Me and my partner have been together a year and we never do anything…ever we’ve been out for a night out maybe twice and the rest of the time we just sit in. He has sometimes gone on a night out with friends and family. I used to ask to do things but he would say that he wasn’t in a good space and didn’t want to be around people since their mum passed away. So I stop asking to go on days out, stopped asking to take the dogs anyway too far away. Last weekend I asked to go out for the day and it was a yes up until we were going to leave and then they said they didn’t feel like it and I didn’t make a fuss I just said I understood. This weekend I asked if they wanted to go for a drink and they said no they didn’t want to do that but we could go out during the day on Sunday. Today they called me and said they were going out for a drink with their Dad. I maybe over reacted but I told them I was annoyed at this as they didn’t want to do this with me but felt ok to do it with others. Apparently because I’m always with them this shouldn’t be an issue and I’m trying to stop him seeing his family. So please honestly let me know. Thanks
NTA First of all, if you wanna go out you should do it. You don’t need their permission. Second, if they are just unwilling to go out with you but make plans with others, that’s a problem. I’m sorry but I’d be done with a relationship like that. You’ve communicated with them why you want to go out, been reasonably upset when they went out anyways, and they used that as a way to make you feel guilty. Absolutely not.
NAH, but this relationship is uneven.
You’re not upset because he’s going out with his dad. You’re upset because for a year you’ve accepted cancellations, stopped asking for dates, and shrunk your needs, and yet he still finds energy to go out with other people. Anyone would feel hurt by that.
That said, calling it out in the moment made it sound like you were trying to control his plans, when the real issue is that you feel consistently deprioritized as his partner.
Grief explains avoidance, but it doesn’t erase the impact on the relationship. At some point, intent stops mattering if the result is that you’re lonely inside a relationship.
You don’t need to stop him from going out. You need to decide whether you’re okay staying in a relationship where you’re always the one accommodating and waiting.
You’ve gotta take control of your life and stop allowing boyfriend to steer for you both. Commiseration at its finest. NTA
Info: how often do they go out with friends? What do you two do as a bonding experience/time?
Im trying to wrap my head around this relationship since it sounds like you two live together after just hitting a year mark yet also don’t do anything together? How long did you date before moving in together—what was he like then? Most people at the early stages go on dates a lot but you’re saying it was only twice?
NTA – Sounds like your partner is depressed. They need help with that, maybe their Dad is their safe person, so I wouldn’t push that too much. But the fact they don’t want to go out is a red flag and needs to be addressed.
NTA but you need to find friends to go out with as he is obviously not interested in taking you out.
What are you doing with him at home? Sitting in but watching movies together? Him gaming and you watching? Gaming together?
Sitting in for a year can get rid of a spark. So I totally understand you wanting to go out with him.
Other hand, if he lost his mother, then drinking with his father is something he needs to do. Hopefully with you present there.
You never know how fast things can go sideways. Please don’t ever say you don’t want a person to stay away from his parents. I personally got better with my parents because of my wife and I love her for that.
I do understand you want to be going out together and he will need to make a step in that direction I think. Not easy, not by a long shot.
ESH.
I was married to this. Too tired to go out when I asked, but magically his friend would call and he’d stop for a drink on the way home. NTA get out now
NTA. You are not his person. He is not your person. Move on and stop letting him control your emotions.
Do you really want to live like this? What is your attraction to him?
NTA: But you need to reset this relationship. If you plan to go do something fun and he agrees but then cancels last minute, tell him you will miss him and then go do the fun thing.
He can’t control you, but you also can’t control him. The fact you choose to stay home when he cancels doesn’t mean you can expect him to stay home when he wants to go out.
Also, why didn’t you join him and his father for the drink?
Things need to change or you will both be miserable.
Does he even like you? Why couldn’t they invite you along for a drink with their dad?
NTA. He doesnt like you friend. Let him go. If he wont be seen with you in public theres a reason. Lose his number.
It sounds like to me. He’s already checked out of the relationship. You need to call them out on this and find out exactly what he’s doing and if he’s being evasive, he’s engaging in behaviors you wouldn’t approve of.