To give a bit of context, me 29M and soon to be wife 28F (WF) are getting married and we could not be happier with this moment. The gross man’s (GM) girlfriend (FGM) is someone we do not really want in our wedding. To give a bit of context, me and GM we go way back in time, we were very close friends, went through a lot of experiences and difficulties together and could count on each other every time to help one another. (Main reasons I chose him to be one of my GM)
I met him around the same time I met my soon to be wife (approx 9y).
And approx. 1.5y ago GM and FGM had a huge argument and discussion between each other and me and WF were with them at the time during that blow up. And you guessed it, we were caught in the explosion, the discussion starting diverting to us and as the discussion went by, FGM was inducing that the problem was happening because of me and WF. At this point she disrespected us and said things to my WF that I couldn’t tell even to my worst enemy. My WF only said one thing this entire time -> ‘Sorry’ and went to my room. We were shocked and I couldn’t accept this and me and FGM had a heated argument. GM stayed quiet the entire time.
I spoke with GM but every time I told him to try to make things and try to get everything back to normal FGM would always say she had nothing to apologise because she thought that what that what she did was correct. From this moment on, FGM does not even says hello to us, only speaks to us if other people are involved in the conversation, basically wants to show everyone that she talks to us even though she doesn’t. She told lies about us to our friends, which came to us asking ‘is this true? I know you guys it seems a bit fishy that you did this?’. She tries to take people away from close to us to leave us alone etc. From this moment on me and WF decided to minimize encounters where we knew they were going for our mental health, it was sad and just depressing to be around her with all the lies and disrespecting that she does everytime. In all of this the GM did nothing to settle things up, me and WF tried to talk to him to arrange it and he said that she didn’t want to.
Now to the matter in hand, for the wedding. After discussions WF does not want her there and I do not want her also. But, the probability of GM not going if she is not invited I believe it will be high. And this might cause that he steps down as GM and perhaps even makes an argument with me and wound our relationship.
I sent the save the date to him like everyone else and have the physical invitation to give him in approx. 24h. I will tell him ‘This invite is solely to you. Your girlfriend is not invited, it is our day and I really want you to be there with us since it will be probably the most important day of our lives’. We are trying to understand that with all this context , AITA for not inviting her? And if you have any tips for this one, throw it on.
Edit: groomsman not grossman 🙃
I’m sorry, I couldn’t get past “grossman.” Are you trying to say groomsman?
Yes. Apologies 🫠
I’m not trying to be mean – I’m curious where that came from. Is it similar to a word in your native language? Because it’s not even a word in English (it’s a name).
I mean he sounds pretty gross, as a friend at least.
I’m so disappointed that the guy isn’t gross.
Right? And then trying to keep the initials straight? 🤯 I gave up.
Yes! The initials were too similar. Fake names would have been easier.
Every time I read FGM as female genital mutilation. I mean, it wasn’t female groomsman. FGM makes no sense, it was so confusing.
NTA. That person can’t be in your wedding, but you have to accept your “friend” probably won’t be there either. And that’s right, that’s his choice (which has seemingly always been against y’all), that’s life and it’s probably for the better.
NTA but this guy doesn’t sound like your friend. He let his girlfriend run off at the mouth and doesn’t want to fix the situation, what a joke.
NTA be prepared to accept that he probably won’t turn up if he can’t bring her. But absolutely do not allow this woman to attend your wedding. She will cause a scene and do whatever she can to fuck up your big day.
I think you have it right – give him the choice. Be groomsman and come alone because you’d like HIM there, or he can back out gracefully, no harm no foul.
Reminder that it’s usually not sustainable to be friends with one half of a couple and actively dislike the other half. And same for the GM. He likes you both but FGM does not. Something is going to have to give.
NTA I’d do exactly what you plan to do: invite him, make sure he knows he is wanted, but tell him his girlfriend cannot be in attendance. Let him choose whether or not to attend at that point, and if he bows out, you have to accept that. Depending on what he chooses, you may have to reevaluate your friendship. If he asks why she can’t come, just remind him that the people who are invited to your wedding are there to celebrate you and your relationship because they love you, and that his GF has made it abundantly clear that that is not something that can be said about her.
INFO: Why are you still friends with this man when his partner has caused so many issues and he’s done nothing to defend you or your partner, he’s let his partner explode towards you and your partner, and he’s not managed to convince his partner to apologise to you or your partner, and he’s not managed to make his partner stop spreading lies and drama?
I understand why you do not want her at the wedding, I just don’t understand why you are still friends with this man.
But be prepared for your friend to not come if his partner is not welcome. I would not go to a wedding if my partner is excluded and I am close friends with the bride/groom. If someone I considered a friend has such beef with my partner, then I can’t imagine I’d still be friends with this person OR that I’d still be with this partner. I’d drop the person who has consistently been vitriolic and unreasonable and a shit-stirrer.