My husband and I are in disagreement on dog and baby interactions. He wants the dog to feel open to approach and interested in our 9 month old, let baby touch our dog, joked about letting the baby ride the dog, etc. I have been firm from the beginning that I do not want the dog and baby alone and I do not want them touching/playing until baby can understand the importance of giving the dog their space. I am under the mindset that I would rather the dog be uninterested in the baby than overly obsessed.
Our dog is a shelter dog, we got him at about 9 months old. He had food aggression in the beginning that I think we have worked through and I would say a high prey drive (runs after squirrels in the backyard, loves lure courses and chasing lasers). We did DNA testing and it came back as a pretty long line of crossbreeding Australian shepherds, mini ausssies, Staffordshire terriers, and pit bulls so I think he might have come from a backyard breeder. Now our dog is very very sweet but excitable (jumps on people, doesnt focus on commands when excited) and has never shown aggression aside from the resource guarding. No jumping has always been a command that never stuck and he rarely ever listens to commands from my husband. He is a relatively quiet dog and does not bark often in the house, likes to sit in peoples laps, licks alot and weighs about 40lbs. He also exhibits jealousy when his favorite people give attention to other dogs instead of him and has tried to jump on people when they are giving attention to the baby which i nipped in the bud.
1.) Went to a relatives house and they have a rescue lab and someone joked about our baby being able to ride the dog. My husband looks at me and asks if the baby can be set on top of the dog. I said no and he looked disappointed.
2.) Before baby, husband would close the dog in the bathroom with me while I was in the shower as a joke. Since baby, I keep a bouncer in the bathroom for baby since he fusses when he can’t see me. I close the door so the dog cannot come in. Husband on multiple occasions let the dog in the bathroom and shut him in with the baby while I was in the shower without informing me. I got angry with him and he said he would stop that.
3.) My MIL and husband have confessed to calling the dog over and making him sit so they can pet the dog with the baby’s hand or foot. After this our dog has taken to coming closer to the baby while at floor level to sniff/lick his face or feet.
4.)Dog has growled at friends toddlers crying 2x
Frankly, I do not want our dog to think he is free to approach our baby until I am comfortable knowing our baby will not invade the dog’s space and knowing that our dog likes to jump and sit on people. My husband disagrees and says his baby and dog should be able to play/touch each other and that he would never let anything happen. I have countered that there is plenty of time for that when the baby is older and he has said that I am overly protective, an ass, and I hate our dog.
Pitbull mix that growls at toddlers? Seriously? Do not EVER let this dog be alone with the baby. In fact, you should probably re-home the dog. This is NOT safe.
In my opinion (I have dogs and cats and a 3 year old) definitely allow the dog around the child but you should never leave a child unattended with an animal especially one you obviously don’t trust. Plus teaching your child how to interact with animals is done with time. You don’t just wake up explaining things to your kid and they say okay mom and just don’t do it. You’ll have to alway be near a ways so might as well get them used to each other now, or get that dog to a family he can actually be a part of!
Our dog is around our baby constantly. He is not locked away in a room and is free to go wherever he pleases except the nursery which has a gate. I draw the line at the dog deciding he wants to get in the babys personal space or adults making the dog stay so they can put the baby in his space. I want to introduce appropriate interactions a little later as right now our baby is in the pulling, slapping and screaming phase
You are not just in disagreement about this. Your husband and the father of your child is actively going against your wishes and *encouraging his family* to disrespect and laugh at you too. What in the world are you doing? YTA for not nipping this in the bud. Does he need to see a therapist to deal with his weird freaking obsession with the baby being with the dog? Or is it an obsession with pissing you off? Either way, he doesn’t care about you or that child based on his current actions, I don’t care how good of a husband you think he is elsewhere in the relationship. This is insane.
Your dog clearly has some risk factors, so you need to get a dog trainer ASAP. Someone who will assess the risks and teach you how to train your dog. The jumping on people certainly needs to stop.
You are 100% NTA about not wanting to leave a dog alone with a 9-month-old. While it’s pretty darn unlikely that anything dangerous will happen, it’s the kind of preventable tragedy that is easily, well, preventable.
But a very gentle nudge that you might be going a little too far. Letting the kid have some gentle interactions with the dog while you are present and keeping watch, however, is not unreasonable. The more you get the two of them adjusted to one another now, the less work you’ll have to do in the future. Let both the dog and the baby be curious and be right there. If you’re really worried, have one person holding the baby and another person holding the dogs collar for the first couple of interactions until you gain some confidence with it. If the dog’s got food aggression, make sure there is nothing even remotely resembling food in the area when it’s happening.
That baby is going to be a toddler before you know it, and you don’t want your kids first interaction with a dog to be them accidentally hurting the dog or having the dog hurt them because they don’t know how to deal. Even pre-verbally, most toddlers can learn that animals need a gentle touch and how to respect them. Even though your dog is just a dog, most pets will understand that babies and children are not the same as adults. If you keep them in separate rooms, that learning is not going to happen. If you let them get together and interact now, they’ll be in a good place to respect each other and befriend each other as they grow.
So I agree to never leave the dog and baby alone together. However, never allowing your child to interact with the dog just creates distance, stigma, and fear. It’s better to supervise and teach gentle hands now.
That being said, your husband is the AH for doing all sorts of stuff behind your back when you’ve made it clear you’re not comfortable.
So far this is the only common sense thing I’ve read. Not sure how a dog, that has shown jealousy, isn’t going to end up jealous of the baby. You can properly supervise a dog and integrate it properly into a babies life. Doesn’t mean you leave them alone together
As the mom of a little boy who was bit by a dog who never showed aggression… I beg you to stand your ground on this. My son was about 19 months when my parents’ dog decided to bite him in the face. We don’t know why, the dog was 4 years old (they’d had her since she was 8 weeks) and had never been aggressive with anyone.
Thankfully she let go, but he ended up with stitches all over his face, and 7 years later still has a huge scar across his cheek.
If you need more convincing, or if your husband does, I have pictures that will convince you/him.
Bigger issues here: like why isn’t your husband watching his child so you can shower? If he has time to play silly little games like locking the dog in the bathroom with you and the baby while you’re just trying to shower, he needs to be checked. He’s not being funny, he’s being a terrible husband.
Bro…this. I thought it but forgot to mention it in my comment. Why are you watching baby while you shower if your husband is home?! He needs to step it up.
Sounds like you are being put in a situation OP where you feel like you’re the only one caring for your child and it is making you understandably overworked overwhelmed and anxious.
He’s also being a terrible father. This kids going to grow up and see the dad as some houseplant that isn’t involved in his life at all.
NTA NTA NTA. This is how children get bitten by dogs.
Dogs were not designed to be ridden. Doing so can injure their spines, especially a small dog like yours.