(late 20s F) have been seeing my boyfriend (early 30s M) for about 6–7 months. He’s kind, stable, and overall a good partner. I’m a teacher and have early mornings, so my weekdays are pretty structured and tiring.
Because I still live at home, I’m usually the one who drives to his place (about an hour each way) to spend time together. On weeknights it’s almost always the same routine: I get there around 6:45/7pm, we eat dinner, clean up, hang out, and then go to bed so I can wake up early for work and drive home. It’s comfortable and fine, but it’s also starting to feel repetitive and like a lot of effort on my end for something that doesn’t feel very intentional or balanced during the work week.
Our time together also depends on his custody schedule with his son. Most weeks I see him once during the week, and then if he doesn’t have his son that weekend I’ll see him once on the weekend too. So typically it’s once or twice a week total. In the 6–7 months we’ve been together, we’ve only spent three consecutive days together one time when we went away. Otherwise it’s shorter visits built around his schedule.
He’s appreciative when I come over, but he doesn’t really offer alternatives or come to me much (which I understand because I live at home). Realistically, if I don’t make the drive, we usually don’t see each other during the week at all. That’s part of why I feel conflicted — I know he cares about me, and he’s told me this is the first time since his divorce five years ago that he’s had real, genuine feelings for someone rather than something casual. His divorce was very hard on him, so I try to be mindful of moving at a pace that feels safe for him.
Recently, when I didn’t come over one night because I was on my period and not feeling up for the drive, he jokingly asked if it was because we couldn’t have sex. I laughed and he joked that I was “using him for his package.” I know he meant it playfully, but it made me pause and wonder if he assumes that’s the main reason I come over, when really I’m just tired and feeling a bit burnt out from the routine and the drive.
There’s no big fight or incident and he hasn’t done anything objectively wrong. I just feel like I’m the one putting in most of the logistical effort during the week, and I’m starting to not want to keep making that drive for the same routine every time. At the same time, if I don’t go, we won’t see each other, and I don’t want to unintentionally pull away from something good just because I’m feeling worn down.
AITA for not wanting to keep driving there on weeknights and wanting a little more balance or variety? Or am I overthinking something that’s normal in a relationship at this stage?