I’m 30 M dating a 34 F and things are getting extremely serious to the point that I’m currently working on getting a job in the town she lives in and slowly moving in to her house. recently she asked how I felt about her being friends with her exes ( hanging out). I was blunt and said I didn’t like it but it’s her choice. she didn’t seem to like my answer and got quiet. AITA for feeling that it’s disrespectful and should I have approached it differently?
I’m going NTA. She asked, you answered. Can’t be mad for you being honest.
NAH However if she wants to remain friends with her ex’s (plenty of people can remain friends with their ex’s with no issues) this is a compatibility issue.
Well I kept certain things out of the post as not to spread anything hateful but she was temporarily “weak” when an ex FWB contacted her. ( No sex or in person meeting but flirting) Which she did openly admit too
Well then that’s a problem. On one hand she admitted it, on the other you can’t have “weak” moments when you remain friends with ex’s or fwb’s.
Like I said though, this is something you will have to really think on and decide, as it may be a compatibility issue. I’m friends with multiple of my ex’s as is my husband and for us, it works. I also understand if some people aren’t able to do it themselves.
lol and you are MOVING your life to be with this person?
Dude come on, she wasn’t “weak” that’s who she is.
NAH but please realise that “I \[don’t\] like it but it’s her choice” is a recipe for endless conflict when it comes to something important to you. Is this something you really can agree to disagree on? If not, don’t kick that can down the road.
More conversations need to be had. Hard ones, and ones that’ll take time to process.
I’ll say ESH, but only because you both are equally N T A… it’s just a part of life the two of you have to discuss and figure out. It works for some. It doesn’t for others. Trust and conversation goes a long way.
Perspective and understanding is key.
NAH… yet. She asked you a question, you gave an honest answer which acknowledged her agency as a person, even though it was not the answer she was looking for, and this has opened the door to a tough conversation that maybe she wasn’t actually ready to have yet.
You have each learned that the other has a different perspective on something that has a lot of implications, and the thing to do next is to talk about your perspectives and see where each other are coming from.
Good prep for this is to think about why you feel this way. Do you think lovers to friends is simply an impossible situation, and attraction never goes away? Do you feel uncomfortable that you would have to be social with someone else who has known her as intimately as you have? Is it just a cliché you heard repeated so many times and never given it much further thought?
It’s insecure and controlling to think it’s disrespectful but credit’s due to you for telling the truth. Better the 34 year old “girl” find out now before you move into her house.
Wild to see all the NTAs here. Like, by 34 if you can’t have an amicable break up and remain civil it’s really telling.
NAH I guess? Like, maybe you’re just at different maturity levels and it’s probably important to revisit if living together full time is the right choice.
Remaining civil and being friends are two wildly different things.
I’m civil with lots of people I don’t feel the need to hang out with.
Nah. My ex is my best friend and we are both happily partnered up with people who understand and appreciate our friendship. But I definitely broke up with people in the past who had a problem with it without understanding or asking questions.
Dude, she admitted to flirting with an ex FWB. She gets defensive when you talk to her about it. Why in the world would you want to progress this relationship and move to her? She obviously loves the attention. The exes will try to hit her up to see if she’ll weaken again. Man if you continue with her good luck. We all warned ya.