Me (f) and my friends were in a call today, just chatting and goofing around. When I decided to put on a vinyl record. I asked which one and one of my friends said the red one from sleep token. I was confused and showed the cover of Even in Arcadia, a on the first sight obviously pink/purple ish colored cover and asked if he meant that one. He agreed and I said it was definitely not red. My other friend didn’t say anything and went over to him (they are siblings and live in the same house) to say what they were thinking which color it was. He even muted his mic so that I couldn’t hear it. My other friend who I pleaded to agree with me, I even asked her to Google it, so she could see it in maybe better quality and lightning said: "oh…I’ll have to say it’s red." With a smile in her tone that couldn’t be overheard. I was furious. (because that wasn’t the first situation like this.The first time it was about my hair color if it was purple, magenta, violet or pink. I said it was purple because it can be counted as it, but obviously I was tired to be gaslighted again) I held a slipper of mine, that was definitely red into the camera and snapped that this was red and not the album cover. And when they still said it wasn’t pink, i flipped them off and left the call, telling them to fuck themselves. I then went to my stepsister and asked her what she thought what color it was. She was on my side. My step mom peaked into the room, to see what was going on. I showed her too and she also agreed. After I left I asked my boyfriend and he agreed as well. I also asked My 4th friend who wasn’t in the call when it happened, but she said it looked red to her. I sent a angry voice message and sent her a picture of the color palette that was used.
It’s now 3:40 am and a few minutes ago I sent a voice message into the group chat how I absolutely despise being gaslighted for fun when they know I’m absolutely right and have poof.
So, am ITA or unreasonable for reacting that way?
Anyway I’m now going to listen to sleep token to fully calm down.
(Sorry for any grammar errors, it’s late and english isn’t my first language)
I’m not gonna call you an asshole ’cause you’re obviously a kid, but you’re immature as hell.
I looked up the album cover and I think it’s fair to call it either pink or red… but if you’re experiencing so much stress in these relationships that you blow up over a disagreement like this it’s probably time to step back and ask what you’re getting out of your friendships. Either your friends are distressing you on purpose or you’re blowing small issues out of proportion and neither case is healthy.
You sound like a kid.
It’s ok. Take a breath.
It’s really not that deep.
How old are you? Because this is an extreme overreaction to a relatively minor thing.
People do experience and see colours differently. Just because it doesn’t look red to you doesn’t mean it isn’t. Same with your hair colour- all those shades are/can be very similar. And that’s not even taking into account that if I ask you to think of the colour Teal that you and I will probably not think of similar shades.
Take a breath, relax, and accept that sometimes people see the world differently and that’s good
I know I overreacted, but it just really pissed me off that my friends made me react like that from, like you said a minor thing. Overall it’s always them rage baiting me until I explore, no matter what situation. I just wanted to see if other people understand where I’m coming from even if it’s just over a damned color of an album cover
It’s interesting that you see this as them rage baiting you, or MAKING you react a certain way.
The way you describe this situation, it doesn’t sound like they’re bullying you. It sounds like they just disagreed with you. And you got pissed and started arguing instead of just letting it go. And because they really didn’t agree, you got really angry instead of just dropping it.
Sometimes we can react very emotionally to things, but that doesn’t mean that other people are MAKING us react that way. Managing our own big emotions is our job, and we can’t blame other people for them. It’s not other people’s job to keep us from overreacting. And even if we feel strong emotions, that doesn’t mean we have to act on them or escalate arguments. How we respond to our own emotions is our own responsibility, not someone else’s fault.
If you find yourself exploding over minor things, it might be a good idea to look into mindfulness practices or try to get some counseling to help you learn to calm yourself and deescalate situations instead of escalating them and becoming enraged.
It’s very hard to maintain friendships being always angry, and it’s even harder to live life constantly feeling angry.
Thank you, I just wanted to know HOW unreasonable I was back there. I calmed down and realized how much. But like I said I needed the outsider perspectives, otherwise I would have never calmed down and would have reacted even more pissed to my friends reply to my voice massage. She explained why she saw the color she saw (because she’s an artist, Color theory and so on…) I now know I was the prick and I’ll try to handle such situations better In the future
I had to google what this was and it looks red to me, but some images make it look pink. I can see how people might disagree when it seems to be such an in between color. Especially when you take color vision variation into account. Different people really do see different shades.
Pink and red are basically the same thing, who cares if you and your friends think they’re slightly different shades? This is not worth getting worked up over!
I can see how if you get incensed about things that don’t matter, someone might poke fun at it (your friend saying it’s red with a smile in her voice- why did THAT make you angry if she’s smiling?)
This isn’t gaslighting.
I think you need to take a step back to try to figure out why this upset you so much. Because most people wouldn’t get angry about it. At most, it should just be this funny thing that happened – something that looked red to them looked pink to you, how interesting and utterly unimportant.
Ultimately you’re YTA for getting so pissed over nothing. Especially because your friends didn’t jump on you trying to convince you it was red. YOU tried to convince THEM it was pink, when you should’ve just let it go.
YTA. “That’s red” vs “that’s pink” is a disagreement about how dark a color is, not gaslighting – particularly when you’re talking about an album cover with multiple different shades and tones of colors that use red pigments.
This is even more true when you’re communicating via video calls – not every monitor and phone is identically calibrated even before you take intentional “night shift” color changes into consideration.
Have you ever been checked for colorblindness? Since both instances where you felt like you were being gaslit have to do with a reds and you seeing purple, I can’t help looking at this from another angle.
Is it possible that because you were so upset, you asked your stepmom, sister, and bf if the album was pink and purple and they agreed because they could tell you were upset and didn’t want to add to it?
I took a look at the album online and it’s definitely various shades of red. Some deep, some orange, a little pink, etc. No purple to my eye. A quick search of the description says it’s red and pink, per the artist. I don’t think you’re being gaslit, I think there’s something in the semantics or perception that isn’t lining up.
I hope listening to the music has helped you calm down. I’d say unless/until you find an answer, you should take a break from a conversation like this in the future before you have to hang up and tell everyone to f themselves.. I understand you feel gaslit, but with the album at least, I don’t think that’s the case.
YTA.
I looked up the album. I actually would also mostly call it pink and purple with a little red in there. I am also famously bad amongst my friends at identifying colors.
We jokingly argue all the time about whether something is more green or blue or more purple or red. The color blindness tests at the eye doctor have never indicated anything so I truly believe it is just a difference in how I perceive color.
You need to do a few things:
1) look up the definition of gaslighting
2) apologize to your friends for wildly overreacting
3) maybe some anger management classes, because this was not at all an appropriate reaction to such a trivial matter
I get that the album is pink, I own it. Love Sleep Token, but you overreacted hard. Like pink is just a shade of red. Its not that big.
Have you considered therapy, because you seen to be blowing up over nothing. That irritability is a sign of depression.