I’ve been living in my apartment for 8 years now. My boyfriend and I have a new relationship of 4 months. Things are going great! He’s spending a lot of time at my place now and our sex life is rich and entertaining.
Now, my direct neighbor (the one that has their wall directly adjacent to my apartment) has not said anything about the supposed „extremely loud sexual noises“, but the young couple (a little younger than us, in their late 20s) living in the apartment on the opposite side of ours on the same floor quietlyleft us a note on our doorstep.
In the note, they were referring to the loud noises, and how they haven’t taken action against us via our landlord yet, but that if we weren’t going to quiet down to a volume that wouldn’t be audible outside of the apartment, they’d start calling the police and write us up each time it happened during the times apartment complexes in my country are supposed to be kept quiet (which is from 7 pm till 7 am in most cases) so they could then pressure our landlord to basically cancel our lease and throw us out.
After we read the note, we were a bit embarrassed, but also found it amusing how they heard us from across the stairs, but apparently our direct neighbor doesn’t seem to mind the noises. The way they phrased everything also sounded very formal. It was all very high-and-mighty, but they also appealed to our sense of decency and respect, and I was like „alright, that part is reasonable“, so I left them an apology note saying we will tone it down.
Since then, we’ve quieted down a LOT, we check each other during sex and put either our hands over each others mouths or shush each other. One time I even smothered him with a pillow, lol.
I thought we were doing right by them, since there was no way of them hearing us through two apartment walls UNLESS they literally put their ears to our front door and listen for us to moan, which – whatever floats your boat, I guess? However, there has been a complaint by them to our landlord, and we got an angry letter from their office basically telling us this was our last notice, we either stop the „extremely loud sexual noises“, or we’re getting kicked out.
I really feel like we’ve been extremely quiet since the note from the neighbors – maybe there were some lapses in volume before we muffled each other, but even so – still long/loud enough to warrant a noise complaint and direct action with the landlord??
Idk, are we the AHs? Also, wtf do we do if we want to have sex? Book a hotel room?! I am so confused on what to do.
EDIT: Since a lot of commentors here simply accuse me of "howling like a cat" or "screeching like a banshee" for hours on end, I will try to clarify without going into too much unwanted detail. Yes, in the four months of our new relationship, we have had loud sex, yes, we probably were loud even outside the "big finish". We were however not howling, screeching or yelling, nor do we have a squeaky bedframe, which would make some of this vitriol understandable. We were mostly quiet up until the end. Which is a normal thing, if I’m not fully insane now. (Women of reddit, correct me if all of you all finish with a grunt or two?!)
Then we got the complaint note on our door and reduced whatever noise there was by probably 80 to 90 percent!! Since then we’ve even been extremely careful to raise our voices or talk between two rooms too much. We STILL got reported to the landlord by those neighbors, despite writing a short apology noting saying "Ok! We’re sorry" and nothing else.
So, are we the assholes??
What else has happened that this is your ‘last notice’?
First of all, your front door is not as thick as your walls. That’s how they are hearing you.
But if you’re still loud enough for them to hear you, YTA. It could be, though, that your note back to them was rude or defensive, and they complained to the landlord anyways.
Either way, look into ways to block more sound from coming through your front door.
Performative sex is really irritating for anyone not in the room partaking. Screeching, bed rocking etc doesn’t have to affect other people, it’s just selfish on your part. Covering each other’s mouths? Come off it.
If you want to be that person who screeches throughout (and most people know it’s fake), move to a detached property.
You’re living in a block of flats – part of the social contract is not to be that person who everyone hates because of your behaviour.
YTA.
Even the wording of the post drips of ostentatiousness. The first paragraph could – and arguably, should – have been excised with no negative effect on the narrative.
OP wants the world to know about all the hot, hot sex. Can’t be surprised when the world pushes back on Loud, Live and Interactive Extravaganza.
Put a ring doorbell on your door you will hear for yourself.
One neighbour’s quiet acceptance of your “rich and entertaining” sex life doesn’t mean the others are being unreasonable in feeling uncomfortable. It sounds like perhaps these short lapses are longer (or louder) than you thought?
i would really have to hear how loud it is, but if it’s actually loud enough they can hear it down the hall YTA
INFO – how do you know the complaint to the landlord was by the younger neighbors and not by the neighbor who lives right next door to you? Is it not possible that some neighbors have heard you and chose to complain directly to the landlord rather than say something to you first? Also, do you understand how or why this is ‘the last notice’ from the landlord’s office? Is it also the first notice? Have you had any direct conversations with the landlord or members of that office to express your confusion and your side of the story?
“But also found it amusing that they heard us from across the stairs”
This gave me the ick.
*Edit to add YTA, my bad
Right? Sounds like someone wants an excuse to exercise their exhibition kink.
Yta, if they can hear you from that far Away you are too loud. Your direct neighbor probably hasn’t complained because they are embarrassed about what to say; “hey, can you not have loud as hell sex that sounds like you’re making a porno?”
YTA
Your title indicates that you “continued to be too loud”.
Neighbours complained to the landlord only after you purported to attenuate the volume.
Landlord advised that this was your “final notice”, which means that there were previous issues.
Everyone – including you, according to the post title – is in agreement that you are the problem.
YTA. I imagine most people who aren’t voyeuristic don’t enjoy hearing your sex sounds. Not saying something != being okay with it. Chances are the neighbor who hasn’t complained just hasn’t said anything to you. In fact, it could be *that* neighbor, who might be non-confrontational, who complained quietly to the landlord.
As someone who lived, with my child, below people who had loud sex every night (even after I’d bang on the ceiling), I can guarantee you guys are the assholes.
We all have sex and know that it can get loud, but when you live in an apartment, you should know off the bat that you can’t be wailing like a banshee or screaming like a porn star.
Grow up – no one else wants to hear your amorous exclamations, so just ✨be quiet✨. It’s not difficult (and if it is, you should get your inability to hear how loud you’re being checked by a doctor).