I (F) have been friends with my friend (M) for a while now, and we used to have a really good friendship. He used to be really kind and supportive, and I felt like I could talk to him about things without feeling judged. Lately, though, things have changed a lot. He’s been super meaner and more dismissive toward me, and it feels like no matter what I say, I’m somehow the problem or in the wrong. Even if I try to vent or talk about how I’m feeling, he’ll respond with things like "it’s not that deep" or act like I’m being overdramatic. But the Issue is that for me it is *deep*. I’m not the type to be overdramatic or dramatic; I just want to feel heard. but everytime i try to express that he hurts my feelings, he makes it seem like I’m being annoying or too emotional. I’ll admit I’ve made casual jokes here and there, like friends usually do, but nothing I consider cruel or personal. I’ve never tried to insult him in any way or form. But now it feels like I have to walk on eggshells around him because if I say the wrong thing or express my feelings, he acts like I’m doing too much. But recently, I have told him about how what he says hurts my feelings, and he completely brushed aside my feelings once more. Now I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m the problem, or maybe I really am being too sensitive, but at the same time, I don’t think a real friend should make you feel like that, just my opinion, but I don’t feel like dropping him as a friend. I just want really decent advice.
So AITA for being upset and wanting my friend to take my feelings seriously.
I mean, I get if he’s offended at something you said or did, but if you’re trying to figure out what it is so that you can take accountability, and he just refuses to and continues to punish you for what he refuses to tell you that you did, there’s not really much for you to do. Nobody needs that. NTA.
Thank you for understanding, and don’t worry i have apologized and taken full accountability for my actions. so thank you once again.
You talk a lot about how you talk about feelings, vent, and he is kind and supportive.
Do you support him as much as he supports you? Which one of you talks more about big feelings and emotions?
What I’m getting at is, is it getting too much? Like, do you have a lot of big emotions, and deep feelings that you share very often? That can be a lot. Especially when you’re young…(and it sounds like you are) you (and especially guys) want to be having fun, keeping things light in general…are you getting to be a drag?
You also throw in how you make casual jokes that you don’t think are cruel or personal…does he tell you he doesn’t like your jokes? Like, where did that comment come from?
How about just chill a bit, have some fun together, try to reset things a bit to what made you friends in the first place. Tune into what it feels like HE needs from the relationship and try to be that person some of the time.
It certainly sounds like you’re NTA just because he is being unnecessarily rude
But do you do a lot of drama dumping/complaining? Because it can be exhausting to listen to a a lot of negativity, especially when it’s small stuff.