This went on for years, I had to eventually sit them down and ask them to never bring it up again because even though I love them and know they just want what’s best for me, in the end they weren’t the ones who would have to take such a big risk and it was getting frustrating. As convinced and gung-ho they were about how “you can do it, I believe in you!” the truth was that the chances of me making it were pretty small, and definitely not worth risking homelessness. To their credit they haven’t brought it up since then, which has improved our relationship. NAH
Love to here that! Tnx for ur words🤟made me feel better
You can’t live someone else’s life for them, sometimes support means stepping back and letting them figure out when they’re ready. You cared enough to try, that already makes you a good friend
Heartwarming tnx🤟💙
NTA. You can’t make people listen, follow your advice or help them further when they don’t. Natural consequences need to occur for people to learn. ✌🏼
True! Tnx for ur words🤟
NTA
It’s not up to you to make your friend’s dreams come true, it’s up to *him*, and he is choosing not to. If you want things to change you need to take action, and he is not prepared to do that. If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got. That’s his choice. Maybe he’s lazy or maybe he’s scared, but the result is the same and only he can change it. Who knows where he’d be now if he’d taken your advice. But he didn’t, and you can’t make him. Even the best of friends can only do so much. You have nothing to feel guilty about. *He* has chosen his path.
What a great comment! truly loved ur words mate💙💙💙
NTA
You’ve given him..an adult…a lot of great advice and insight. He …and adult…chose not to take the advice. You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink.
He is on his own journey and this could be a pattern of just not wanting to try too hard, or being unconfident in himself that he would fail. None of this is on you, focus on your work and let his career go where it will go.
Great words mate!thank u🤟💙