Throughout the holidays i was drowning, drowning, drowning. To add to the fun of grief i’m also experiencing a health scare at the same time. she said her distance during that time was to give me space (lol). Then the new year came and it was crickets… then she had an incident. Her dog bit her face, thankfully shes okay, and its just a few small marks, no stitches were needed. At that point i was feeling a deep f\*k you towards her but i atleast DM her to make sure she was okay. But, i didnt show up more she said by calling her, or texting her after that. she basically told me she was ready to ghost me after that & that her and her wife had a conversation, and "just because im going through it because my mom DIEDD doesnt mean its okay for me to act like this/be a bad friend". lol.
Grief is hard and people who haven’t experienced it don’t understand or know what to say
I suggest you don’t torch your friendships while in the throes of grief related anger
I suggest you look for a grief support group or therapy
My grief therapist says that her being there for me through my grief isn’t her strength as a friend, and that i need to shift my energy to others who can support me through it. But it’s hard when I consider this person my sister, so it just feels weird and wrong.
I had a falling out with a long term friend when my mom died, and lost most friends when my partner died because most people cannot handle someone in active grief
I wish I’d been aware of it at the time
That’s true… Ive now learned that when death happens, it really doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, or how close you can be with a friend or a family member. Grief is a plague that no one wants to be around…
im sorry about your loved ones, and I hope that your days feel a bit lighter 🫂
The only people who were properly supportive when my dad died were my friends who had already lost a parent.
She is self-centered, and is not a friend. She is an acquaintance you’ve outgrown
NTA, but I think it’s time to let this relationship go and focus on the people who actually support you.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
NTA, this would be the last thing i’d want to deal with if i was in your shoes. sending u so much love and light, may your mother rest in peace 🩷
She’s using DARVO on you. She knows what she did wrong so now she is turning it around to accuse you of being the guilty party to assuage her own feelings of inadequacy. It’s a dirty trick and I would keep an arms length with such a person. NTA
NTA.
OP, I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to your momma and then navigate the holidays without the support you needed. You will always have a tender spot for your momma in your heart, but I wish you healing that will come in due time and that you will be comforted by many warm memories.
NTA. She’s not your friend.
NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss and that this “friend” is acting like this. You deserve better.
NTA – I’m so sorry for your loss. It is times like these you find out who is REALLY your friend. It is one thing to not know how to support somebody through grief, it’s another to do what your friend did. I also lost a friend i considered a “sister” (30 years of friendship!!!!) 5 years ago because when I was going through a *very* hard time my “bffl” sent me an EMAIL telling me I COMPLAIN TOO MUCH and she would no longer listen to me any more. (I had found out that my mom may have congestive heart failure and my child may have leukemia, within a couple weeks of eachother on top of a lot of other stuff). It is another type of grief to lose a friend like that, both because of the betrayal but also because of the loss. And I’m so sorry that you’re going through that now too. I just lost my mom last month and every day is a new wave of grief. It doesn’t just magically lift after days or weeks. It changes and warps and envelops and moves and impacts everything.
Try to focus on those who can support you. ❤️❤️❤️