I (22F) have a best friend of 10 years (21F), let’s call her A.
A is depressed, unemployed, her house is a mess and is a high school drop out (she is currently failing at her second go at it due to a lack of motivation) She has and still does struggle with a food, weed and nicotine addiction. This is all while living off of tax funded benefits.
For the past 3-4 years, we’ve had a problem being that our lives are looking very different. I am in my fourth and final year of getting my bachelor’s degree abroad. On top of that, I also work part time to fund my life and I am in a long-term committed relationship. I haven’t got as much free time as her which can lead to us not calling as much as she would like.
I recently stayed at her place while visiting home. I stayed for a week as we only see each other, in person, 1-2 times per year.
A few days ago I get back home from her place and was spending time with family. She called me at 5 in the afternoon saying that she just woke up from a nap and wanted to call to stay awake. I was busy when she called so I told her I could call her back a little later.
I lose track of time and get a text from her 2 hours later, irritated that I didn’t call her back because she ended up falling back asleep.
This sparked an argument which started about me not waking her up and spiralled into her saying I’ve been “rude” and “argumentative” which I have to disagree with. She kept bringing up that I had eaten more snacks than her and that she had to ask me to do the dishes instead of me just doing them. Forgetting to mention the $440 I spent on both of us throughout the trip (paying for everything), as well as the 3 hour cleaning session we needed to do.
I honestly wouldn’t mind if she had come to me with this normally but it’s the fact she does this to amplify an already small argument, which we have a lot of, using her tough childhood to justify it.
We have arguments almost every time I visit, and on text too, over really minor things like me calling for 4 hours instead of 5.
The reason I am upset about this argument is because I have been so generous to her while visiting. Earlier on the day she started the argument, I lent her $110. We have these stupid arguments a lot and it’s taking up more time and energy than I’d like to admit.
I’m wondering if our lives in connection to our personalities being so different now (grown apart) affects our compatibility as long-term friends. She has no drive or passions and tends to lash out at me for very minor things. Even my boyfriend refers to her as “my girlfriend” because of how attached she is to me. AITA?
Not The Asshole!
NTA. She’s not really helping herself. If that doesn’t change then you’ve grown apart. Let your friendship die a natural death.
NTA. It seems like your friend has greater emotional and mental health needs than you can (or possibly, even want to) fulfill. It may be time to take a good hard look at this friendship and to, at a minimum, establish some boundaries which might include your:
* not staying at her place so that she does not feel that you are taking advantage of that friendship
* ending interactions the moment that they become accusatory; and
* establishing a time, each week, when you will call her to catch up with each other.
The whole point should be to do the best that you can do to change the pattern of your interactions to something that is, mutually, more positive and beneficial for the two of you. Good luck!
You need a break. She sounds like a very angry person who is taking her frustrations out on you. And why not? You have a full life,a relationship and some money. She is living a subpar life, living off the government,no motivation and pretty much a self destructive life. She fell asleep most likely from being high on pot. How anyone can afford a pack of cigarettes is beyond me. Where I live they are almost 16.00 per pack. That’s a lot of money to waste on potential cancer and ill health. The pot smoking is troublesome as well
Maybe it’s time to tell her that your life is busy now and you will call when you can. You are not responsible for her well-being and she is just bringing you down. Don’t t let her guilt you about your life, which she is doing.
Friendships are based on respect, love, and acceptance of each others lives. I don’t see where she is doing her part. She is suffocating you and you are to nice and allowing this to happen. And she is also codependent on you. This cycle has to end. You cannot continue this because as much as you like her she is not doing anything to help herself.
Again, take a break and live your life. Stop apologizing. And slowly let her go. She’s exhausting. Good luck
Picture me holding your hand when I say this, your friend is a bum, who doesn’t have ambition to want to move forward, so she’s upset and taking it out on you…
NTA probably… but girl i don’t think you two like each other