I’m gonna keep this brief.
I went to a concert with a coworker back in November and we had a great time, and while at that concert I impulse bought two tickets to another concert this upcoming March. She sent me her share for the ticket, so while both tickets are in my name, I guess one of them is hers.
The problem is, this past month it was revealed that she’s been spreading rumors at work about me and other coworkers. She gets with any coworker (especially the new hires) that gives her a crumb of attention while in a relationship with another coworker (that she’s been telling us has been assaulting her this whole time). She sleeps with someone and then turns around and tells everyone at work about how creepy and gross and ugly they are and how she would never go out with them. She’s loudly mentioned how I slept with a coworker (I didn’t) in front of management–my workplace prohibits relationships and these rumors could seriously fuck me over. There’s a lot more to this, but essentially wherever she goes, rumors and lies and drama will follow.
So, I’m not comfortable going with her to this concert anymore. Even if outside of work she’s a lot of fun, I just don’t want to get involved in whatever mess she’s gonna get herself into because I’ll be dragged down too. Now, the concert happens to land on my friend’s birthday. That ticket would be a very convenient birthday gift. So, I was thinking I could message my coworker something like "Hey because of everything going on at work right now I will be taking somebody else to the concert", give her back her money, and then go with my friend.
Even if I’m not TA here, I’m probably not coming out of this unscathed. I know this will hurt my coworker’s feelings and it could lead to some nasty stares at work, so I’ve been pretty anxious about causing more conflict; however, I don’t want to keep interacting with someone who could turn around and say whatever they want about me. Like I said, the concert’s in March, so I have time to think about this and take in any other points of view, though I’d like to rip the bandaid sooner rather than later.
A little YWBTA. The kindest option is to offer her to buy the second ticket, OR you can buy her ticket. Just make it clear you won’t go with her. But the clear best option is that she has a choice to still go to the concert she’s already paid a ticket for, even if her behaviour has been shitty, your behaviour in response doesn’t have to be shitty.
I replied to a comment with this so I’ll just paste it here: Lot of people have made the same point and yeah that’s fair, I don’t want to mess with who owns what ticket. The tickets are floor, and I could transfer one to her. I’d still have to break the news that I’m not comfortable going together, but she’d still be able to use the ticket she paid for–would that be a less toxic alternative?
YTA. That is her ticket now, you can’t force her to sell her ticket to you. The N T A option to get out of going with her would be to tell her you unfortunately can no longer make it (don’t blame her in any way, just make up some excuse that you are busy that night) and give her your ticket for free (as well as give her her own ticket of course).
This is the best approach. You can’t be seen as doing something mean or in poor taste with this scenario. If you do what you’re thinking then she will turn her gossip on you and no good will come of that.
I agree with giving HER ticket to her since she already paid for it so it’s hers. But why also give OP’s paid ticket to her for free, hardly fair….especially after how she’s been treating OP (if she was a nice person to OP, it’d be a different story) and also given how concert tickets could be a few hundred dollars on average and ticket prices aren’t as cheap as they used to be. OP paid for his ticket, he keeps his to sell or do whatever he wants with it. And she keeps hers. If anything, OP could give his ticket to his friend as a birthday gift.
Why should she give a free second ticket to someone who spread rumours about her at work? How much of a coward are you?
Don’t think I’m okay with giving her my ticket alongside hers, but you’re right that i can’t really make her give up that ticket if she doesn’t want to
YWBTA – the ticket belongs to her. You can’t force her to sell it to you, that’s super uncool.
I think you either have to offer to buy it or offer to sell your ticket to her.
If it is GA, you could also just both go but separately.
If she doesn’t possess the ticket it doesn’t belong to her. Op doesn’t have to do anything. I feel bad for how spineless the average Reddit user is. Yall must lead some sad lives.
Only addressing the ticket question and not any of the workplace drama- you can’t do that. The ticket is hers. She paid for it. You have absolutely no right to refund her and take the ticket. That is wildly inappropriate. But definitely stay away from her because she sounds awful.
NTA she is evil, why should you have to “do the right thing” by her when she has been downright malicious towards you?
I think you should handle it carefully though. If you say “I’ll be taking someone else” in a matter of fact tone like that then she will definitely do something vindictive to get you back. You’re better off lying and saying you gave the tickets to someone else out of pity or lost them or something and will send her the money back. It will probably be obvious you are lying but you can quietly say to other people that you didn’t feel comfortable when she talks shit about you.
It sounds like you want to be mean to her because you’re mad (which is totally fair), but I’d advise against it. People like that tend to twist your words. You don’t want her spreading a rumour that you stole money from her or to confront her in a way that makes her vengeful. Just play stupid and quietly gather support from your coworkers who are probably also sick of her.
NTA. You’re protecting yourself from potential drama and workplace consequences. That’s not only fair, it’s smart.
NTA. You could be nice and transfer the ticket.
But why? Being nice to awful people is a terrible life strategy.