I edited the text to make it clearer. I apologize if it is still confusing!
My mom owns a house in the countryside (City A) with a big garden, where she spends time caring for her plants. When she’s away for two months (she has another home in the capital – City B – 6 hours apart), she expects my sister (37), who lives also in City A and has two kids (ages 10 and 3), a 9-to-5 job, manages a house, and has a husband who barely helps with household duties. My mom insists that my sister go to her house every day or every other day to water the plants. She doesn’t allow the use of a hose, it has to be done with a watering can. This means my sister must make about 15 trips, refilling the can repeatedly, to water everything. Right now, it’s summer, with temperatures ranging from 25°C to 35°C (77-95°F) every day.
On Dec 25th, I gave my parents Christmas presents that I bought for my niece and nephew (since they would go to the City A much earlier than I would). They told me they wanted to decorate the house, set up the Christmas tree, and place the gifts under it to “keep the Christmas magic” for the kids. They explicitly stated that they would decorate the house over the weekend and then invite my sister and the kids to come over on Monday to see the tree and receive the presents.
On Dec 27th, when my mom went to the countryside (City A) without telling my sister and found the flowers dead because my sister hadn’t watered them. When my mom arrived and saw the plants had died because they hadn’t been watered, tensions escalated. After that, my mom stopped inviting my sister over and started blaming her for “not calling” or “not showing up,” even though she had not been told they were there (my sis only found out because I sent a private message telling her they were going to the countryside). As of Jan 4th, 2026, the kids still hadn’t received their gifts.
Since then, the Christmas presents have still not been delivered. As of January 4th, the kids still hadn’t received their gifts. Realistically, they will only get them when I visit on January 12th and hand them over myself.
Additional info: The kids could receive the present during the Dec 27th and Dec 30th gap, since my sister was travelling from Dec 31st until Jan 5th. On NYE, my nephew (10) called to wish a happy new year to their grandparents and noticed that they were at the countryside house. He said, "You two just go to the countryside when I am out." His grandmother (my mom) replied, "Yes, and we will be here just until Jan 4th." In reality, they will be there for the entire month of January, lying to the child.
I got involved because the kids were losing out on their gifts, and it felt like my mom crossed a line and is overcontrolling the poor kids and my sis. AITA for stepping in, or should I have stayed out of it?
Edit with additional information:
Everyone in my family has suggested various irrigation systems and even hiring gardeners several times for my mom, but she always comes up with excuses. She claims the systems are too strong and will ruin the plants, that they will significantly increase the water bills, and that she doesn’t trust unknown people working at her home (even outside) when she’s not there, etc.
Additionally, before giving my gifts to my parents for the kids, I specifically asked if they were okay with delivering them. Otherwise, I planned to bring them with me on January 12th. I asked because it would be more trustworthy for the kids to see the presents when my parents arrived home, rather than when I did, since both of them still believe in Santa.
On Dec 29th, I called my mom to ask why the presents hadn’t been delivered, and she told me to stay out of it. I haven’t reached the topic since then.
Timeline:
Dec 25: I gave my parents the gifts for my niece and nephew.
Dec 27: My mom went to the countryside house without informing my sister, found the plants dead, and stopped communicating my sister and the kids.
Dec 27–30: The kids could have received the gifts during this period, but they did not.
Dec 31 – Jan 5: My sister and the kids were traveling.
Jan 4: The kids still had not received their Christmas presents, which is when I got involved.
Jan 12: I will likely give the gifts to the kids myself.
YTA and so is your mom. You because none of this is any of your business, and your mom for the way she treats your sister and her kids. But you’re meddling rather than actually standing up for your sister.
Idk i think it’s OP’s business when their parents are refusing to give the kids the presents FROM OP that they asked them to give. They can withhold the presents they buy, but OP i think has a right to get involved when it’s presents they bought
They are gifts OP gave. That makes it OP’s business!
How is it not her business if her mother is keeping the presents OP bought for her niece and nephew from them? I mean she has to go to her mom’s house and get the presents and take them to her sister’s now and it’s about 2 weeks past when they should’ve gotten them.
I can not understand your convoluted writing… sorry.
Me either, lost track of timelines and relevant details
NTA if the gifts are from you until they’re given their your property.
You mum sounds like she has some kind of issue. How does she think someone has a spare 6 hours in their day to water plants with a friggin watering can?? And then when the adult doesn’t do it (for whatever reason), they punish the children?
I got lost about dates. It sounds like your sister was away. They (mum) only noticed the plants were dead when they arrived just now? Or what dead plants is she annoyed about? If they were that important, she’d find someone to pop in to water them. Not expect others to do it. 6 hours a day, that price in petrol alone would be massive. Expecting that, every day, that’s bonkers.
My sister was in the countryside until Dec 31st, where she stayed for four days alongside my mom (Dec 27th to Dec 30th). My mom knew that my sister and the kids would be traveling for NYE and the following days.
My mom just noticed that all the flowers and bushes in her garden were dead on Dec 27th when she arrived at the countryside house. She had been away for two months, and since we didn’t have cameras, she couldn’t check whether the plants were getting water. We even suggested a gardener a couple of times, but my mom doesn’t allow unknown people to go over the house when she is not there people
Also: My sister lives in the countryside where our mom’s garden house is, just a 15-minute drive away. The 6-hour drive is to my other mom’s house in the capital. That’s why my mom doesn’t visit the countryside house on weekends to water the garden.
Nta. Your sister and her kids need a good ally against that controllling behavior. Good on you for being there for her.
I didn’t understand and/or believe most of this…but to confirm…
Your mother has a country house with a large garden, she also lives in a house in the capitol, which is 6 hours away
Your sister lives in the country.
Your mother expects your sister to spend several hours every other day or so watering the mother’s plants by hand if mom isn’t there.
You gave your mom Christmas presents to take to the country house for Christmas (where do you live?)
Your sister for some reason didn’t make it to the country house over Christmas and the plants died. Must have been a lot of missed days…
But, your parents didn’t make it over Christmas either…because they didn’t get there until the 27th.
And so your nephews haven’t still gotten their Christmas presents….
Is that correct?
I think you’re writing January in places you mean December…?
Tysm! I fixed the text! Sorry for that!
YTA for not protecting your sister and yourself from this toxic parent. You put up with wayyyy too much.
INFO: Why wasn’t your sister watering the plants?
Apologies if I missed something! It seems unfair to your sister to have to do all that work, but if she agreed to it, why hadn’t she done it?
Keeping your presents to your nibblings from them is a separate issue which is just mean and cruel on your mother’s part.