Am I the asshole? My sister (26) and I (25) usually do a dual birthday party since her birthday is late August and mine is early September. She moved out a few months prior so I decided to take it upon myself to suggest we still do a party. I wanted to do a Shrek theme because it’s swampy and green and I love both things, plus she is also into memes and loves Shrek. I ask my dad for some money for decorations since I still lived at home and got most thing ready for the party.
Now my sister has a lot of friends from college and invited 20-25 people while I just invited 3, so it was to my surprise that she refused when I asked her to NOT invite one of her friends.
She is well aware that I knew her friend from high school and I had spoken about how competitive this girl was toward me and looked at me like scum even though I tried multiple times to be her friend. I told her this and she decided to invite this girl anyway. I made her 100% aware that I feel disrespected and it’s just one person and I don’t want to be uncomfortable for my birthday, but she fathered her friend be there.
I decided I would give her the party and I would go out with my boyfriend instead. I didn’t make a big deal out of it until after her party so that she could still enjoy her birthday. It’s been 4 months and she tells my dad that she’s sorry but can’t give me a proper apology. She says I’m being childish after all that.
AM I THE ASSHOLE FOR NOT ACCEPTING HER APOLOGY?
NTA. “Sorry, but not sorry” is not a real apology. And you aren’t obligated to accept any apology. Acceptance is a choice, not something you owe someone.
Sorry I can’t apologize isn’t an apology lol what apology do you have to accept when nobody has given you any apologies? If she apologized TO YOUR DAD then she’s not apologizing to you. Also, people can apologize to you until they’re blue in the face… Doesn’t mean you have to accept or forgive if you aren’t comfortable. Also an apology doesn’t mean restoration of status quo. A person can apologize and you can accept but it doesn’t mean that you have to accept THAT person the same you did in the past.
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So, no apology issued = no apology to accept.
NTA. She put her priorities very clear and you weren’t one of them. Also what did you do wrong? She kept the friend ergo you removed yourself from the situation and went out with your boyfriend to celebrate. I’m missing the part where you threw a tantrum on the floor and stopped the party from happening. From where I see it, there’s one person being childish and it’s not you.
Sounds like she hasn’t given you an apology… she’s said she’s sorry to your dad maybe to save face? Anyway, NTA.
What is it with you people that want apologies? Any apology that has to be asked for or demanded or expected isn’t an apology; it’s just you getting off on humiliating someone else.
A real apology means the offender felt true remorse and wanted to make amends. The sister with the friend obviously valued that friend more than OP and that’s the long and short of it. That’s the red flag. She knew inviting this friend would upset OP and disrespect her and she did it anyway.
That’s what’s up. There’s no apology for that. Sister made a CONSCIOUS, adult decision to disrespect her own sister in favor of an AH friend. I don’t know how you walk that back.
>What is it with you people that want apologies? Any apology that has to be asked for or demanded or expected isn’t an apology; it’s just you getting off on humiliating someone else.
There seems to be a disconnect here. OP hasn’t asked for an apology, she just wants one. She wants a sincere apology, and her sister hasn’t offered one yet, unless you’re counting the one she offered their dad then basically tried to say “I can’t give the type of sincere apology OP wants because I don’t see the hurt I caused by choosing my AH of a friend over my own sister. She just needs to accept my “sorry your feelings were hurt” and get over it.”
You seem to be confused over people demanding a public apology and those that would like someone to apologize but aren’t asking for it because they know that the apology won’t be sincere.
ESH
I’m still trying to figure out exactly what she’s supposed to apologize for.
1) You’re both too old for a joint party. You’re grown ass adults with your own friend groups. Act like it. This situation more than shows that this isn’t practical.
2) Grown ass adults asking daddy for money for a party. smh
3) According to what you wrote, the friend hasn’t actually done anything to you. You just don’t like how she looks at you. Grow up and get over it.
4) Your sister shouldn’t have to exclude any of her friends from her birthday party. It being a joint party doesn’t change that. This further solidifies the impracticality of the joint party.
So, is she supposed to apologize for wanting her friend there? Or because you don’t like how this friend supposedly looks at you?
Honestly, you suck more than she does. But she’s not innocent here either. She could have just said no to the joint party when issues arose rather than being difficult and causing problems. But you also could have sucked it up and just not interacted with this person.
NTA, you can’t accept something she didn’t give. Now you see how she truly feels about you, so treat her accordingly. It doesn’t matter that she’s family because she’s not treating you as family.
IMO you are being childish. Someone’s mean to you in HS. You’re an adult now – move on.