I have two kids, let’s call them Emily (14) and Alice (15).
We have a family tradition where a close friend, ‘Marie’ of the family gifts both girls an ‘experience’ present. Basically it can’t be a product, a gadget, consumables ect. In the past they have picked things like concert tickets, days at a theme park, horse riding, ect.
We had our friend to stay this week as it was the first chance to spend time with them since Christmas. The friend mentioned to me that the annual gift was due and to ask the kids what sort of experience they might like.
Alice is a huge fan of a punk bank who happened to be playing in our city next month. Marie was happy to support her love of music and happily gifted her tickets for herself and a friend, plus cash for a t-shirt and transport home afterwards. The band isn’t massive, the tickets were £20 each. We checked their merch store and the t-shirt Alice wanted was £15. Because we live close to the city, a taxi home would be under £10. So a total of £65. Mary gave Alice £80, and Alice was extremely grateful.
When I spoke with Emily about her gift, she was aware of her sister’s choice and said she also wanted a live music experience. But she then revealed that her choice was a trending pop artist. I checked ticket sites but there is only resale available and there’s nothing under £650. Plus the artist is playing in a city several hours travel away – so trains, accommodation and food costs would inflate the final cost. When I realised the price I told her she would need to rethink her request because it was extremely expensive and it wouldn’t be right to put Marie in the position of having to either spend a great deal of money or say no.
Emily wasn’t happy. She said that she is equally passionate about this musician as her sister is about her favourite band. I have no strong feelings about either the band or the solo artist so there’s no bias there. She said that the artist was her hero, had saved her life, and that it wasn’t fair that Alice was getting essentially the same opportunity I wasn’t allowing her to ask for. She has decided she is less loved by myself and Marie, and the entire extended family.
My partner said I should have privately asked Marie if she would be okay with Emily’s request. But I know Marie isn’t particularly wealthy and there is a huge difference between a gift costing under £100 and asking someone to spend well over £1000. Am I being unreasonable or treating either of the kids unfairly?
INFO: how have you raised a 14 year old who doesn’t understand the cost of things?
No, you should not discuss it with Marie because that puts her in a difficult situation. Emily needs to be told that asking for a gift that costs well over 1000 pounds is boorish. If a kid pulled that on me, I would back off on gift giving in the future. She’s old enough to understand that 1000 pounds is a heck of a lot of money.
Good grief. Do not ask Marie to fork out a ton of money for an entitled teenager.