Okay, it’s not as straightforward as the title suggests. But in my own defence, I really think there comes a time where being considerate of your partner might go too far.
So, my girlfriend (28F) and I (29M) have been living together for about 2 years now. Initially, life together was great, but since moving in with one another, I have become aware of some of her… quirks (I’d probably need a content schedule if I wanted to post every time she’s had me asking AITA).
Anyways. Her latest thing is ‘optimising her circadian rhythm’ (yep). Now, for anyone enlightened on the subject, that of course includes zero light and noise whilst the princess sleeps (from literally 9pm by the way). Me, being a nice partner, I have tried to adhere to this strict policy. After 9pm I am confined to a room on the total other side of the house, once I am tired I literally tiptoe into bed so as not to make any noise, and most importantly, I do not use the lights in the bathroom, nor do I use the toilet. By the way, this means I have stopped brushing my teeth at night.
Well, last night chaos ensued. This is almost too good to be true, but last night after a questionable takeaway meal, I ended up with food poisoning. It was 11:30pm and I really had to – uh – deal with my issue. I actually contemplated getting in the car and driving to the McDonald’s about 2 minutes away out of consideration for my gf, but I wasn’t going to make it. So, I ran to the ensuite and took care of business (with the lights on), but let’s just say the noise… was unavoidable. And given the biological warfare occurring in the bowl, simply had to flush. I actually flushed twice.
Next thing you know, door barges open. No "Honey, are you okay?" No concern for the fact that I was actively fighting for my life on the porcelain throne. She stood in the doorway, wearing her silk sleep mask on her forehead like a tactical visor and just stared at me with no concern for my privacy. Luckily nobody cares about their privacy less than me, so it wasn’t really a problem, but besides the point. I was admittedly a bit on edge from the whole food poisoning thing, so before she could even say anything, I lashed out.
I let out a 5+ minute tirade on her circadian rhythm BS, and there was some name calling, but come on!? If I didn’t go on this rant, you bet she would’ve beaten me to it and called me some names for exercising my right to use the toilet in my own home. She started sobbing uncontrollably, telling me I’m a horrible, unsupportive partner. She said she’s only doing all of this strict routine for her mental health (which she’s never told me, even when I’ve asked her why she does it) because she feels like she’s on the edge of a breakdown, and that it makes her feel unsafe when I get "crazy like this".
I guess it’s my own fault for letting it go on this long, but I really don’t think that, on the surface, I’ve done anything wrong here. AITA?