AITA? So my mom (58F) has been talking to a guy for a year. Apparently he’s from overseas and has every plan and idea to meet her but they haven’t met or even called properly during that time. It happened shortly after my parents divorced, my dad had cheated on my mom & of course this really badly impacted my mom.
She told me his name and profile picture and I (22F) searched him up on Facebook and there are hundreds of accounts with the same name and profile picture – major red flag. I told my mom about it and she said “well he’s real” and refuses to believe anything but. I’m kind of alone in this because she has pushed her friends away when they’ve said the same thing as I did, that this should be a cause for concern, so she talks shit about them to me and I’m like, “well mom, they’re looking out for you.” And she’s like, “yeah well I don’t need anyone.”
Long story short, I could see how he was impacting her negatively and she kept mentioning cryptocurrency so I knew that he was scamming her in some way or form, because she never ever had any interest in that sort of thing. I took her phone (really shitty move I know, but I didn’t know what else to do) and checked their messages and sure enough she was sending him money and he would ignore her for days on end until he needed more. I sent him a text telling him to back off or I will involve authorities and surely enough he told my mom the “relationship” was over.
She’s super mad at me, rightfully so, for invading her privacy – but I just genuinely didn’t know what else to do. I’d rather be the villain than let this guy manipulate her.. she said “fine I’ll never date again since that’s what you want!” And I tried to explain myself but she wasn’t having it. She probably will hate me for it for a long time.. I just feel like the asshole, lol.
NTA. You did the right thing.
NTA – This is a classic romance scam. You probably saved your mom from being bled dry.
I doubt the scammers gone. They don’t care about authorities being contacted because they are not in the country.
He most likely told her to tell you that they broke up. He’s not giving up his gravy train that easily.
Please read up on r/scams
This is the right answer
NTA. “She met him online” and “She kept mentioning cryptocurrency.” Yeah, okay, bud. Also, rightfully so? How? You literally did the right thing, even if it involved “invading her privacy,” when she is losing money to a pathetic scammer like that guy. If anything, your mother should thank you for having such a caring daughter.
Thank you so much. This means a lot to me – I just feel terrible for invading her privacy but she’s also a little naïve to these sorts of scams as she’s never dated outside of being with my dad.
Involve the authorities anyway. Good chance he just told her to tell you they broke up so you’d leave them alone. He’s not going to give up that easy
I’m a private investigator and I get these calls frequently, usually from family members. Young people fall victim to these scams just as frequently as older people.
The victim never believes that they are being catfished, even when presented with proof. You did the right thing by protecting your mom. NTA
Stay vigilant. These parasites tend to pop up over and over again, once they find someone who is a good target.
NTA.
Of course she’s upset at the moment. She feels stupid and betrayed, as well as lonely. Her friends were right, and now she has to listen to that as well. Give her time.
At some point you need to explain to your mom that she was never dating this guy. He was a professional scammer and he took advantage of her situation, as well as the fact that she hadn’t dated in the digital age.
Tell her you would LOVE for her to actually date a real life person, and maybe at some point you can coach her on the red flags to avoid.
NTA, maybe you can show her some episodes of Catfish. She needs to understand that dating doesn’t mean sending money to people you’ve never met.
At 22, you need to teach her how to online date. How to look at the words and pictures and spot bullshit.
She won’t believe and she won’t thank you because the people that fall for these things never will, but you did the right thing.
NTA. I would also call her bank’s fraud number explain what has been going on and clearly state that she is vulnerable due to bereavement and has been targeted by romance scammers. Request that measures are put in place to protect her-eg monitoring her account for large, high value or international transactions.
Follow up the call with an email so you have a record when this happens again- she will continue to be targeted.
Thank you so much I will keep this in mind