My husband is one of three adult children. He has an older sister and a younger brother but as his sister is a bit flaky, he’s considered the responsible one.
We have two older teens and a dog, who is chilled. My in-laws also have a dog – a yappy, obnoxious pain in the butt dog who has weird habits and is getting worse in his old age.
It has always been the case that the in-laws look after our dog on our one 2 week holiday and the odd few days here and there. We reciprocate and all has been fine. Recently, the in laws has been going on 4 or 5 week long holidays a year and as the dog is a pain, it’s starting to become unmanageable.
My husband works from home and the dog barks at everything – the postman, the wind, passersby and it’s starting to affect his online meetings.
Their family are very non-confrontational and my husband decided to speak to them when they asked if we’d watch the dog for yet another extended holiday. He said ‘can you ask one of my siblings to split the time with us?’
When speaking to younger brother, he said he wasn’t asked and he’d struggle because of his young child. Not sure if flaky sister had been asked but it would be possible for them as they have 4 adults and a teen in that house.
When husband spoke to his mum today to ask if they’d spoken to siblings, her response was ‘flaky sister couldn’t watch the dog because they work. Brother will struggle with toddler child’
My issue is they haven’t asked the siblings at all and completely disregarded my husband’s request. It’s as though his work doesn’t matter.
He said we’ll have to do it because they look after our dog.
I have said that I would speak to them about it next time we see them.
He has asked me not to because it’s not worth it and he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
This is one small issue in a whole host of inconsistency, favouritism and generally poor parenting from his parents.
AITA if I explain that it’s getting very difficult for us to do it so frequently, especially when the dog is so unruly?
NTA. The issue here is that you are expecting them to care for your dog so you’re at a disadvantage if you refuse to care for theirs. I think that the best solution is to find a friend or paid doggie care worker to help care for your dog and then have a sit down conversation that they need to find their own dog care going forward because it’s jeopardizing your husband’s job. If they can’t afford it, then they can cut back on the number of their vacations or ask their other kids to help with the cost since you’ve been providing 2 weeks care per year for free until now. Some counseling for your husband might help if he’s struggling with saying no and family obligations
YTA
It’s your husband’s issue, his job being affected, his family that is asking favors and playing favorites. **And he has specifically asked you *not* to confront them.**
If you turn this into a confrontation anyway even after he has asked you not to, you are an AH.
NTA – someone here will post the ‘don’t rock the boat’ link & it’s true. Point is, their dog is not suitable for your house any longer long term & jeopardizing his work should be a non-negotiable – explain the disruption & say you can dogsit the LAST part of their holiday but someone else will have to do the rest. If they balk, ask why brother having a kid is more important than someones job – since it seems errybody knows the dog barking constantly is a thing, why is only one family having to deal?
And be prepared to line up a petsitter for you next holiday so they can’t throw that back at you
NTA but be ready to hire a dog sitter or board your dog from now on. You’re effected by this as much as your husband is. While it’s expected that older couples will travel more in retirement that needs to include paying someone to care for their dog instead of dumping it on you for extended periods of time.
No, you should not, that would make YTA, although I fully understand your desire to do so. Your husband has obviously lived this way, non-confrontational with his family, his whole life this far, he isn’t going to suddenly change. What you really need to do is research ways to handle a small, yappy dog. Since your husband works from home, the dog needs to be confined during his calls and meetings. What that looks like is up to you. Maybe put the dog in a kennell with a dark cloth wrapped over it and his favorite toy or bone to chew on, during those important meetings. Maybe put out in the back yard with a water bowl and a new toy. Whatever fits your situation best. Your husband also needs to understand that where his job and career are concerned, he needs to grow up and deal with it, especially with his parents, because they can’t get him another job if he loses this one because of his parent’s dog! And that if he loses his job, it’s your life and your son’s life that will be negatively impacted as well, so he doesn’t have the luxury of putting up with it anymore.
NTA, this isn’t a confrontation, it’s literally the truth.
Just don’t ask them to watch your dog again.
YTA (and husband)
There is absolutely no reason *at all* for your husbands siblings to help with the dog.
You help them with the dog, because they help you with your dog.
You don’t want to watch the dog? Nut the fuck up and say so.
If they are taking multiple weeklong vacations, they can pay to board it.
YTA. Only for going behind his back. Talk to him, tell him if he doesn’t tell them you will. Give him the information instead of going about it in a way that will cause strife between you. If it causes a disagreement then that is what it is but going in without warning him will be even worse. People in this sub really need to learn to talk to their partners.
YTA – if your husband wants to roll over, give him a treat and follow his lead.
HIS job is affected therefore HE needs to speak tf up.
Your husband is dealing with his parents and has specifically asked you not to speak to them about this. So if you do then absolutely YTA
Board the dog. Tell them to board their dog, and you board your dog going forward. Easy. No more pet sitting for anyone. I’m sure your dog will appreciate not dealing with annoying slipper.
YTA – You have a dog. They have a “yappy” “unruly” thing. Sister is “flaky” brother struggles.
If you don’t want to watch the dog, don’t. But don’t expect free dog sitting from them.
You should not overstep with your husband’s family if he is the one disrupted who is accepting the disruption.