Context: My husband and I have been married for a year and together for 4 years. We recently had a baby a few months ago so we have been going through the struggles and challenges that come along with that but overall it has been the greatest experience of my life. I love watching him be a dad to our baby and I couldn’t be happier.
With that said, the holidays are here and I have almost never been one to ask for lavish and expensive gifts. If I have asked for something expensive in the past, I made sure to ask in advance so he could have enough time to save for it. This year was much the same, he asked me what I wanted and I list the usual small things, jewelry, candles, blankets, etc, which kind of irk him because he believes I deserve more. I appreciate him wanting to get me nice things but I truly do not have anything that I could want for at the moment. Today he called me and said that he was giving me a Christmas present early, because he has nowhere to hide it and doesn’t want anything to happen to it because it’s fragile. I was excited! He came home and revealed he had sold something of his to buy me a Switch 2 for Christmas.
While both of us do enjoy playing videos games and have a discord server with our friends who play regularly, since having my baby, I have taken a major step back from gaming. I still manage to get on our discord and chat with our friends and occasionally play Mario kart with my husband on a rare night at midnight after the baby has gone to bed but I have not been able to/ truly wanted to play anything in over 4 months. My husband however manages to play every now and then and still enjoys gaming.
I do truly appreciate the money he has put into this and him having to sell something in order to get this for me, but this is not something I asked for or want. Plus it was a lot of money. I feel it is wasted on me and that he got this more for himself. (He has admitted it is for both of us to enjoy but that it is mine to play in and do whatever I want with). He could tell by the look on my face that I was less than excited about the Switch 2 and defeatedly said that he would return it after the holidays, which just makes me feel even worse. I could tell he was excited to give it to me and I feel bad for not being more happy about this gift.
Do I let him return it? Please tell me if I should apologize and just be appreciative of him getting me this.
INFO: Is this really a gift for you, or do you think it could be for him?
NTA but I do wonder if he noticed you not gaming as much since the baby has arrived, and thought the switch might let you get back into gaming while feeding baby etc? So maybe it was indeed a present for you, but it just happens not to align with your current interests
I admire the woman that can either play with no hands or feed baby with no hands. Those skills are not in my repertoire.
Fair point, it still wasn’t the most logical gift, just a thought
Tbh he probably misses gaming with you. Seems like a special pastime that you guys use to do together.
Maybe we wants to inspire a reconnection by getting you a new game.
My husband did this for my birthday. I’ve also chilled out on gaming a lot and wasn’t sure I was willing to spend $80 for games for the switch 2. I told him this and said how much I appreciated him, but that it wasn’t right for me right now.
We agreed to return it, get me a gift for a fraction of the cost (earrings with his birthstone) and that if later I regret it, we could always re buy it.
He seemed a little bummed at first but completely understood.
NAH. He tried to make a big gesture based on a shared interest. You don’t inherenly dislike the gift, it’s just not in sync with where you are right now. You’re both adapting to a new situation. The proper thing to do is tell him how much it means that he values you and wanted to do something really nice, and that this just isn’t the time, and it’s no one’s fault, you’re figuring out young parenthood.
I think the key part is that he admitted it’s for both of you to enjoy. While I don’t think there’s something inherently wrong or suspect with a gift that can be enjoyed by more than just the recipient, the facts are that he is still keeping up with gaming, even sold something to get it, and said there was no place to put it/its fragile so it has to be given now.
He didn’t take your current activities into consideration, didn’t listen to the words you expressed, and seemingly doesn’t respect what you are interested in.
None of that reads as it truly being a gift for you. I can’t even find any nice words to address the “fragile” comment in particular, that reasoning is patently ridiculous.
NTA.
This ^^ if it was truly for OP he would have wrapped it up for Christmas. He’s excited to buy the toy he bought himself and check off his Christmas shopping by saying it’s for her. NTA
NAH. This was a lovely gesture on his part and it’s still OK for you to realize that you would not be enjoying it as much as you used to. I hope you make an effort to game with him. It sounds like that something he misses with you. As newer parents it’s still important for you to prioritize your relationship. Maybe you said one date per month for gaming?
I think many others are correct. See if he just misses gaming with you. See if there is a way to give him that time back at least a little bit so he doesn’t feel like you’re moving away from the relationship? You’re NTA. But I think some things may be being missed. Just talk to him. Ask him why he thought that would be the best gift.
NAH. I totally understand your frustration and disappointment but I don’t think he did it maliciously. I have an inkling that the gift was more of an excuse to spend more time together. Maybe he thinks that by getting it, you two will be able to play and have fun together with just the two of you.
He totally bought that for himself. The Switch2 comes in a small box, around 10” square. It is not so large or fragile that he couldn’t have wrapped it and put in under the tree like any other gift. Yet he forced you to open it early— why? Because *he* is excited to use it. You haven’t played in months. NTA.
Or he was so excited to give it to her and couldn’t wait. I remember when I bought my husband a Sega Dreamcast and I was just too damn excited to see him open it that I couldn’t wait. In my case though he was super happy with it.